I Still Get ID'D For Lottery...

In the UK, the age you are allowed to buy lottery tickets is 16. I'm 22. I still get asked for proof. 

I blame the Asian gene. We look young when we could be at least 40 years old. 

Back at home, I went to buy some scratch cards for my Great Aunt and the guy at the check out till (who was younger than me) asked me for my ID card. Showed him my driver's license, and he was surprised at my age. Think I was a year older than him. I said to him, 'I bet you thought I looked 14' and he was like, 'No, more like 18'

.....wert?.....

The legal age is 16 and you thought I was 18. WHY DID YOOOU ID MEH?!

Anyway, I'm short as well which doesn't help, since most 13-year-olds are taller and bigger than me. 

I don't smoke or take drugs, rarely drink alcohol and I go make up free. I'm fudged. 

 

Growing Up In An Asian Family.

Growing up with Asians is quite something. It's a love/hate thing going on. They're family after all but if you want to survive, here are some heads up.

If you're not Asian, this will be an insight.

• Make sure you don't go deaf. Asians may be small, but never underestimate the size of their lungs.

• When you think they're shouting, they're actually speaking on normal volume.

• You will definitely get the "doctor/lawyer" talk. 

• Obey your mother. You do not want to release the angry Asian mother.

• If you don't, you will get disciplined aka The Slipper

• Family will slag you off. 

• Family will insult you in front of your face. Good thing is, it makes you build a thicker skin. Why you so fat? Why you so skinny? Why you so stupid? Why you so ugly?

• Don't have a pencil sharpener? Grandma will use a knife cut away at the ends.

• You will eat rice with EVERYTHING.

• Your family will arrange for you to meet a "potential" partner.

• If you don't have kids or aren't married, you still receive red packets (money).

• Beware when explaining to your family that you want to date someone out of your race e.g. white/black

• You will never get a birthday party until you graduate university. 

• Everyone will get the bowl cut experience.

• Forced to listen to Chinese opera music.

• Forced to watch Cantonese TV drama.

• Forced to watch every cooking show. 

• But you'll love their game shows.

• Made to work in your parent's takeaway as soon as you pop out of the womb.

• You will know every single dish off the takeaway menu in Chinese.

• Learn to use the chopsticks, otherwise you dishonour your cow.

• If you're a girl, you're not a allowed a boyfriend until you get into university.

• Don't want to the typical Asian look? Avoid: fanny packs, white trainers, the peace sign  pose, glasses, carrying a bag of fruit - just never leave the house.

• The home phone will never stop ringing.

• You will have to give your grandparents or any elder in the house back massages. When I say massages, I mean they like punches to the back. Helps them somehow...

• Constant noise of family clearing their throat. Not pleasant.

• DURIAN!!! THAT IS ALL!!!

• Their love is cold, hard love.

• Never walk around the house with shoes on. You will get slapped.

Have any experiences that I haven't mentioned? Comment below!

Stop Judging My Food.

I grew up with a Chinese background and like any other Asian, we have eaten some weird stuff. Some taste good. Others..NOPE! But I'm a BBC (British Born Chinese), so growing up as a Chinese person in a Western culture - it makes people question what you eat. 

I have been at university for three years now. Finished. And during my time, I have encountered many people looking displeased over my meal. It wouldn't be anything strange either - sometimes a bowl of ramen noodles. 

But so many have judged and said unnecessary comments before I had even started eating my food. BITCH DON'T DISTURB MY ME TIME. All I wanted to do was eat in peace and enjoy my foods. Why was it so hard to ask? Why did people have to open their mouths and think they were being useful by pointing out something moot?

People will judge food on its look and smell, but will never try it. How do they know it's not goddamn tasty? 

"Ermaagherd, like, ew. I knoooow it's nasty. It looks like a bag of worms."

Well then. More for me. 

It's their loss. If they're like this over food, imagine someone else's culture. Are they not going to accept that too? Heck, food is culture. 

They can't keep being close-minded, otherwise they won't experience anything new. OR ANYTHING AT ALL. 

They can't go to a new country and start insulting their food and culture. They'll get more than they bargained in their "chicken burger".  

Some need to have respect for other people and think before they speak. 

Stop ruining my meal. It's my food, not yours. 

Annoying Skin Condition.

I've had skin problems all of my life. I had eczema for ten years until the age of 12 and now I've got it again. Except nothing is healing it.

I've apparently got psoriasis on my legs which has left weepy marks and dark blotches, but thankfully it will fade in time so my legs aren't scarred. 

With my fingers, I have pomphoylx. These affect me the most. Hands are being used everyday so you can't let it properly heal. Watery blisters appear, they pop and sometimes crack into really sore wounds. So many plasters have been used to cover my fingers. 

It hurts when I write. It hurts when I type on the computer. I have to wear gloves when I wash my hair, in case it irritates my hands and also with cooking too. Waaaaa. 

My hands used to be my best feature. I had really nice nails but now a couple of them are dented and growing out all bumpy. Skin is all wrinkly now. 

What I miss is painting my nails. I could but if I wanted to take it off, the nail polish remover would sting so much! 

Apparently my grandmother is going to take me to a skin specialist in Hong Kong - hopefully they'll give me some natural remedies or something. I'll try anything to stop my skin breaking out so badly.

My dermo doctor said that sometimes my skin condition can be caused by stress. Can't be cured, only controlled. So yeah, I'm fudged. 

Learning Mandarin So Far...

So I've been learning Mandarin since September 2014 and it's been going alright.

I've picked up more than I thought and it has helped me understand my language better.

I have been speaking Hakka ever since I was a baby. I'm not brilliant at it but I'm conversant. When you grow up speaking it, you don't really question it - mainly because all I ever did was speak it, I never learned to write in Chinese.

Since I've been learning Mandarin, a lot of words makes sense now. It now clicks because some of the words in Hakka and Mandarin are similar. 

I've also noticed that because some of the words are similar, I get confused more. I say it wrong by accident or I can't distinguish between the dialects.

Some say probably easier because I already speak a Chinese dialect but it really isn't. 

I'm enjoying it though. Once this course is finished, I need to start taking an intermediate class somewhere else because I'm in my final year. 

Tips When Out In Public.

There are some things we do at home, that we tend to avoid out in public but sometimes it cannot be helped. Or we get caught in situations in public that needs rescuing subtly. 
Here are tips if it ever happens.

1) Toilet
Let's face it, we don't like any bathrooms that isn't ours. When a poop needs to come out and you do not have time to run home, go to the cubicle in the deepest end of the toilets (because who walks that far to poop?) or a cubicle near a hand dryer. For those who worry about being "heard", the hand dryer would mask the sound of the plopping. A bonus would be both! Also, would be a good idea to have some perfume on you too. If you don't have any, don't worry - the girls probably saw you walk in and told everyone to evacuate the building. 

2) Pulling A Push Door And Vice Versa
Just walk in like it didn't happen. If anything, they probably never noticed you coming through that door. You're that special. 

3) Opinions
Everyone has one and sometimes they're not useful. It's best to keep the opinions to yourself when out in public if case you end up offending someone. If your friend is being opinionated, get some duct tape and tape that bitch down to the ground and then walk away. They must look like they've been mummified, in order for their punishment to be acceptable. 

4) Farting
It's the 'Who Done It?" game. If you can walk and "talk", let it out slowly and walk away from the fart. 

If you're a lift which is the worst/best place to do it. To do this, let it out slowly and if it smells (trust me it will), give it a second and then cover your hand over your nose - it'll seem like you're blaming it on whoever is in the lift. 

Pull some facial expressions at the same time if you want. They won't suspect it's you. Unless you have a child right next to your bum - then fart on him until they pass out. 

When the lift journey is over, your acting skills would be Oscar worthy. 

5) Dropping Cutlery In A Restaurant
Clumsy moments will happen and when it does, it's dropping a knife or fork and it doesn't happen quietly. When it occurs, blame it on the kid on the next table. 

6) Feeling So Full You Want To Burst
Why does being fancy-pancy restrict us from being who we are? Unbutton that bitch and let that belly flow. 

7) Food In Your Teeth
Do it Asian style, get a toothpick and rummage for the tasty treats lurking in your mouth in front of everybody. Yayyyy. 

Hair Dilemma.

My hair is long. It is long and a lot of effort. I love having long hair but maintaining is a pain. It gets trapped everywhere. I see long strands of hair everywhere. My boyfriend finds it up his butt. I find it up my butt. 

In the end, I just tie it up in a ponytail. It's hassle but it's beautiful hassle.

Many times I have considered getting a bob just to make life easier, but family members and friends say it wouldn't suit me. I'm a long hair kind-of-girl. Shame. It would be nice to have change. 

Maybe when I'm a mother, I'll decide to have really short hair. Don't want the baby eating my precious long locks. 

May end up looking like everyone else in China though....

Video Blogging So Far...

So I've been doing this last October and I'm still not sure what to think of it.

I love the editing aspect of it. Still getting used to talking in front of the camera and also when there's people in the house which is why I usually do it when they're out. 

It's hard to think about what to video blog about and then make it sound really interesting. I also don't know who watches my videos or if anybody does. Actually, I know some of my friends do and it's quite unusual or embarrassing when they say things from my video that I've said or call me their "Favourite YouTuber". They're taking the piss, I know. Don't see myself as one. Probably won't ever. 

But because I don't know who is watching, I don't know what to record or whether they like it. 

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TALK ABOUT! [>.<] 

I know from various YouTubers that I follow that it can take a long time to get anywhere. I don't mind right now. I've been doing this along with final year of uni so my uni work would take priority of course - but then again it's all about time management. 

Another issue is that my voice can be monotone. The worst sound to listen to is your voice and I'm not very fond of it. 

Anyway, I'll carry on vlogging because it's another platform I can expand to. I'll see how it goes. 

TTFN. 

Things People Say To Me Because I'm Chinese: Part One.

I forget sometimes that I'm Chinese because I have other things on my mind, which is why it's lovely to have people point it a lot *sarcasm*. Here are some classics I have encountered throughout my 22 years. Some are hilarious, others you think 'WTF?'

#1 
Friend: What's Szechuan Chicken?

Me: Um, I don't know.

Friend: But you own a takeaway?

Me: We don't sell it there.

Friend: Oh, you're useless then.

Me: .....

#2
Me: To be honest, I'm not that good at Maths.

Friend: But you're Chinese?

#3
Friend: Urgh, why are you dipping toast in hot chocolate?

Me: Because it's tasty.

Friend: Is that a Chinese thing you do?

Me: No, it's French. 

#4
Me: (Finished talking on the phone to my family in Chinese/Hakka)

Friend: Were you speaking in Chinese?

Me: Yes.

Friend: Oh, thought it didn't sound like English. What were you saying like ching-chong wah chong?

Me: .....(That's not how Chinese sounds)

#5
Random person: Are you related to Jackie Chan?

#6
Friend: Why are your eyes so big?

#7
Random person I just met: Also, I know a bit of Tai Chi and Kung Fu.

Me: Um, I don't do that, sorry. (Again, not related to Jackie Chan).

#8
Friend: ISOBEL! You're Chinese!

Me: (Very observant)

#9 
Vietnamese girl: Hi, where are you from?

Me: Devon.

VG: No, I mean originally.

Me: Well my grandparents are from Hong Kong.

VG: Oh, cool. I have friends from Hong Kong. 

Me: Oh, that's nice.

We stop talking.

#10
Friend: No offence but those ramen noodles don't look nice, which is why I don't fancy Chinese men either.

Me: Um, I'm a bit confused, how does the food and men link together??

#11
Me: So I ordered steak with Diane sauce but I didn't realise it had mushrooms in it.

Friend: You don't like mushrooms?

Me: No.

Friend: But you're Chinese? You're supposed to like mushrooms? I thought that was the stereotype that Chinese people like mushrooms?

Me: (First time I've ever heard of that one).

#12
Friend: What does this say?

Me: (Looks at Chinese character they're pointing at). Don't know. I can't read Chinese.

Friend: Oh. How are you even properly Chinese?

#13 
(Dad comes back with sausage and chips takeaway through the shop)

Customer: You guys eat sausage and chips?! I thought you only eat Chinese food because you're Chinese?

Me: (Well what about you? You're English and you're about to eat Chinese food).

#14
Person: Can you teach me some Chinese?

#15
Jehovah Witness: (Starts speaking to me in Mandarin).

Me: Sorry I don't speak Mandarin.

JW: (Carries on speaking in Mandarin).

Me:......

#16
And then there's the boyfriend.

Boyfriend: I was in town earlier and saw a black guy and a white girl holding hands, and I thought "You don't see many interracial relationships around here" and then I remembered that I was in one.

Me: *Face Palm*

At the end of the day, you can't take these comments seriously. Some of them you have to laugh at because of how ridiculous they are. 

People don't think before they speak, or they expect you to know everything from your culture. It does test you sometimes because you can't believe what you had just heard. It's usually the same comments and they mean no harm. 

I've had this for most of my life and so have my family members. You just think they're either curious or just plain dumb. 

PS friends who say these - I know they mean no malice, it's curiosity. Plus, these comments make really good content.

PART TWO WILL BE SOON.