Is Facebook Our New Best Friend?

We treat Facebook as the only source of communication and a form of escapism. It's our little sidekick tucked into the comforts of our pocket or our handbag - well, until we whip it out because apparently we have something the whole world needs to hear. Facebook asks their users on the status tab 'What's on your mind?' but is this sort of encouragement ever a good idea? 

The Problems
Users will treat this as one way of being social, but are we really being that social in a way that we would rather talk to our friends through a messenger, than to their face? Has Facebook somehow made us anti-social at the same time? I think so. 

The "social" networking site relies on people saying what's on their mind, sharing their business and one of the results is 'likes'. The importance of how many 'likes' you get is pretty high. One easy click is enough to make the user think that whatever they say, confirms their importance in your life (perhaps) - therefore whatever they say is gold. The more likes you get, the more popular you seem. 

However, users checking every 15 minutes to see how many 'likes' they have can take over one's life. But it's not just the 'likes' that keeps their attention away from reality - it's also their nosiness and Facebook "stalking". If their face wasn't always so glued to their phone, their attention would be on someone else (e.g. girlfriend, boyfriend, mother, father, teacher, daughter, son, dog) and that's how it should be, but instead they feel ignored and lost. No point trying to talk to them thinking they are listening because 10 minutes later when their face is no longer a glowing blue, you get the delayed 'Huh?'.

Another issue is the sharing. I know it's there for friends and family to give an insight into your life if you don't see each other very often, but what about the people you never speak to or see at all? All they're doing now is being nosey buggers. Why are they on your friends list in the first place? But if people do see their friends or family, what are they going to talk about? Nothing. The conversation would usually start off as "Oh, saw that status of yours on Facebook" or "Nice holiday photos". 

You see, when this site wasn't available to us, people would meet up with their friends that they hadn't seen in a while and produce actual photographs of whatever they've been up to, for instance, a holiday. They would spend hours going through the photos in the flesh and the meeting would be an actual catch up. But now, everything is online. Everyone can see. No need to ask. They're like the acquaintance who knows everything. Even what time you take a shit. 

Deleting/unfollowing people has been quite liberating and I've done it for these reasons:
1) I don't talk to them.
2) They don't talk to me.
3) Random people.
4) Reunion - If I ever had one in 10 years time, can you imagine how silent the room would be because everyone knows everything about you? 
5) They talk absolute rubbish.

Point #5 is a big one. People moan a lot on Facebook. They treat it as their diary. What they say is really pointless too (e.g. "I hate Mondays" - Why? 'Cos everyone else does?) and it's unnecessary information cluttering my newsfeed. I sound like a grumpy moo and I don't mind status', that's the point of Facebook. But some reveal too much, repeat themselves or go on and on about some shit. I did some research and here are some of the most commonly seen status':

• Selfies
• I'm always ill
• I'm always depressed
• Copying cheesy quotes
• The 'Like for Hot or Not'
• I'm always drunk snaps
• Holiday photos - These aren't bad
• Cars
• 'I Hate Mondays'
• Soppy relationship posts about/to another
• I'm always skint
• Baby photos, followed by an engagement
• Food photos - Some look ok, some make me drool bad
• God
• "Granddad, you've been gone for 8 years, 2 months, 5 days and 3 hours. We miss you." - I may be steering towards insensitive here but this isn't Facebook material. Should be mourned in private
• Just pure moaning. Imagine if Moaning Myrtle had Facebook. She'd have no friends.

I'm not totally innocent though, I do the odd food photo or selfie but that's like once in a blue moon - I think, I could be lying. But the others? Who needs this crap? Some crap is good though, the baby photos are adorable and I love seeing where people have travelled around the world, but the rest is kinda blah. People use Facebook as a ground to stand on to see what we have in common with these people. And most of the time, it's just funny memes that connect people to one another which is really cool. Other times, it's just people not happy with their lives and it seems like friends don't have the heart to delete them on Facebook because they want to hear the gossip - the "What's up hun? Message me" crap goes on automatic. You what mate? If you were that close in the first place, he or she would've been the first people you would've contacted, instead of resorting to a site full of strangers. They don't need to know, will your news affect them? Probably not, unless it's close family but then you would keep the issue private. These people should get paid for the amount of status' they put up or how much they reveal daily.

The Benefits
However, Facebook is not all doom and gloom, it has its positives too. The sharing part is also great if you don't see family/friends who are either abroad or immobile (e.g flu or old), especially the elderly who probably find getting to places and seeing people a struggle.

It's a good platform to start up friendships that you thought would never happen, for instance, classmates you never spoke to at school is now classed as your best friend, 20 years on.

It's also good for exposing your work that needs that little 'oomph' in the world. Many use Facebook to create an image for themselves through promotional pages or sharing links to an external site, for example, a blog. We need to start somewhere and the internet is an easy platform to begin with. I do need the internet and Facebook for the field of work that I want to go into but I don't want to be glued like when I was younger. I had my teenage years of experiencing technology - I will admit, MSN and Bebo were my life, I was obsessed and looking back, I realise I was very engrossed in my phone and didn't make any conversations with my family. That realisation scared me because I have wasted so many years just being attached to my phone and being the internet.

Overall?
Facebook should be about sharing your good news, funny shit and joy, but then again, who's going to feed off that? Society likes to get their energy and kick off the depressed and unsuccessful. Sad eh? It needs to change.

Sharing your achievements in your life so far can also be rewarding when people take notice - like it was worth it. But you don't need to rely on people to congratulate you - if you feel good within yourself, you don't need that seal of approval from people you don't know. You would know it within yourself. You just share the news because you feel so happy. Whether you get likes or not. It's just a middle finger up to self doubt, like confirmation.

All I just want to say, after all this mumbling, is that Facebook isn't your life. Yes, you include it into your daily routine like brushing your teeth but I think people need to be desensitised about Facebook because right now, it's treated as one big show. And we're its puppets. 

My Teenage Years Vs My Little Sisters

There is 8 years difference between me and sister. Only 8 years but you wouldn't be able to tell - she's the same height as me. She's 13 at the moment (turning 14 in August) and since she's now classed as a teen, I've realised that she won't be having the same experiences that I had gone through. Here's a few:

• MSN - This messenger was our life! The one thing that stood out was the emoticons that replaced every single word. Such an effort to read.

• Internet - Today, we have WiFi. Back then, we had this cable shit where we had to share this singular wire that would only provide internet for one computer at a time. Tough times. 

• Flip phones - Actually, forget the flip phones, I remember the BRICKS. Thick ass phones that resembled a shoe. And then flip phones came into fashion and I loved them. You drop your flip phone? Only the outside is scratched. You drop your iPhone? Everything is broke. Loooong gone. 

• MP3 and CD players - I loved my little MP3 - None of that error shit I get with my iPhone when I want to put music on. A bugger carrying portable CD players though. And carrying the actual CD too. That's why mother's bags are so big - they be carrying all those Cee-Deeees. 

• Limewire - This was the software where you would download free music illegally. I could download anything from it. Whereas now with iTunes if I wanted a song, it's harder now due to availability. Limewire made things accessible.

• 90s - This ranges from music (like Britney, Backstreet Boys, Celine Dion ballads, Aqua) to fashion (like Jelly shoes). Hairstyles count too.

• Bebo - Started in 2005, this became THE social media site to be on. Like Facebook, but quirkier. The skins were amazing. Made all of mine on Paint. So hard. 

• Racism - Witnessing my sister going to Primary and now Secondary school, I think the racism has toned down and much better than when I was at school. I loathed Primary school. I didn't like going - I had to face daily racism from stupid people - ranged from people not sitting next to me to boys mimicking karate moves in front of me. All because of my race. It was sad. I never told my mother. They made me feel ashamed that I was Chinese. I know now that I should have told my mother - I was only under 11 when these things happened. I shouldn't have fought it alone. So when my sister went to Primary, I was very wary and felt over-protective of her because of what I went through. I still am. Only last year she had a couple of boys racially abuse her and of course, we stepped in. 

• Innocence - I've heard various stories that girls this young have had intercourse, doing drugs and smoking - You what mate? At 13, I played with Tamagotchis and collected Pokemon cards. They want to grow up too fast. 

• Chalkboards - Messy as fuck. Makes you look like you've been raiding the crack cupboard when the chalk powder goes all over the place.

There's probably more that I have missed out but these are the things that stood out for me. It's just weird how times change. And my little baby is growing up so fast. Waaa. 

What I've Learnt In University So Far.

I'm nearing to the end of second year and here are some of the things you learn or pick up on the way. 

• Twitter - People use this to vent their emotions about other people or how they're feeling. Cryptic in a way that it doesn't obviously mention people's names but at the same time not cryptic enough, especially if you've annoyed them 5 minutes before and coincidentally an angry tweet pops up. I don't think there's any need for them. People on Twitter can be quite unnecessarily mean so I usually try and stay away from it. 

• University is like a school playground. When you're a kid in Secondary school, you have the usual cliques and the gangs and the same applies here. It is school second time round but this time, you know what to do or who to be friends with at university. 

• But then again, you also don't know who your friends are. Friends go into different career directions or go onto higher education, I guess it's inevitable that people will drift apart. From having friends at school and college to people you never speak to anymore. Luckily I'm still in touch with a few but I only have about a few, maybe even a couple of best friends and that's it. The rest are strangers. 

• Naps are the best thing in the world! You appreciate sleep so much. 

• It seems that the most important lessons are at 9am. Why. I don't know. Which leads on to my next point.

• You feel very guilty when you oversleep and miss a lesson. In school? Yeah, not a problem. In college? They'll probably repeat the lesson again. At university? No, no I can't afford to. Plus, they would've have probably mentioned something really important in the lesson, typically when you're still snoring your head off and you're too ashamed to ask your classmate what happened in the lesson in case they get annoyed.

• I would rather spend money on food than alcohol. Everyone raved about the amount of times they went out during 1st and even 2nd year but I love my food more than anything. 

• It's a tough balance between being social, whilst doing work, maintaining a relationship and wanting space to chill on your own. People will call you unsociable or boring for it but sometimes sacrifices have to be made to do work. 

• One thing about being in a relationship at university: If your boyfriend lives only 20 seconds away or living with you, you kinda end up feeding for him too. It's a fact. You gotta stock up on food. The baby needs feeding. 

• You cry often about work. At the beginning, I thought it was a bad thing to cry about coursework but sometimes you just gotta let it out because it builds up so much. The only people I cry to though is my boyfriend and my mum. They're my best friends. 

• I've mastered this since Primary school but you learn to enjoy yourself. People won't be there for you so you rely on yourself. Being alone isn't as bad as you think. I know some people can't stand it but I think it is a skill that needs to be learnt.

• You become more confident. You can talk to people. I go out with my hair all over the place. It's the smallest things that make a difference to you. You also decide to take on responsibility. I took a leap last year and put myself forward to be an editor of the student magazine because I joined a media society and now we have two issues out. It's a lot of hard work but I'm hoping it'll be all worth it in the end. You end up being responsible for other people and helping them progress and add to their CV is a great feeling.

• You find out people don't know the simple things in life. Like where a stamp goes on an envelope or taking the bins out. I remember someone told me that their housemate had placed his bacon in the cupboard because his mother used to cook for him all the time so he didn't know where it went. If a situation like that emerges, just gently guide them on their way. No harm in helping them. It's just a shame the parents didn't guide them well enough to know these things. 

• You get the odd stressy student who needs calming down. All they need is a cup of tea and some chocolate and tell them that everything is going to be okay. Because everything will be. All this stress will be worth it. 

• I've learnt that within friendships, it's commonly okay to tease and be horrible to your friend. It's humorous and fine. 

• You really need work experience. Waaaaaa. I'm working on it. 

• Failure isn't the end of the world. Everything is a learning curve and you just got to do better next time. Don't beat yourselves up about a low grade or a failed unit, stand strong and move forward. 

See, I look back at this and wonder what lies ahead for me in 3rd year. I'm hoping it won't be as long as this post right here. But you never know, I could fuck everything up by then. 

Catch Up Time!

Wow, so I haven't blogged in over 4 months! Slacking a bit. I enjoyed my time at home and since coming back to Uni, I've been working on my coursework, but now I will use this bit of time to tell you what I've been up to. I'll break it down in months:

JULY

I was working back at home at my parents business so that I could earn rent money for my student house here in Southampton. I wasn't actually living here during the Summer, I wanted to be home. It was a strange feeling. I missed my family more than I had thought. They're actually sane for one thing. Oh yeah, more about my house! It had mould on the beds, on the ceiling, broken stairs, dirty carpets, the grass in the garden was dead during this time but it now needs a shave, etc.

AUGUST
I think it might've been this month where the house contract got complicated. The girls who agreed to live there decided not to anymore, all various reasons so this is how it kinda went:

Girl 1 left > boy replaced her > contract was passed around the country and signed > Girl 2 left > trying to find new person > found new person > Girl 3 left > found new person > I was in Southampton for 2 days and signed two contracts (one saying Girl 2 had left and the other for Girl 3 had left too, and signing on the two new people).

Peter went on holiday to Prague for a week with his Youth Centre buddies. Told me lots of stories, mainly being drunk until the morning.

SEPTEMBER
This is the month when me and Peter went on our first holiday together to Gran Canaria!
It was AMAZING! This trip was an early 21st birthday from my parents. The food was yummy, the sunshine felt really nice but I didn't tan as much as I thought. For dinner, we would dress up but because it was a family resort, it was mainly filled with parents and children. Parents there just wore t-shirts and shorts, but they dressed their children in cute dresses or tops. Sometimes I felt a bit too dressed up but I was on holiday with my boyfriend so meh.
Oh yeah, on the last night we were there, he broke the glass table which smashed into small pieces. He fell out of bed and knocked it over. He had to pay 70 euros in the end.

Later that month, I went back to university for second year and moved into my new house. It consisted of 3 other girls and one boy. My mum decided not to drop me off due to tiredness so it was just me and my dad. We dropped my things off at my house. My room was smaller than I remembered. Then we left to go to Costco (which is awesome!), then to town, TGI Fridays and then Ikea! Had a great day with him. I didn't get home until 7pm and so I went straight to my room to unpack. It took me 3 days to unpack everything! And I took less belongings with me this time as well. Didn't make sense. I did my clothes that night, decided to sleep there for the first time, but I didn't realise the time and the lack of thick walls - Had a shower at midnight and then dried my hair. Got a telling off afterwards for being noisy. Oops. So I decided to sleep at Peter's house for the remainder of the month, and October, and maybe a bit of November. To be honest, I practically live there. His house is lush though. First night I slept in my room, the heating was on and I didn't sleep well at all. My small room felt like a sauna. I sweat a lot when I get too hot.

OCTOBER
Erm, I can't actually remember what happened in this month? I had work already, I think it was this month or next month that the boy who was living with us moved out to live with his mother. He didn't like us and he needed to save money, but he's still paying rent and our internet until we find someone else. We need someone else really badly. Even though he's an odd boy, don't want him paying for rent at a house he's not living at.
Oh, Halloween! Was going to go out dressed as a pirate, waiting for Peter to come home to go Popworld but while we were waiting, Peter's housemate and classmate drank a whole bottle of Whisky within an hour (second time, different month), he came home, sat on the sofa and started spitting on the floor and on his trousers. Ew. Then lo' and behold, he vomited. Told him to go to the bathroom, wouldn't budge and now he had bunch of angry housemates onto him. He didn't know what he was doing or where he was. Don't think he cared about his liver to be honest.
My parents also came to Southampton. We travelled during the night before the storm hit the next day and we were petrified! It was heavily raining, dark and puddles everywhere! We went for Dim Sum.

NOVEMBER
It was my 21st birthday this month! And I didn't know what to do for it, for my 18th I had a great party with friends. All I wanted to do was be in a relaxed state, watch I'm A Celeb and be with Peter and friends. When the day came, I received loads of cards and gifts. One of them was from Simone - She got me Salt and Pepper Willy Shakers. Mum says I can't use them at home. Ha. I was presented with two cakes (one made by Spela and the other by Peter's mummy - both delicious!), went to Turtle Bay for lunch and then Tootis in the evening.

The next day, I spoke to my dad on the phone and he had a birthday card in front of him, he opened it for me and it was from my ex. Didn't expect it. We ended on bad terms and we haven't spoken in over a year, so this card was out of the blue. It's a nice gesture but I still don't want to talk to him.

NEXT MONTH....
I'm going to New York! Hope it snows.

The Next Generation.

I'm training to be a journalist and as part of the role, I'd be asking difficult questions and that is a skill. 

However, I have a 12-year-old sister who has a boyfriend in the same year as her and they both share an interest on how the world works like most young people do. Since I spend most of my time with them, I observed their behaviour to see how they approached adults with their curiosity.

They fired away with questions like children do but they often asked the most awkward ones without hesitating. I had to experience this when both my little sister and her boyfriend were intrigued about my ex-boyfriends:

"How did you break up?"

"Why did you break up?"

"Why did you go out with him?"

"Do you wish you never went out with him?"

Oh yes, interrogation from children do keep you on your toes and make you think about your answer because you can't explain it to them the way it's been informed to your friends and it must have a lesson to it all. I found it unusually uncomfortable because I was briefly talking about my serious relationships to a young child who might not understand why things happened.

Children don't think before they speak and they can get away with embarrassing questions simply because of their age and innocence. 

I find their inquisitiveness quite adorable and very funny because children come up with the most random things you would ever hear. 

This is why I think children would be cracking journalists since they have a genuine thirst for knowledge and they are talented at probing people for answers. 

However, it wouldn't be fair on them to land such an enormous job at that age. Children have other issues to attend to such as school crushes and Creeper explosions in Minecraft. 

So, for now, I think I'll let this idea slide. Growing up is inevitable, and they won't be young for long since they sprout up so quickly, so it's nice to let them enjoy being a child while they can.

I guess I've still got my job after all....For now.

The Day I Forgot My Phone.

Ha, well that was an interesting day. I don't think I have ever forgotten my phone before, then again, I'm quite blonde most of the time so this shouldn't surprise me.

It was during the Easter Holidays and I was planning to meet my friend for a catch up in Exeter, so I put my phone on charge before I left for the train. Somehow in my brain, I had forgotten about it completely. So I took my belongings and left the house. 

I got to the half way mark and realised to my horror that my phone wasn't in my bag because I usually check the time. I seriously didn't have time to go back home and I didn't want to miss this train so I took the risk, because I thought, we've arranged to meet in the pub upstairs so how hard can it be being phoneless? Well I was bloody being silly. 

Waiting on the platform for 4 minutes felt awkward. Usually, I would whip out my iPhone and get going on Facebook, but oh no, I was having an off day and here I was, looking at a fence on the opposite platform. I think it needed a paint...

On the train, however, it got worse. On a normal train ride, I would be playing games, checking the time, looking on Facebook a bit more and Instagram - all of these activities are on my phone and I left my little baby at home. I felt very lost. I had no sense of the time - I noticed the train didn't display the time on the day I forgot my phone which I thought was typical. So it made me think, I should really get a watch...

When I arrived into Exeter, the time was 11.40am which meant that I had 20 minutes to kill until the pub so I went walkies around town. Whilst walking into shops and peering through shop windows, I was surprised to find no clocks or times anywhere. I don't know how long it had been since leaving the station and it didn't help that nowhere had the time. I'm guessing it's because the staff had their phones on them. Or a watch. Damn.

I found a department store with the time but their floor was covered in clocks with a mixture of confusing times so it did make me want cry as I didn't know which one was genuine.

Now, bet you're wondering why I hadn't asked someone for the time? Good question. It would have been quite helpful but I like to know the time all the time which would have meant asking dozens of people throughout Exeter. That would be exhausting and embarrassing.

If I did ask some random stranger at the time, they would have popped out their phone and told me. Whilst their phone was out, I would've cheekily asked to use it to inform my friend that I had forgotten my phone because my head wasn't screwed on properly but because I didn't have my phone, I didn't know her number off by heart which made me think again - ALWAYS have an contacts list on you. 

Finally, I entered a British Heart Foundation store where I had to queue up for the time because there was a line for the counter. Oh dear. The nice gentleman looked at his computer screen and stated that it was 11.55am. I thought great, I didn't have long to wait now. Oh, how wrong was I.

I stood outside Weatherspoons debating whether to carry on standing there until my friend comes, however, I was also thinking, maybe she's upstairs already. Maybe she's early? So in I went and there was no sign of her, but I persisted and walked around the upper floor like I was lost. It was embarrassing since it was full of people but I needed to get over it in order to find my friend. 

Ten to fifteen minutes had gone and I wondered if she was running late so I decided to have a cup of tea and waited on a table for her. While I was drinking my tea, a sign in front of me confirmed my phone nightmare, on this display it said: "Free WiFi". Oh. My. Days. That dampened my mood.

Half an hour had passed, and I had finished my tea. I didn't know what was going on. If she was texting or calling me, I wouldn't know. After my tea, I thought I'd give it another go outside. When I did, I saw a young woman with longer hair than I remembered, with a Blackberry in her ear looking annoyed. I felt so much relief when I saw it was her! We both did. We immediately hugged each other and asked how long we'd both been waiting. 
Turns out she had been outside because she didn't want to go upstairs, just in case I wasn't there and she had rang me several times and wondered why I didn't pick up.

We both went inside to get our lunch and a good catch up. She said it was her fault for not coming in but it was my fault too for not bringing my phone. I didn't mind about her not coming in, I was just so glad to see her after so long. She's been one of my closest friends since College.

Looking back, I'm glad I forgot my phone. It taught me how important technology is but it can let you down from time to time. Especially if the owner is an airhead.

In the future, if I ever forget my device again, I will turn my ass around next time. And then text them to say I'll be late because I forgot my phone. Oh, wear a watch too. 

Ps. If you're wondering why it took me 15 minutes to finish a mug of tea, it's because I was sat alone on a four seater table where large families were coming in for lunch. As bad as it sounds, I wanted to reserve my table for as long as possible in case my friend showed up, so I drank very slowly. 

Being A Virgin Is Trending.

Being a virgin is now considered the norm. It doesn't have so much of a stigma anymore.

I think being a virgin has a positive image. I lost mine at 16 because I was in a long term relationship with my first love but if I wasn't, I would have waited until I went to university.

In college, I was good friends with this guy and he was still a virgin. The majority of his friends had already spread their wings and were pressuring him into losing it willy-nilly. I didn't like the way they were treating him because he was still 'intact' and so I advised him to wait. I told him to wait until the right person comes along, because you'll never get it back once its gone. Hopefully he's taken my advice and being careful.

Being celibate is not all bad. Many women and men have their reasons - For example, I have some friends who are religious and are remaining celibate/abstinent until marriage. 

There shouldn't be any pressure to lose it. If you're strong, you won't cave in.

Besides, there are advantages to dating or being a virgin:

1) You won't worry about pregnancy.

2) You don't have to worry about STDs or any other kinds of diseases - They're clean.

3) Less chance of getting Cystitis if a virgin - Mainly in girls.

4) Save money on condoms if you don't have sex. 

5) It's nice being new to the whole experience if it happens. 

Like I said, I lost mine at 16 years old. It may seem young but I was ready since I was in a relationship - and it was legal. However, once you have sex, it does take over your life because it's such a new experience and it's fun but the timing was bad for me as I was studying for my GCSEs at the time. 

I don't ever wish I never did it because I chose to do it when I was in love and with a man I wanted to give it to, but I have a little sister so I do worry sometimes that she will lose it at 16 because I found it acceptable that I did. If she does, I hope it is with someone worthwhile. You will always remember your first love. 

In the end, I think that if someone is willing to lose their virginity to you, it shows that they like you, they trust you and believe that it won't be wasted and taken for granted - Hopefully in the end, you won't end up as a total regret for someone. 

Life may not be a fairy tale, but I'm a romantic at heart.