Do I Want To Be Married With Kids Before 30?

To answer this, I don't know. I would like to I think but I don't see it happening. To be honest, I don't know what the future holds.

Your 20s are supposed to be the fun years. The 30s are for settling. And 40s, are....well, I'm not sure yet. 

In most cultures (especially Asian), family would like the woman to be married by 30 and producing babies. 

I wouldn't mind going towards this goal, but I don't know whether it's realistic. I want my eggs to be nice and bouncing. Fertile. 

But then again, do I need to be married before having kids? There are a lot of parents who aren't married but have children together and they seem fine. Although, marriage means you're in it for the long run legally. There's also signs that the couple is cohabiting, have a house, jobs, money and love. 

Another reason I would want this goal to be true is for the grandparents. They're getting quite old now and I would love for them to be at the wedding and for them to be alive when I have children. Will they be here for another 8 years? Anything could happen. 

All I can do it take it day by day. I would love to see what my life planner is but people don't like to with tempt fate. 

Do I Want A Baby Now?

I did a video on this a while ago about why I didn't want a baby right now. I thought it wasn't controversial because I am 22 after all and I thought I had explained myself clearly as to why it would not be convenient. Turns out some people took it the wrong way. Typically, it was the pregnant ones that kicked off or the ones that were already young mothers. 

I'm not too sure why they kicked off to be honest. I was stating why I didn't want one now. Like I said, I'm 22 and nearly finished university - imagine if I decided I want a baby now after completing a degree and not making use of it? I'm in a job mindset, not baby mindset. I want to travel, leave my small town, enjoy a career and myself. That has been my mother's goal and I can see why she encouraged me to go to university and not have a baby yet. My mother had me when she was 22 or 23 (can't remember) and even though I brought light into her life, she admits she was very young and wouldn't want me to repeat history.

Since I'm still a student, I have no moneys. I can't even buy milk sometimes so how can I afford to feed a babby? Money will always be an issue when it comes to children (unless you're super rich). If I became pregnant now? Sorry to say (but not sorry), I would have to abort it. It wouldn't be fair on the child, on my parents who would be helping me or even the father of the child who isn't ready. I can't understand young parents who are expecting a child through accidental pregnancy to be happy. I think I would be shocked. Some accidents can be happy if this is what you want. Don't get me wrong, children are wonderful. But my mother struggled as a single parent with me for a long time. It was lucky my mother had the help she did. But babies are for life, not for just Instagram or Facebook. 

I see young parents on Facebook and Instagram presenting to the world what they had made. I'm happy for them because they finally look happy within themselves, but I can see what's going to happen in 20 years time. The child will turn 18, have a job/go to university/leave home/have a family of their own, and then the parents think it's now their time to shine and party - because they couldn't do it during their 20s and 30s. They think they're free because their child is now an "adult" but they will always be worrying about them 24/7. You're not free once you have a child. 

Another thing I see is that when mothers come to another mothers or pregnant woman's defense, they always say "Having a baby is the best thing that's ever happened to me." I mentioned this to my friend and he got really annoyed and made an interesting point, "How do they know it's the best thing ever when they've never left this town? They haven't travelled, seen the world, or done anything." 

It put me at ease. When I heard about the complaint about the video, it made me feel guilty for mentioning anything. But this was their choice to have a baby. Of course it's the best thing that ever happened - not much has happened in your life before then. I feel bad now for saying that because what if having a baby really saved them, what if this baby is what they needed all along. And to be honest, I don't feel I have done much with my life either apart from going to university. These women have made a human being! 

I don't know.

I guess they chose this path. Everyone has an opinion and obviously they didn't like mine because they are in a situation I am not ready for - doesn't mean I hate it. These mothers can kick off all they like. They chose this path, they can deal with what's coming. There are worse people than me in this world. And it's the same for me too - I don't want a baby right now and some will disagree with that. Seriously, who cares? They'll see me as a hater and have their whole army of people backing them up. Who cares? Ignore me if you do not like it. I wasn't thinking of you when I did the video blog. Plenty of mothers in Southampton and on my friend's News Feed (who had a pregnant friend who kept putting status' about her poo and sickness problems - ew). My world does not revolve around you. What will putting a Facebook status do? Get 600 likes? With people agreeing with you, making you feel validated? It won't stop me from writing things like this. I have to write articles and blogs like this because this will end up being my job one day. I am trained in writing. I have to make money from this. This isn't even controversial. 

Shall I carry on with my points? Went off there. 

I also love my sleep. At this moment, I would not give up my sleep for a baby. If I had one, then yes, taking care of my baby would be priority number one over my bed, but if someone asks me if I would willingly sacrifice my sleep to have a baby now, I would say you're crazy. 

Which leads on to the next point: I am selfish. Not many admit that. I love sleep. I love eating my own food and taking my time. I can be as spontaneous as I like. I like buying things for myself. What single lady who has no responsibilities wouldn't? 

I do admit, it does sound like I'm bashing all the women that are preggers. I'm not. I just don't like the pregnant women who force the idea of getting up the duff on someone who doesn't want one or isn't ready e.g. just finished uni. I wouldn't force someone to go to university because I did. They can go if they want or perhaps decide to do something else. I would have my input and say I enjoyed it thoroughly and the benefits and they can decide from everyone's experience after. 

But then again, that's how I've been brought up. Everyone in my family have said to go to university to earn more money. People can get jobs and earn money but (apparently) with a degree, you can earn more money. We'll see. Need a job first. 

It's funny, when it was December 31st 2014 - I kept seeing memes on Facebook saying, "Like if you made it through 2014 without a baby!". Of course I found it funny because having no bun in the oven is seen as an achievement. I ended up tagging my friend in it. Hehe. Then I saw the comments and it was mothers stating that the women who are happy that they made it without a baby are the ones getting drunk all the time, having one-night stands and do not know the true meaning of happiness because they do not have a baby. 

ERRRRRM.... What? I don't get drunk (even though I should at this age) and I don't have one-night stands (I'm in a long term relationship with a loving boyfriend) so actually ladies, I'm responsible and I am trying to get education together (waaa), thank you. Not all women who don't get pregnant are not like how you described. And I still don't want a baby now - however you make it sound like raindrops and unicorn poop.  

I'm not hating on young mothers, by the way (eek some convincing is needed). My mother was one, and without her, I wouldn't be here but she was ready for a family. It was all she ever wanted: to be married and have kids. If I ever had a baby now, I think I would end up resenting myself for not fulfilling my 20s and 30s with experiences and stories. Basically, I want to get everything out of my system and live life to the fullest and then settle. Because when I settle, I want to have all of my attention on my children and taking care of my husband, because I would be (hopefully) sorted out financially, have a home, a good job and have so many stories to tell people one day. I watch AprilAthena7 on YouTube and a fan queried her about starting a family and April had the perfect answer - it was diplomatic and it made sense. If you want my answer just watch that video.

Also, here is the last reason: I want to avoid the Asian mother feeling disappointed. It would dishonour my family and my cow. 

PS If you see spelling mistakes, it's intended. 

Vlogging Time

So I have just started video blogging which is a scary step because I don't feel I belong in front of the camera but I thought I'd give it a try. It's going okay at the moment. Editing is really fun, but it means I have been ignoring this blog for a while now so hopefully I can balance the two. 

I've recently uploaded Heads Up, Do I Want A Baby Now, Heads Up Bloopers, No Mirror Make Up Challenge and Making Friends (this one hasn't gone up yet) so a few already. I have barely any subscribers so starting out very fresh. 

Heads Up and Heads Up Bloopers
Me and Peter just recorded ourselves playing Ellen Degeneres' game and it's quite an enjoyable game. Obviously you need to know your topics well but it's funnier when you don't. 

Do I Want A Baby Now?
For this one, I basically explained why I don't want a baby at the moment, with examples such as my mother having me young and don't want to repeat history, I love my food and sleep too much to have a child and so on, so nothing controversial really from a view of a 21-year-old. I was worried that some of my pregnant friends (if they ever watched it) were going to take offence but I haven't had any hate so far.... I don't know whether that's a good or a bad thing. 

Anyway, if they did watch it, it was nothing to do with them to be honest, no one in particular. THERE'S SO MANY MOTHERS IN SOUTHAMPTON! I am merely observing my surroundings in my everyday life and saying why I don't want a baby. Simples. 

No Mirror Make Up Challenge
This is where I turn into a clown. I've seen beauty bloggers try this and it looked really fun. So I have no mirror in front of me and I need to try and put make up on. It was really hard. I didn't know where my eyes where. Something similar to this like 'Boyfriend Does My Make Up' will come up in the future.

Making Friends
I haven't uploaded this one up yet, mainly because I don't know how I feel about it still. Of course I have friends in my life but no one really that I'm close to or someone I can have for life, that's what I'm trying to say. It's sort of a sad one, but it's the truth I guess.  

More to come!

Dear Crush...

Would be awkward wouldn't it if this wasn't dedicated to my beau.

So darling, this one is for you.

When I first met you, I had only just broken up with my previous boyfriend the night before so falling for you was very unexpected.

I started fancying you because, well, you were my type. Looks wise. I remember when I first started seeing you, a girl I knew said to me, "Couldn't you have gone for someone more attractive?" I was shocked by that comment because in my eyes, you were and are a good looking man to me. You have the "geeky" look that I go for and you are a lovely human being, so that silly bitch is missing out.

Some girls go for rugged, muscley or a Hollister model but for me, it has always been nerds. They're smart and awkwardly cute, and that's a couple of things I love about you, but I know you hate me saying that you look like a geek. Don't know why, you should class it as good thing, if you didn't look like that, I wouldn't be here today in your arms.

Getting-to-know-you wise, I realised you were something special. I felt a strong connection with you and even though it's been two years, I still feel it now. You are a lovely person, I don't know how I ended up with someone so wonderful because I get so grumpy and snappy at you, but you are ever so patient with me. You laugh off my grumpiness, cwtch me until I'm better and you call me beautiful every single day. I've never felt so loved.

But you can be annoying. SO ANNOYING! But I really love you. Like a lot, so I guess I can put up with it.

To be honest, I don't know how to express how much you mean to me. This letter would not cover everything, but I can say that you are my best friend and my lover all in one package, even though I said in the last letter I didn't have any best friends, this is different. However, one thing I don't like is that you know me too well - only because I don't even know myself sometimes! But I feel we have the same sort of values and way of thinking, which is why I can kind of read you.

Yet again, this can't justify how you have affected me. YOU MAKE MEH SO HAPPEEEEE!

All the love from, Baby Bear x

Dear Ex No.2...

In the last letter I wrote, I did it for my first boyfriend. You were my second boyfriend, but not my second love. 

I don't know how I'm going to feel about writing this one. I feel as though you might have been the rebound. I still loved my first love for at least four months on after him and I broke up, and then you came along and made me feel warm again inside. I was so heartbroken and I needed mending. It was wrong to use you to heal my heart, but at the same time, it worked. However, time being with myself would have worked better.

I tried so hard to fall in love with you but in the end, my heart had always belonged to someone else. You were a good boyfriend - loving, caring and always sweet to my family but you had your own baggage too. You had issues that I couldn't handle as your girlfriend and it made me realise that I wasn't ready to be in another relationship.

Your autism didn't bother me though. Let's get that straight. I treated you like anybody else and you didn't even act like you had the condition. What bothered me was your insecurity and jealousy. It pushed me away. 

Keeping you as just a friend would have been the best option. For both of us. To be honest, we were in it for the sex.

There was also speculation saying I cheated on you with my current partner now. I didn't. We broke up and I met the new one the next day. I don't condone cheating.

You became difficult after we broke up, even though we said we would stay friends, but I should've known that it wasn't going to work. I left some of my belongings at your house before university because you got upset that I was going to take it away, with the prospect of us potentially breaking up so, I left it there. Big mistake. You wouldn't give it back. I asked for it back politely and arranged for my mother to pick it up for me since I was in Southampton and wouldn't be home for three months, but you didn't want my mother near your house at all. You said that I either sent money for packaging or came to collect it myself and then, it's the thing afterwards you said which made my shiver "but we both know which one you're going to choose". I was shocked and it struck a bit of fear in me because you were becoming quite scary.

 

After that, had no choice but to contact your father. Your father is a good man and one of the loveliest people I have met. Luckily, he convinced you to hand over my bag but that meant coming to my house. 

I remember phoning my mother up afterwards to see if you handed over my things and what happened. She said when the doorbell rang, she opened the door to you and felt frightened as soon as she saw you. Your body language was stiff and rigid. Your eyes bloodshot and aimed at my mother. She said it looked like you were going to kill her. I remember her saying that she stood right in the doorway to block you, in case you tried to come in. I didn't mean to put my mother in that position where she was scared. It should've been me dealing with you but she wanted to protect me. 



To be honest looking back, it wasn't all smooth sailing trying to part from you. You wanted to mutually break up at New Years which was your version of "a new start"  but none of it made sense. If I wanted to be happy then, why wait another 3 months? And why at New Years? Breaking up when I said and did would still be classed as a fresh start and you knew Christmas/New Years was a sensitive time then due to the previous boyfriend breaking up with me around that time. 

So do you know what I figured out? It was because it wasn't on your own terms. The last time you were in a relationship, you broke up with the poor girl and had me lined up as back up - and then we dated. I noticed since you didn't have a back up already in case we broke up, you wanted to wait until New Years which would give you three months to find a new girl. As much as you said you loved me, you couldn't stand the idea of being alone. Yes I went into another relationship straight away but that's because I did it for love. You would've done it purely because you were scared. Nothing was going the way you planned and you thought you could control that aspect in your life. Emotionally, you were unstable. You needed to love yourself before you started loving someone else because those fears and insecurities would pile on the other person and the strength to hold you up any longer would break. 



And that's what kinda happened. We broke. Our relationship broke, and so did our friendship. 



You said I was cold but I saw myself as emotionally okay and independent. I promised myself that I would never revolve my world around a boyfriend again because I lost my focus last time and my main priority was and still is education, but it seems that it never happened with you because I guess I never fell in love. I just loved you a dear amount. 



After everything that happened, I am sorry I caused you a lot of pain for dating so soon. I remember that was one of your biggest fears, that one day someone would make no effort to woo me and I would just be head over heels like that, whereas you had to make the effort to get into my heart. I tried not to fall for someone so quickly because of the pain I knew it would cause you, but the thing is, I fell in love. I couldn't stop how I felt and I realised that you have to be with people for the right reasons. 

Of course I still cared about you after our relationship ended because I first gained you as a friend but it was never going to be the same afterwards. We both should've handled the situation better but we're exs by the end of the day. 

I hope you achieve what you want in life and wish you all the best. Take care.

Love Isobel.

Dear Ex No.1...

I don’t know where to begin. I guess at ‘Hi'. This will be one of the most difficult letters to write. Probably because you are my first love and will always have a spot in my heart.

I don’t know what happened with us. I don’t see our past relationship as a failed one. We were very young and fell in love. It was my first time falling in love and it was quite an adventure. Our two and a half years together was very special. Of course like any couple, we had our ups and downs but I don’t regret our time with each other. 

When I first saw you, I thought you were lovely and tall. And then we started talking to each other and meeting up and I thought your blue eyes were the most beautiful things I had ever seen. The only reason we ever got together was because our friend and I’m very grateful she helped us along the way. 

You made me laugh, feel butterflies, happiness and just pure love. I knew it was serious when we took our relationship to the next level. I don't feel regret.

You made me overcome my fear of dogs when I had to confront your 3 big dogs at your house. I was crapping myself. They were jumping and being excited and my fear was getting jumped on again. But they were lovely. Kinda. Still crapping myself after meeting them. 

Meeting your parents was scary too. First time meeting the boyfriend’s parents but they were very welcoming and lovely. Like you. You were always lovely to me, especially your hand drawn cards you created for my birthdays, Valentine’s and anniversaries. 

But something felt different nearer to the end of our relationship.

I don’t know what it was but it didn’t feel the same. You weren’t the man I fell in love anymore. You were drifting away from me. But I still held on. When it came to breaking up, I realised afterwards that you were the one who broke it off with me. At first, I thought it was mutual, but the realisation hit hard. I experienced my first ever heartbreak. It sucked. And then you got a girlfriend afterwards, the sucking got worse. 

The attempt to move on was difficult. Our relationship came to a halt. You were moving on before I could even grasp that we had even broken up. But by then, you could do what you wanted, you weren’t mine anymore.

It’s been nearly 4 years since we ended. Time’s flown. We’re probably quite different people now compared to our 15-year-old selves. Seeing you recently has made me miss the friendship and the good times that we had. But I also remember the bad, which stops me from thinking any further. 

There were so many things I wished for during and after our relationship and what could've been different, but that's all in the past now. I guess we were never meant to be and I've accepted that. 

You were a good boyfriend and I'm glad you were mine once. I wish you the best of luck in the future. Take care.

All the love from, Isobel x

Piglet: How Do You Spell Love? ------------------ Pooh: You Don't Spell It, You Feel It.

In a relationship? Want to spread the news on how happy you are and how fantastic your partner is? Of course you do. But when does it start bordering on annoying, in which you then begin questioning why they keep doing it?

There are many people on Facebook who gush about their boyfriend/girlfriend or post the occassional "I love you" on their partner's wall for all the world to see, depicting a very lovey-dovey couple that we would imagine. But then I wonder if it is something much deeper like a cover up because most people do that in order to maintain a illusion that their relationship is somewhere far from okay.

And what if they are okay? Well, then I start to question other platform of communication e.g. text, WhatsApp, Facebook Messenger, Skype, a phone call - Are they all broken? Do they not fit your means of standard whereby you have to post how much you love them online? Why does the whole world need to see you write three affectionate words in such a public manner?

Sure you get the exceptions - i.e. my parents - I have to let these guys off to be honest, they are my parents after all. They are one of the soppiest human beings I know - My mum puts up love quotes [one a day for all those lucky people who are friends with her, two if she's generous] dedicated to my father and he reciprocates the feelings through YouTube videos featuring love songs from their decade. It's sweet really with the given nicknames such as "Boo Boo" aka my dad, but my exposure to their fairytale doesn't stop there - they smooch, cuddle and laugh at each other and I can see, that they are happy online and also behind the scenes.

But what about the couples who aren't happy as they seem online? I know a few couples who argue all the time and not at all that happy within their relationship due to the mounting of issues and yet, they still post about how happy they are. Is it denial that's happening? With that many people apparently knowing how content you are, is it just maintaining that facade, in case of letting them down? We will never know. 

People who brag about how amazing their partner is on a daily/weekly basis do get noticed, but only when it stops. There's nothing more strange than a couple, who were soppy as hell a week ago, have now disappeared from your newsfeed. Of course we get worried because we haven't heard from them in what seems like years and so, the next step after getting all hot and bothered is to check out their profile, and a majority of the time, lo' and behold, they've broken up. Ah! An answer!
Right, this is why you don't publicly declare your love all the time, people won't take notice when you're typing away saying "I love you so much, you're my world, you're my everything" when in fact your partner is actually in earshot of you saying it, instead the user's attention would be focused on your lack of presence online.

This reminds me of when Peter and I went on holiday to Gran Canaria last year and there was this young couple who arrived the same time as us and we saw them by the pool and at dinner everyday, and the one thing that they always did was kiss. Never separated. They were act it like teens - and there were bloody children around as well. It was just fascinating watching them kiss non-stop, and then, we saw them one evening and they weren't kissing! Me and Peter were so baffled, we wondered whether they were feeling ill. We noticed that when they weren't kissing, they looked miserable. They didn't look too happy eating food either. And if they're not happy eating food with their loved one beside them, then they are not truly happy. Food and sex makes everybody happy. Yah?

Anyway, it can get annoying. The thing is, people don't need to see how amazing your boyfriend/girlfriend is by spamming it online daily - that's not #1 priority. My boyfriend and I don't send each other things like that online, it's more of a private matter when sending our love - i.e. phone calls/messenger. Unless it's our anniversary so I'll put something up once a year. Which is coming up, so beware. 

Another thing is what about your single friends on Facebook? How do they feel? Consider those who don't have a partner. Sure it might be their choice that they want to eat Ben & Jerry's alone but then again, what if they are trying to find love but failing? It can be hard for some. 

*Sigh* What I'm trying to say is, don't spread your love to prove something - people will see through it. And try not to make statements that you're going to be "2Getha 4Eva" - you're not teenagers anymore. Perhaps I'm too cynical - I do adore a love story but there's a point where we are all going to overdose from it on Facebook.  

Also, I found this though. Credit to Sarcasm_Only on Instagram. 

Therefore, if you break up - people would not suspect a thang! 

Happy August everyone!