Stop Judging My Food.

I grew up with a Chinese background and like any other Asian, we have eaten some weird stuff. Some taste good. Others..NOPE! But I'm a BBC (British Born Chinese), so growing up as a Chinese person in a Western culture - it makes people question what you eat. 

I have been at university for three years now. Finished. And during my time, I have encountered many people looking displeased over my meal. It wouldn't be anything strange either - sometimes a bowl of ramen noodles. 

But so many have judged and said unnecessary comments before I had even started eating my food. BITCH DON'T DISTURB MY ME TIME. All I wanted to do was eat in peace and enjoy my foods. Why was it so hard to ask? Why did people have to open their mouths and think they were being useful by pointing out something moot?

People will judge food on its look and smell, but will never try it. How do they know it's not goddamn tasty? 

"Ermaagherd, like, ew. I knoooow it's nasty. It looks like a bag of worms."

Well then. More for me. 

It's their loss. If they're like this over food, imagine someone else's culture. Are they not going to accept that too? Heck, food is culture. 

They can't keep being close-minded, otherwise they won't experience anything new. OR ANYTHING AT ALL. 

They can't go to a new country and start insulting their food and culture. They'll get more than they bargained in their "chicken burger".  

Some need to have respect for other people and think before they speak. 

Stop ruining my meal. It's my food, not yours. 

Why Am I Excusing Myself For Being Slim?

I'm 5ft 3". My waist is 25". I weigh roughly about 8 stone - but I eat so much!

Family, friends and strangers ask/say me:

How are you so skinny?
Where does it all go?
You don't even do any exercise, how are you that shape?
Look how small your jeans are!
I wish I was as skinny as you.
When will you get fat?
IS THAT FOOD ALL FOR YOU?!

And my answer is I don't know. I often feel quite uncomfortable when placed in that position because all eyes are on me and I can feel their question burning through. 

I guess high metabolism? I think I take after my father. Well, that's what my mother said to me anyway. 

I can't really say I'm a growing girl either because I stopped growing at 16. I'm a shortie. 

When I'm in that situation, it makes me feel guilty for being this size so I sometimes try and make the other person feel better by saying I'll get fat one day. 

I need to respond better. I can't say it's my metabolism to them otherwise I will get the evils - even though that's the truth. 

Also, I'm not really fond of the word "skinny" - I feel it has a bad connotation attached to it now because it's used in a negative light, like in the examples above. 

I just want to eat in peace without being questioned as to where it goes. 

Um, the toilet? 

Who Likes Confrontations?

Er, not me.

I don't know how some people do it. How do people have the heart and balls to confront somebody, without getting nervous?

I've only done it a couple of times and the times that I have, my blood was boiling. I would have to be angry or very very annoyed. But other than that, I'm quite laid back. 

Sometimes I think that these people do not deserve my time for me to get angry about but at the same time, they need to hear some truths. 

The ones who confront people often (especially face-to-face) are quite scary. I wouldn't know what to say to somebody. I would probably freeze, say a few words that don't make sense and then walk away. Then seconds later, I would have the perfect response but of course it's too late. 

Why brain why.

Confrontation isn't a great way to communicate but some things need to be said. My heart beats too fast for it to be a smooth face-off. 

Timing is everything as well, and also the location. 

Others who like confrontations do it to be intimidating or shit stirring. 

Run, Rex, Run!

Annoying Skin Condition.

I've had skin problems all of my life. I had eczema for ten years until the age of 12 and now I've got it again. Except nothing is healing it.

I've apparently got psoriasis on my legs which has left weepy marks and dark blotches, but thankfully it will fade in time so my legs aren't scarred. 

With my fingers, I have pomphoylx. These affect me the most. Hands are being used everyday so you can't let it properly heal. Watery blisters appear, they pop and sometimes crack into really sore wounds. So many plasters have been used to cover my fingers. 

It hurts when I write. It hurts when I type on the computer. I have to wear gloves when I wash my hair, in case it irritates my hands and also with cooking too. Waaaaa. 

My hands used to be my best feature. I had really nice nails but now a couple of them are dented and growing out all bumpy. Skin is all wrinkly now. 

What I miss is painting my nails. I could but if I wanted to take it off, the nail polish remover would sting so much! 

Apparently my grandmother is going to take me to a skin specialist in Hong Kong - hopefully they'll give me some natural remedies or something. I'll try anything to stop my skin breaking out so badly.

My dermo doctor said that sometimes my skin condition can be caused by stress. Can't be cured, only controlled. So yeah, I'm fudged. 

Using My Phone In Public.

It's a really bizarre feeling when you're not on your phone and um, everyone else is. 

It's like they're zombies, except they're not after your brains and they constantly bump into you or stand there like a numpty. And I wonder, do I do that??

When I see everyone on their phones out in public, I instantly put my away if it's out. Candy Crush Soda can wait until later.

I feel it can be embarrassing because you're all doing to the same activity. 

When was the last time people actually spoke to each other? I don't think I've look someone in the eye in a long time. Apart from my boyfriend, I stare into his eyes. 

EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. 

Jokes. I'm normally asleep before him. He would stare at me instead when I'm sleeping. 

I go into a cafe, a park, walk through town, be in a classroom - everyone is the same. It's like our phones have us under hypnosis. My mother is a victim. And my father. They cannot be away from their phones. They get the shakes. 

What we've been doing recently when we have dinner out is put our phones in the middle of the table. Good idea tbh. Only because my mother likes to go on her phone, we tell her to get off it because it's rude and she replies with, 'Why, what are we going to talk about?' and carries on talking to her friends online. You'd think she was a teenager. We don't know what to say to that response, just can't believe she says it. 

WE FAMILY! WE TALK ABOUT ANYTHING!

*sigh* Ah well. 

YouTube Comments Are Mean.

I am an avid watcher on YouTube. 

I've been on YouTube since 2007 and the comment section recently is shocking. The YouTube community is meant to be full of support and love but it really isn't the case anymore.

Young YouTubers such as Zoella and PointlessBlogTV - they get hate. They let people over the Internet have an insight into their private lives and what do they do in return? Judgement.

With Zoella, she left the Internet for a few days because it was getting too much. She released a book then admitted that she had a ghost writer and then people started bashing her. I can understand why these haters can be so overwhelming and just bad for YouTube.

With YouTubers who are parents like AprilJustinTV, itsJudyTime, Bubzvlogs - also bloggers and yet, people over the Internet were telling them how to raise their child. Even though the users were not parents and they were also very young. They were quick to judge other people, even though they have no knowledge in the area. It's also not their kid. 

They're all unnecessary comments. People have the mightiest ego in front of the computer but if they ever were to meet these YouTubers, I bet they wouldn't even say anything. 

I've started making videos and I don't know how I'm going to feel when I get my first hate. Hopefully I won't. But my videos aren't going anywhere so that's okay. 

But seriously, when you write a nasty comment - who is it going to help? You? Oh well then good for you. These YouTubers willingly put their lives out on the Internet and then get told off for living the way they do. 

So many Internet users are so ungrateful. They hate what they are watching and yet they are too nosey to stop. Oh, and they've also got to write a comment just in case the YouTube doesn't know how much they hate the video.

Seriously? You must know every YouTuber reads their comments. 

One good thing about these comments is that I can use them for my dissertation. An insight into the commentary. The good and the bad. 

You Like Me But You Don't?

Humans are a funny creation. The body is built with function organs and a mind of our own to control, with an ability to produce opinions and therefore, emotions are created. Sometimes, these emotions clash with whats morally right and wrong, what's good and evil and most of all, common sense.  

To be honest, people are strange. Whatever we do, people will either hate us or really love us.

But why is it when we are so nice to another human people and then we do one little thing wrong and suddenly we're the bad guys? Did you forget about all the nice things we've done for you? We are the nice people. It's not in our nature to be nasty.

Whereas for people who are bitches from the beginning and then they do ONE nice thing [something menial] and suddenly you love the pants out of them and all is forgiven. 

I don't understand. 

Common sense comes into play - you know they're bad people but for some reason, they're being excused? And then when a good, hearted person does something wrong accidentally or you took it the wrong way - you hate them. EH?

I don't want to know how your mind works. You sound dumb. You don't know who's good in your life. 

Leave ma life. Go away. 

Do I Want A Baby Now?

I did a video on this a while ago about why I didn't want a baby right now. I thought it wasn't controversial because I am 22 after all and I thought I had explained myself clearly as to why it would not be convenient. Turns out some people took it the wrong way. Typically, it was the pregnant ones that kicked off or the ones that were already young mothers. 

I'm not too sure why they kicked off to be honest. I was stating why I didn't want one now. Like I said, I'm 22 and nearly finished university - imagine if I decided I want a baby now after completing a degree and not making use of it? I'm in a job mindset, not baby mindset. I want to travel, leave my small town, enjoy a career and myself. That has been my mother's goal and I can see why she encouraged me to go to university and not have a baby yet. My mother had me when she was 22 or 23 (can't remember) and even though I brought light into her life, she admits she was very young and wouldn't want me to repeat history.

Since I'm still a student, I have no moneys. I can't even buy milk sometimes so how can I afford to feed a babby? Money will always be an issue when it comes to children (unless you're super rich). If I became pregnant now? Sorry to say (but not sorry), I would have to abort it. It wouldn't be fair on the child, on my parents who would be helping me or even the father of the child who isn't ready. I can't understand young parents who are expecting a child through accidental pregnancy to be happy. I think I would be shocked. Some accidents can be happy if this is what you want. Don't get me wrong, children are wonderful. But my mother struggled as a single parent with me for a long time. It was lucky my mother had the help she did. But babies are for life, not for just Instagram or Facebook. 

I see young parents on Facebook and Instagram presenting to the world what they had made. I'm happy for them because they finally look happy within themselves, but I can see what's going to happen in 20 years time. The child will turn 18, have a job/go to university/leave home/have a family of their own, and then the parents think it's now their time to shine and party - because they couldn't do it during their 20s and 30s. They think they're free because their child is now an "adult" but they will always be worrying about them 24/7. You're not free once you have a child. 

Another thing I see is that when mothers come to another mothers or pregnant woman's defense, they always say "Having a baby is the best thing that's ever happened to me." I mentioned this to my friend and he got really annoyed and made an interesting point, "How do they know it's the best thing ever when they've never left this town? They haven't travelled, seen the world, or done anything." 

It put me at ease. When I heard about the complaint about the video, it made me feel guilty for mentioning anything. But this was their choice to have a baby. Of course it's the best thing that ever happened - not much has happened in your life before then. I feel bad now for saying that because what if having a baby really saved them, what if this baby is what they needed all along. And to be honest, I don't feel I have done much with my life either apart from going to university. These women have made a human being! 

I don't know.

I guess they chose this path. Everyone has an opinion and obviously they didn't like mine because they are in a situation I am not ready for - doesn't mean I hate it. These mothers can kick off all they like. They chose this path, they can deal with what's coming. There are worse people than me in this world. And it's the same for me too - I don't want a baby right now and some will disagree with that. Seriously, who cares? They'll see me as a hater and have their whole army of people backing them up. Who cares? Ignore me if you do not like it. I wasn't thinking of you when I did the video blog. Plenty of mothers in Southampton and on my friend's News Feed (who had a pregnant friend who kept putting status' about her poo and sickness problems - ew). My world does not revolve around you. What will putting a Facebook status do? Get 600 likes? With people agreeing with you, making you feel validated? It won't stop me from writing things like this. I have to write articles and blogs like this because this will end up being my job one day. I am trained in writing. I have to make money from this. This isn't even controversial. 

Shall I carry on with my points? Went off there. 

I also love my sleep. At this moment, I would not give up my sleep for a baby. If I had one, then yes, taking care of my baby would be priority number one over my bed, but if someone asks me if I would willingly sacrifice my sleep to have a baby now, I would say you're crazy. 

Which leads on to the next point: I am selfish. Not many admit that. I love sleep. I love eating my own food and taking my time. I can be as spontaneous as I like. I like buying things for myself. What single lady who has no responsibilities wouldn't? 

I do admit, it does sound like I'm bashing all the women that are preggers. I'm not. I just don't like the pregnant women who force the idea of getting up the duff on someone who doesn't want one or isn't ready e.g. just finished uni. I wouldn't force someone to go to university because I did. They can go if they want or perhaps decide to do something else. I would have my input and say I enjoyed it thoroughly and the benefits and they can decide from everyone's experience after. 

But then again, that's how I've been brought up. Everyone in my family have said to go to university to earn more money. People can get jobs and earn money but (apparently) with a degree, you can earn more money. We'll see. Need a job first. 

It's funny, when it was December 31st 2014 - I kept seeing memes on Facebook saying, "Like if you made it through 2014 without a baby!". Of course I found it funny because having no bun in the oven is seen as an achievement. I ended up tagging my friend in it. Hehe. Then I saw the comments and it was mothers stating that the women who are happy that they made it without a baby are the ones getting drunk all the time, having one-night stands and do not know the true meaning of happiness because they do not have a baby. 

ERRRRRM.... What? I don't get drunk (even though I should at this age) and I don't have one-night stands (I'm in a long term relationship with a loving boyfriend) so actually ladies, I'm responsible and I am trying to get education together (waaa), thank you. Not all women who don't get pregnant are not like how you described. And I still don't want a baby now - however you make it sound like raindrops and unicorn poop.  

I'm not hating on young mothers, by the way (eek some convincing is needed). My mother was one, and without her, I wouldn't be here but she was ready for a family. It was all she ever wanted: to be married and have kids. If I ever had a baby now, I think I would end up resenting myself for not fulfilling my 20s and 30s with experiences and stories. Basically, I want to get everything out of my system and live life to the fullest and then settle. Because when I settle, I want to have all of my attention on my children and taking care of my husband, because I would be (hopefully) sorted out financially, have a home, a good job and have so many stories to tell people one day. I watch AprilAthena7 on YouTube and a fan queried her about starting a family and April had the perfect answer - it was diplomatic and it made sense. If you want my answer just watch that video.

Also, here is the last reason: I want to avoid the Asian mother feeling disappointed. It would dishonour my family and my cow. 

PS If you see spelling mistakes, it's intended. 

Video Blogging So Far...

So I've been doing this last October and I'm still not sure what to think of it.

I love the editing aspect of it. Still getting used to talking in front of the camera and also when there's people in the house which is why I usually do it when they're out. 

It's hard to think about what to video blog about and then make it sound really interesting. I also don't know who watches my videos or if anybody does. Actually, I know some of my friends do and it's quite unusual or embarrassing when they say things from my video that I've said or call me their "Favourite YouTuber". They're taking the piss, I know. Don't see myself as one. Probably won't ever. 

But because I don't know who is watching, I don't know what to record or whether they like it. 

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TALK ABOUT! [>.<] 

I know from various YouTubers that I follow that it can take a long time to get anywhere. I don't mind right now. I've been doing this along with final year of uni so my uni work would take priority of course - but then again it's all about time management. 

Another issue is that my voice can be monotone. The worst sound to listen to is your voice and I'm not very fond of it. 

Anyway, I'll carry on vlogging because it's another platform I can expand to. I'll see how it goes. 

TTFN. 

Live In The Moment. Leave The Phone.

Everywhere you look, there is a person on their phone.

I am guilty of this. My mother is even more guilty of this. I have to call her name 20 times over a 10 minute period before I get a response. 

People are not connected to reality. Facebook. Instagram. BBC News. Candy Crush. It seems as though everybody is addicted to their phones. If I ever asked my parents to stay away from their phone for a day, they'll get the shakes. It's funny. 

Phones are brilliant for capturing the moment, but it is also about living in the moment and so far, we miss a lot of what's going on. 

I once left my phone at home by accident and it actually felt liberating. I do recommend it, however, you'll need to wear a watch and come up with another way of people contacting you for the day. 

So why not? Turn your phone off and see what happens. 

What Defines Us Is How Well We Rise After Falling

I follow a YouTube channel called JK News, a news style channel where they express their opinions over articles sent by subscribers and I consider myself a fan. I have watched all of their videos and agree with what they have to say.

In the new video, however, "Bully Asks Girl He Once Tormented On Date But Gets Rejected", I felt really disappointed. In this story, it was about a female university student who was bullied for three years by this boy back in Year 8. Now 22, she got asked out by the boy over Facebook. It said her first instinct was to say "no" but due to what he did to her, she decided to accept the date and stand him up and leave him a picture of her 13-year-old self and a note saying if he remembered her and what he did affected her. Basically scolding him and making him feel bad.

JK News response? One member kept calling her a "loser", "unevolved" and "immature" and that everyone gets picked on. Yes, it's true, everybody gets picked on during their life but this girl was bullied for THREE years. That's some serious picking. Why were they justifying his actions? Yes, he was in school when he did it but bullies never consider how the victims feel. It lead to the girl developing an eating disorder because he kept calling her fat. 

I had to check the comment section underneath and of course, there was a hoard of people expressing their disgust at what that one member said. It was mainly by the people who have been bullied before and it was really insightful in what they had to say. Bullying can affect people in so many ways and it depends on how they handle it. 

I thought JK News would be more open minded than this since they probably got bullied too when they were younger and yet, they're making bullying seem like a side issue and making the girl seem like she was in the wrong. They were even laughing about it. I don't understand. They said that she shouldn't hold a grudge for that long and plan that "revenge" and "to get over it". The part I agree on is the revenge and grudge bit, but I wouldn't call it revenge. That boy, between the ages of 13-16, made her feel like utter shit. He would've been old enough to know what he was doing by 16. 

That note she wrote to him was a way of validating herself. Her self worth was probably quite low and now that he wanted to date her, she is now worthy of his "kinder" side. It was all about looks for him. What a shitbag. Kids can be absolutely horrible if another child is "fat" or "ugly" but what children don't know is that looks fade and some take longer to become a beauty and it seems like she has blossomed into a swan. Also, I don't think she planned to set revenge on this guy for 10 years, it seems like seeing him brought up bad memories and she just wanted closure and an apology. 

However, children that young don't understand what they're doing. They don't think about the consequences. It was also possible that he was in a group of friends when he did bully her, so he would have that pack mentality. Still, the parents should teach them not to bully too. I do agree that people can change over the years and become a better person, but it doesn't stop the victim from feeling bitter from what they had experienced. 

"To get over it", like I said, many would handle it in a different way, but getting over it isn't simple. Many suffer from psychological trauma from it, causing a lot of issues later on in life. 

This story hit me because a similar experience happened to me. It felt quite real. I was racially bullied when I was primary school, along with being called ugly many times. Of course, I felt pretty low and thought there was something wrong with me. I still remember the people who did it today. Seriously, no matter how old you are, you will always remember the people who made part of your life shit. So if i was in that girl's shoes, I would have turned him down flat. Too much effort on planning to stand him up. 

However, I actually applaud the girl for standing up to him. He does not deserve her time. 

Here is the video. It is the first story.