Are You Even Listening To Me?

Ever been in the situation where you're waiting for the "right" time to speak and then when you've just started speaking, someone interrupts you and starts their own bloody conversation. 

Yeah, my life.

It can get tiring repeating everything you've just said because the other person wasn't listening. It doesn't make it seem worth it because they'll probably won't listen again. It can be awkward when you do say everything, and then no one actually replies or ignores you. Doesn't it just make you feel uninteresting?

Either that, someone has to interrupt my conversation, start a new topic and everyone else focuses on that instead. I feel like giving up. It's rude. 

I end up not talking most of the time and just listen. 

I Am Not A Morning Person.

I wish I was a morning person. I would love to see the sun rise. Have breakfast at the appropriate hour. Spend my day being productive. 

But I'm not. I'm more of an owl. My mind works better at night. Inspiration hits me when I'm about to sleep and I start writing. 

When I have woken early in the morning, it's either by accident, I need to be somewhere or I'm on holiday. I think that is the only time I've seen the sunrise is on holiday and it is quite a view. 

Coffee doesn't work either. I love the taste of coffee but it doesn't wake me up. 

I think I take after my mother - she never used to wake up enough to take me to school so my dad had to take me.

Is IHateMorningtitus (yes, I've made that up) hereditary? 

I'm very grumpy and I would end up tired and taking a nap in the early evening.

I find it confusing when I hear people say they had a lie-in until 9am. WHAT? That's a lie-in to you? NOOOO?! My heart breaks everytime I think about it. 

Silence Is Bliss.

I think I'm an introvert. I like my peace, I have no issue being alone and I like silence - it helps clear the mind and makes you think.

According to some extroverts I know, they need to be in the room full of people to get their energy and constantly talking. 

I'm the opposite. I like mingling with people but after a while, I prefer to sit in a quiet(er) room and eat the party snacks. I think I also prefer listening to people talking than doing the actual talking - I like trying to figure out what kind of person they are. Plus, I get my energy from being on my own - a good thing about this is that I wouldn't need to rely on people.

Here's a list of things introverts do (well, what I do):

• I get happy when plans are cancelled. YAY! Stay in pyjama day!
• I like doing nothing.
• Happy not talking to anyone all day.
• Get really excited when the house is empty.
• I like doing things by myself e.g. shopping, walking around town, walking to class, going to a coffee shop, having dinner by yourself.
• Having a big imagination.
• Being quiet - then people think you're either sad or dead.
• Happy not leaving the house for days.

Sometimes I don't want to talk to certain people because maybe they don't interest me. Sometimes they talk poop and I like to shut my ears away. 

There are so many rules to social etiquette and there will always be someone who thinks you haven't got any because they think you're being rude. But in reality, you're just shy or awkward.

"When in doubt, don't go out."

Growing Up In An Asian Family.

Growing up with Asians is quite something. It's a love/hate thing going on. They're family after all but if you want to survive, here are some heads up.

If you're not Asian, this will be an insight.

• Make sure you don't go deaf. Asians may be small, but never underestimate the size of their lungs.

• When you think they're shouting, they're actually speaking on normal volume.

• You will definitely get the "doctor/lawyer" talk. 

• Obey your mother. You do not want to release the angry Asian mother.

• If you don't, you will get disciplined aka The Slipper

• Family will slag you off. 

• Family will insult you in front of your face. Good thing is, it makes you build a thicker skin. Why you so fat? Why you so skinny? Why you so stupid? Why you so ugly?

• Don't have a pencil sharpener? Grandma will use a knife cut away at the ends.

• You will eat rice with EVERYTHING.

• Your family will arrange for you to meet a "potential" partner.

• If you don't have kids or aren't married, you still receive red packets (money).

• Beware when explaining to your family that you want to date someone out of your race e.g. white/black

• You will never get a birthday party until you graduate university. 

• Everyone will get the bowl cut experience.

• Forced to listen to Chinese opera music.

• Forced to watch Cantonese TV drama.

• Forced to watch every cooking show. 

• But you'll love their game shows.

• Made to work in your parent's takeaway as soon as you pop out of the womb.

• You will know every single dish off the takeaway menu in Chinese.

• Learn to use the chopsticks, otherwise you dishonour your cow.

• If you're a girl, you're not a allowed a boyfriend until you get into university.

• Don't want to the typical Asian look? Avoid: fanny packs, white trainers, the peace sign  pose, glasses, carrying a bag of fruit - just never leave the house.

• The home phone will never stop ringing.

• You will have to give your grandparents or any elder in the house back massages. When I say massages, I mean they like punches to the back. Helps them somehow...

• Constant noise of family clearing their throat. Not pleasant.

• DURIAN!!! THAT IS ALL!!!

• Their love is cold, hard love.

• Never walk around the house with shoes on. You will get slapped.

Have any experiences that I haven't mentioned? Comment below!

Stop Judging My Food.

I grew up with a Chinese background and like any other Asian, we have eaten some weird stuff. Some taste good. Others..NOPE! But I'm a BBC (British Born Chinese), so growing up as a Chinese person in a Western culture - it makes people question what you eat. 

I have been at university for three years now. Finished. And during my time, I have encountered many people looking displeased over my meal. It wouldn't be anything strange either - sometimes a bowl of ramen noodles. 

But so many have judged and said unnecessary comments before I had even started eating my food. BITCH DON'T DISTURB MY ME TIME. All I wanted to do was eat in peace and enjoy my foods. Why was it so hard to ask? Why did people have to open their mouths and think they were being useful by pointing out something moot?

People will judge food on its look and smell, but will never try it. How do they know it's not goddamn tasty? 

"Ermaagherd, like, ew. I knoooow it's nasty. It looks like a bag of worms."

Well then. More for me. 

It's their loss. If they're like this over food, imagine someone else's culture. Are they not going to accept that too? Heck, food is culture. 

They can't keep being close-minded, otherwise they won't experience anything new. OR ANYTHING AT ALL. 

They can't go to a new country and start insulting their food and culture. They'll get more than they bargained in their "chicken burger".  

Some need to have respect for other people and think before they speak. 

Stop ruining my meal. It's my food, not yours. 

Opinions.

I express myself through blogging. Not so much vlogging - I can hardly speak properly so no luck there.

Some find my blogs interesting. Some don't like what I say. Some have asked me to delete blog posts. I say NOPE! 

Never let anyone dictate what you write. Unless you've written something really offensive then yeah, majority vote.

I normally write about my life. It's what I know well so why not write about it. 

It's going to be the cliche, "If you don't like it, don't read it." But it's true though. If you don't like it, goooo awaaaaay. 

Dealing With Negativity.

When I was younger, if someone insulted me or was being very negative towards me - I didn't know how to deal with it. 

No one tells you how to handle bad things that come your way. I think I used to bottle it up and not talk to anyone about it.

The way I handle it now in through blogging. It can be so much to process when you get annoyed or angry or someone is being just plain shitty. I like writing things down. It gives me a clearer picture of everything because it's right there in front of me. 

When it's in your head, it's all over the place. One thing you think about would clash with another and then for some reason remember what they said 7 years ago which wouldn't have anything to do with it. Basically, you become emotional. 

I do let out a cry now and again. Actually, ever since being placed on the Pill - I have become such an emotional wreck. I can cry over someone getting me the wrong McMuffin meal. It's that simple. 

I guess this is my very public diary. Many would say to ignore it completely. I do, do that but I must let it out first, otherwise it'll be built up inside me all the time. It's a nice time to reflect as well. 

PS You ever upset me, you're going on here.

YouTube Comments Are Mean.

I am an avid watcher on YouTube. 

I've been on YouTube since 2007 and the comment section recently is shocking. The YouTube community is meant to be full of support and love but it really isn't the case anymore.

Young YouTubers such as Zoella and PointlessBlogTV - they get hate. They let people over the Internet have an insight into their private lives and what do they do in return? Judgement.

With Zoella, she left the Internet for a few days because it was getting too much. She released a book then admitted that she had a ghost writer and then people started bashing her. I can understand why these haters can be so overwhelming and just bad for YouTube.

With YouTubers who are parents like AprilJustinTV, itsJudyTime, Bubzvlogs - also bloggers and yet, people over the Internet were telling them how to raise their child. Even though the users were not parents and they were also very young. They were quick to judge other people, even though they have no knowledge in the area. It's also not their kid. 

They're all unnecessary comments. People have the mightiest ego in front of the computer but if they ever were to meet these YouTubers, I bet they wouldn't even say anything. 

I've started making videos and I don't know how I'm going to feel when I get my first hate. Hopefully I won't. But my videos aren't going anywhere so that's okay. 

But seriously, when you write a nasty comment - who is it going to help? You? Oh well then good for you. These YouTubers willingly put their lives out on the Internet and then get told off for living the way they do. 

So many Internet users are so ungrateful. They hate what they are watching and yet they are too nosey to stop. Oh, and they've also got to write a comment just in case the YouTube doesn't know how much they hate the video.

Seriously? You must know every YouTuber reads their comments. 

One good thing about these comments is that I can use them for my dissertation. An insight into the commentary. The good and the bad. 

I Can't Stay Single.

I watched this video of Anna Akana and Kalel Kitten called 'Why I Can't Stay Single' and this is sooooo me!

I have been in different long-term relationships since I was 15 - a serial monogamist.

And guess what, I do like being in relationships. I like taking care of somebody. I like having that one best friend. I like doing fancy pancy things with them.

But if the time came where I suddenly became single, it's not the end of the world. I can cope. I would need a breather anyway if it were to happen. BUT HOPEFULLY IT WON'T.

Why I can't stay single though? I don't know. The thing is, the times when I wasn't looking for one - oh look, it just appeared in my lap. It's typical. And then somehow, I can keep them going for a while. A gift or a curse - who knows!

But I feel happy loving someone and feeling loved. Don't be in long-term relationships if you don't see a future with them though. Don't stay for the wrong reasons. 

You Like Me But You Don't?

Humans are a funny creation. The body is built with function organs and a mind of our own to control, with an ability to produce opinions and therefore, emotions are created. Sometimes, these emotions clash with whats morally right and wrong, what's good and evil and most of all, common sense.  

To be honest, people are strange. Whatever we do, people will either hate us or really love us.

But why is it when we are so nice to another human people and then we do one little thing wrong and suddenly we're the bad guys? Did you forget about all the nice things we've done for you? We are the nice people. It's not in our nature to be nasty.

Whereas for people who are bitches from the beginning and then they do ONE nice thing [something menial] and suddenly you love the pants out of them and all is forgiven. 

I don't understand. 

Common sense comes into play - you know they're bad people but for some reason, they're being excused? And then when a good, hearted person does something wrong accidentally or you took it the wrong way - you hate them. EH?

I don't want to know how your mind works. You sound dumb. You don't know who's good in your life. 

Leave ma life. Go away. 

50 Shades Of Grey Review [Film]

Before you start, I'm not 'one of those women' who bashed the book and the film, without even bloody reading and watching it. These women just kept judging it so stuff them.

I LOVE THE BOOK. Even though a lot of it is grammatically wrong. I am too, so that's okay. 

I love it because of the storyline, not because of the sex scenes and BDSM. The sex bit is meh. I'm a romantic at heart and how their love story develops is sweet.

So I have watched the film now aaaaaannnnnddd...... yeah, I prefer the book. SHOCK.

The film does show most of the book but I'm disappointed with it because it doesn't show the little bits that would have made sense in the film and to those who have not read the book. It was also quite slow moving. I didn't watch it with my parents because I'm in a different city but apparently my dad was falling asleep in it. 

SPOILERS ALERT!!! If you have not seen the film but want to, gooooo awwwwaaaay. 

Little Bits That Sam Taylor-Johnson (director) missed out (not in order either):

• Obviously one (not little) is the actors. Okay acting, but they looked nothing like how I or others imagined them to be. I fancied the pants off Christian Grey in the book. Copper hair that dangled on his face. Chiseled jaw. Straight nose. Very, very buff. The actor that plays him is Jamie Dornan. Yeah, I find him good looking in some angles. When I watched him in the film, I just didn't fancy him. I wanted to but it never happened. He looked nothing like Mr. Grey. As for the girl, she did look like Anastasia Steele but not who I had in my head of course. Also she's meant to have long, curly hair - not straight, greasy hair. Their chemistry was awkward. Actually, there wasn't any chemistry. It didn't feel convincing, it needs to feel real on and off screen (like Mr and Mrs Smith for example, you could feel the lust and bond).

• In the film, Ana drunk calls Christian and he asks her where she is and she hangs up. He calls again seconds later and tells her to stay where she was because he was coming for her. It shows the actress confused, leaves the club and Jose tries to kiss her and Christian suddenly turns up. The film doesn't show how Christian knows where Ana is at all times. In the book, he hires someone called Welch, who investigates in people's background for Christian, which is how he knows where she works, her number, her mother's address in Georgia. He also tracks her down on her phone (GPS) and installs tracking devices in his cars. She can never escape. 

• After Christian and Ana has had sex (using a condom), in the book she gets on the Contraceptive Pill by Christian's doctor, Dr. Greene. When he said it in the film, it was very quiet and I only knew what he just said because of the book. Also, the scene was done differently. In the book when she's on the Pill, she has to wait weeks until they can have sex otherwise she'll get pregnant and that the idea of waiting is what made it good in the book. I guess in the film, they didn't have much time for waiting since the sex scenes is what makes the film sell. 

• Ana's bloody flip phone in the film! In the book, Christian gives her a Blackberry to use but for some reason, Christian has an iPhone and Ana has a flip phone from the year 2005. Seriously? Why couldn't she get an iPhone too, if he can get her a Macbook? The phone is important because they contact each other through email regularly and also using the computer to contact Christian during work gets her into trouble so phone all the way. Hopefully, she'll get one in the second film. Hope it gets better altogether tbh.

• In the film, when Ana and Christian are breaking up (it came so suddenly as well), it just shows them talking in a heated discussion, he takes her to Red Room to show her how bad it can get, he slaps her with the belt, she cries, tells him she loves him, he doesn't say it back, then she packs her things, brings the gifts he bought for her and gives it back, then she gets to the lift, he follows her, she tells him to stop and then gets into the lift and they say, "Christian", "Anastasia". The end. It was such a poor ending. In the book, before he spanks her hard with what is described as a really thick, brown belt (which it wasn't in the film), he plays the piano like usual, and they start playing with each other like children. She runs around a table, like catch me if you can game, he says he'll catch her and punish her for running away. They do show the bit in the film where she says how much she hates being punished, like how he hates being touched. Then when she does say she loves him and he couldn't believe it, she tells him to leave so she can have a shower. The book says that while they were in Georgia visiting Ana's mother, she bought Christian a toy plane as a gift. Before she leaves Christian's apartment, she places the gift on the pillow and walks to the lift. Christian shows more emotion in the book and tells her not to leave. Then there's a scene where she's in the car, with Taylor driving her home, he hands her a handkerchief and she cries into that. And then I think, after, a shot of Christian looking out of the window and over Seattle. The film's ending seemed too abrupt and didn't convey Christian's emotions enough. Also that hanky appears again in the second book. Now, I mention that toy plane because Christian actually treasures Ana's gift to him and displays it as her iPad background (shown in book two), because I think, unless it's in the book, that no other sub or anyone has even given him a gift. Well, because he has everything. 

• When Ana gets spanked by the brown belt near the end (in the film), she cries but she doesn't cry as much as it shows in the book. But I guess if the actress was really balling it out in the film, don't think she would have been able to get her words out properly.

• Also, I'm sure Ana gets a job in the first book and that's where we meet Jack Hyde, because in the beginning of the second book - Ana doesn't eat and only drinks Diet Coke because she's heartbroken. Plus Jack keeps being creepy at work. Also, Jack plays an important factor in piecing Christian Grey together - which is why WELCH is also important because he does some digging on Jack. 

• We also haven't met Elena Lincoln yet. WHERE IS MRS ROBINSON?!

• Also, where is the lovely housekeeper?! UM, CAN'T REMEMBER HER NAME THOUGH.

• Near the beginning when Christian and Ana go for coffee, she says she doesn't like coffee and prefers tea with no milk and sugar. I feel this is important because he cares about her and her likes and dislikes. He remembers everything about her. But then again, he is a control freak. BUT, that symbolism of tea represents Britishness because her major was English Literature, therefore she's a romantic because of the British novels she studied. Sooooo, Christian knows she's a romantic and he learns to be more romantic for her because she likes flowers and stuff. Even though that not his style, mate. 

• Another thing about Ana's character, Christian likes brunettes but he doesn't like girls who are naturally blonde and dyes their hair brunette. For the actress who plays Ana, she's naturally blonde but dyes her hair for a character that's supposed to be naturally brunette. Confusing. I know it's a film so I'll let that one go.

• Christian's little sister, Mia. In the book, she is very tall, hair goes from black to blonde, skinny, white and girly. In the film, they casted Rita Ora. Definitely wrong casting. Mia is meant to be quite young as well, and Rita looks late 20s, early 30s. Some people said she looked like a 'drag queen' when pictures were shown of her as Mia.

• We don't see any willies. Just saying. 

• No mention of our beloved 'Inner Goddess' - then again it would be strange if Ana said she listens to a voice in her head.

• In the film, Christian keeps saying that he doesn't sleep with his 'subs', even though Ana was never one and they only showed him sleeping beside her once. It's a shame they didn't show him sleeping next to her more often because in the book, he doesn't sleep with the subs because he doesn't want that vanilla relationship. But when he accidentally slept next to Ana at her house, the next morning she asks him whether he had slept well, he replied that he did strangely. It's because when he sleeps alone, he has nightmares from his bad childhood but they don't stress this in the film. It just shows Ana complaining that he doesn't sleep in the same bed as her. Grrr. 

• The beginning when he tracks her down and randomly appears in an aisle Ana is about to walk past. Don't like. In the book, he walks into Claytons store and sees Ana at the checkout till, sat down eating a cream cheese bagel. He watches her intently and her movement. It shows him like a predator, tracking her down and going after the prey. She then wipes the cream cheese from the corner of her mouth and sucks her thumb. It then says Christian's er, willy, tingles like a teenager. Basically, it shows how much he fancies her and how much he wants her.

• Obvs, they took out the Tampon scene. That's okay. We can leave that in the book.

• Not enough sex. 

Video Blogging So Far...

So I've been doing this last October and I'm still not sure what to think of it.

I love the editing aspect of it. Still getting used to talking in front of the camera and also when there's people in the house which is why I usually do it when they're out. 

It's hard to think about what to video blog about and then make it sound really interesting. I also don't know who watches my videos or if anybody does. Actually, I know some of my friends do and it's quite unusual or embarrassing when they say things from my video that I've said or call me their "Favourite YouTuber". They're taking the piss, I know. Don't see myself as one. Probably won't ever. 

But because I don't know who is watching, I don't know what to record or whether they like it. 

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TALK ABOUT! [>.<] 

I know from various YouTubers that I follow that it can take a long time to get anywhere. I don't mind right now. I've been doing this along with final year of uni so my uni work would take priority of course - but then again it's all about time management. 

Another issue is that my voice can be monotone. The worst sound to listen to is your voice and I'm not very fond of it. 

Anyway, I'll carry on vlogging because it's another platform I can expand to. I'll see how it goes. 

TTFN.