Hair Dilemma.

My hair is long. It is long and a lot of effort. I love having long hair but maintaining is a pain. It gets trapped everywhere. I see long strands of hair everywhere. My boyfriend finds it up his butt. I find it up my butt. 

In the end, I just tie it up in a ponytail. It's hassle but it's beautiful hassle.

Many times I have considered getting a bob just to make life easier, but family members and friends say it wouldn't suit me. I'm a long hair kind-of-girl. Shame. It would be nice to have change. 

Maybe when I'm a mother, I'll decide to have really short hair. Don't want the baby eating my precious long locks. 

May end up looking like everyone else in China though....

Do I Want A Baby Now?

I did a video on this a while ago about why I didn't want a baby right now. I thought it wasn't controversial because I am 22 after all and I thought I had explained myself clearly as to why it would not be convenient. Turns out some people took it the wrong way. Typically, it was the pregnant ones that kicked off or the ones that were already young mothers. 

I'm not too sure why they kicked off to be honest. I was stating why I didn't want one now. Like I said, I'm 22 and nearly finished university - imagine if I decided I want a baby now after completing a degree and not making use of it? I'm in a job mindset, not baby mindset. I want to travel, leave my small town, enjoy a career and myself. That has been my mother's goal and I can see why she encouraged me to go to university and not have a baby yet. My mother had me when she was 22 or 23 (can't remember) and even though I brought light into her life, she admits she was very young and wouldn't want me to repeat history.

Since I'm still a student, I have no moneys. I can't even buy milk sometimes so how can I afford to feed a babby? Money will always be an issue when it comes to children (unless you're super rich). If I became pregnant now? Sorry to say (but not sorry), I would have to abort it. It wouldn't be fair on the child, on my parents who would be helping me or even the father of the child who isn't ready. I can't understand young parents who are expecting a child through accidental pregnancy to be happy. I think I would be shocked. Some accidents can be happy if this is what you want. Don't get me wrong, children are wonderful. But my mother struggled as a single parent with me for a long time. It was lucky my mother had the help she did. But babies are for life, not for just Instagram or Facebook. 

I see young parents on Facebook and Instagram presenting to the world what they had made. I'm happy for them because they finally look happy within themselves, but I can see what's going to happen in 20 years time. The child will turn 18, have a job/go to university/leave home/have a family of their own, and then the parents think it's now their time to shine and party - because they couldn't do it during their 20s and 30s. They think they're free because their child is now an "adult" but they will always be worrying about them 24/7. You're not free once you have a child. 

Another thing I see is that when mothers come to another mothers or pregnant woman's defense, they always say "Having a baby is the best thing that's ever happened to me." I mentioned this to my friend and he got really annoyed and made an interesting point, "How do they know it's the best thing ever when they've never left this town? They haven't travelled, seen the world, or done anything." 

It put me at ease. When I heard about the complaint about the video, it made me feel guilty for mentioning anything. But this was their choice to have a baby. Of course it's the best thing that ever happened - not much has happened in your life before then. I feel bad now for saying that because what if having a baby really saved them, what if this baby is what they needed all along. And to be honest, I don't feel I have done much with my life either apart from going to university. These women have made a human being! 

I don't know.

I guess they chose this path. Everyone has an opinion and obviously they didn't like mine because they are in a situation I am not ready for - doesn't mean I hate it. These mothers can kick off all they like. They chose this path, they can deal with what's coming. There are worse people than me in this world. And it's the same for me too - I don't want a baby right now and some will disagree with that. Seriously, who cares? They'll see me as a hater and have their whole army of people backing them up. Who cares? Ignore me if you do not like it. I wasn't thinking of you when I did the video blog. Plenty of mothers in Southampton and on my friend's News Feed (who had a pregnant friend who kept putting status' about her poo and sickness problems - ew). My world does not revolve around you. What will putting a Facebook status do? Get 600 likes? With people agreeing with you, making you feel validated? It won't stop me from writing things like this. I have to write articles and blogs like this because this will end up being my job one day. I am trained in writing. I have to make money from this. This isn't even controversial. 

Shall I carry on with my points? Went off there. 

I also love my sleep. At this moment, I would not give up my sleep for a baby. If I had one, then yes, taking care of my baby would be priority number one over my bed, but if someone asks me if I would willingly sacrifice my sleep to have a baby now, I would say you're crazy. 

Which leads on to the next point: I am selfish. Not many admit that. I love sleep. I love eating my own food and taking my time. I can be as spontaneous as I like. I like buying things for myself. What single lady who has no responsibilities wouldn't? 

I do admit, it does sound like I'm bashing all the women that are preggers. I'm not. I just don't like the pregnant women who force the idea of getting up the duff on someone who doesn't want one or isn't ready e.g. just finished uni. I wouldn't force someone to go to university because I did. They can go if they want or perhaps decide to do something else. I would have my input and say I enjoyed it thoroughly and the benefits and they can decide from everyone's experience after. 

But then again, that's how I've been brought up. Everyone in my family have said to go to university to earn more money. People can get jobs and earn money but (apparently) with a degree, you can earn more money. We'll see. Need a job first. 

It's funny, when it was December 31st 2014 - I kept seeing memes on Facebook saying, "Like if you made it through 2014 without a baby!". Of course I found it funny because having no bun in the oven is seen as an achievement. I ended up tagging my friend in it. Hehe. Then I saw the comments and it was mothers stating that the women who are happy that they made it without a baby are the ones getting drunk all the time, having one-night stands and do not know the true meaning of happiness because they do not have a baby. 

ERRRRRM.... What? I don't get drunk (even though I should at this age) and I don't have one-night stands (I'm in a long term relationship with a loving boyfriend) so actually ladies, I'm responsible and I am trying to get education together (waaa), thank you. Not all women who don't get pregnant are not like how you described. And I still don't want a baby now - however you make it sound like raindrops and unicorn poop.  

I'm not hating on young mothers, by the way (eek some convincing is needed). My mother was one, and without her, I wouldn't be here but she was ready for a family. It was all she ever wanted: to be married and have kids. If I ever had a baby now, I think I would end up resenting myself for not fulfilling my 20s and 30s with experiences and stories. Basically, I want to get everything out of my system and live life to the fullest and then settle. Because when I settle, I want to have all of my attention on my children and taking care of my husband, because I would be (hopefully) sorted out financially, have a home, a good job and have so many stories to tell people one day. I watch AprilAthena7 on YouTube and a fan queried her about starting a family and April had the perfect answer - it was diplomatic and it made sense. If you want my answer just watch that video.

Also, here is the last reason: I want to avoid the Asian mother feeling disappointed. It would dishonour my family and my cow. 

PS If you see spelling mistakes, it's intended. 

10 Things I Actually Want.

As I have gotten older, all I want now is everything that will make my life a little easier. Practical things. Something useful. Worth the money or not that much at all. Birthdays and Christmas is a difficult time of year because I do know what I want. But if it were to be anything, I would want these.

1) Good Quality Sick Bags
Odd request I know but I mean the aeroplane kind. Small bags with a good lining so it doesn't leak. I suffer from travel sickness and sick bags come in very handy if I suddenly feel queasy in a car, plane, train, coach, ferry or any vehicle that moves. Plastic bags have holes and the amount of tissues you have to use to line it is a waste of money. 

2) Wet Wipes
I love these. I collect the free ones from KFC and they smell like lemon. Mmmm. I don't like dirty surfaces or my hands feeling sticky. Buying them can cost £1 and I can go through them quite quickly. 

3) Money
Need to feed myself and pay off student debt... Waaaaa.

4) Pet Vacuum
If you know me, I malt everywhere! And it's a bugger to remove from carpets or any surface my hair attaches itself to. A vacuum with a really good suction or one that's made for pet hair. 

5) Good Eye Sight
This one isn't possible but one can dream. My eyesight isn't great but I can see without glasses until it comes to being long sighted. I'm short sighted. I enjoy wearing glasses but when I sweat, it can slide off my face and sometimes leave red marks if worn for too long. I would like contact lenses but I nap too much and rub my eyes too often. Laser eye surgery has crossed my mind but it's expensive, there are risks and I would probably miss wearing glasses. Dilemma. 

6) Tissues
I have a constant cold now. Or some sort of dribbly nose. I've come to accept it now. I never have enough. Please, may I have some more?

7) Candles
Anything that smells like lavender, rose, lemon or something that smells like you're having a facial or speak treatment. 

8) Treatment For My Skin
Seen a dermatologist and apparently I have mild psoriasis and pompholyx. Apparently you can't cure it but only control it. No idea how. I wish some tablets would do the job and the creams don't work. Help.

9) Grandma's Recipes
Everybody wants these. I want her Chinese recipes but she doesn't tell people how to make things. No one makes traditional Chinese food like Paw Paw (Hakka for Grandma). 

10) A Manual On Life
You know - social, work, family, risks I should and shouldn't take, money, travel - anything! But then life would be too easy I guess. I just want to know that I'm on the right track and doing okay. 

I haven't asked for much.

Video Blogging So Far...

So I've been doing this last October and I'm still not sure what to think of it.

I love the editing aspect of it. Still getting used to talking in front of the camera and also when there's people in the house which is why I usually do it when they're out. 

It's hard to think about what to video blog about and then make it sound really interesting. I also don't know who watches my videos or if anybody does. Actually, I know some of my friends do and it's quite unusual or embarrassing when they say things from my video that I've said or call me their "Favourite YouTuber". They're taking the piss, I know. Don't see myself as one. Probably won't ever. 

But because I don't know who is watching, I don't know what to record or whether they like it. 

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TALK ABOUT! [>.<] 

I know from various YouTubers that I follow that it can take a long time to get anywhere. I don't mind right now. I've been doing this along with final year of uni so my uni work would take priority of course - but then again it's all about time management. 

Another issue is that my voice can be monotone. The worst sound to listen to is your voice and I'm not very fond of it. 

Anyway, I'll carry on vlogging because it's another platform I can expand to. I'll see how it goes. 

TTFN. 

"DAAANG, MY STATUS AIN'T EVEN ABOUT YOU."

Facebook is the root of all evil....Because of the people on it! I don't write status' because it seems like effort to update everyone on what time I'm pooping. For those who update regularly (like my parents), their status' can be taken the wrong way. Why? Because minds go into overload and think it is directed at them or somebody. No. Our world does not revolve around you so stop flattering yourselves. 

Why do people assume? It could be because of: stalking, boredom, crazy women, affairs, speculation, inferiority complex, threatened, odd activity - or just gossip to shorten it. 

There's no privacy on Facebook anymore and people assume they have the right to know everything in your personal life. Well I guess if people are willing to open up their lives to Facebook then I can't see why they complain when they want privacy or get annoyed if their status is read differently. Stop putting stupid status' up then. It goes both ways. 

People won't speculate if you don't put anything up. 

Should You Act Your Age?

I am currently 22-years-old and to be honest, I do not feel it. 

I still feel like a kid: I play games, watch cartoons, loved being fed by family (then again, who doesn't?), and I'm not in the mind set of a person who should be working full-time sometime this year. But how am I supposed to act? I graduate this year and yet, I feel like I'm not ready for anything. I've been in education since I was 4 and I'm supposed to land a job soon after my degree. *sigh* 

Don't get me wrong, I can't wait. It's a new adventure to me but it means that I have to be an "adult". Am I ready to be an adult yet? How do you BE an adult? What if I don't want to be one? Hmm, well I guess there are already aspects that make me one: I buy adult train tickets, family members are getting really old, I have to feed myself, and sort out bills. I don't understand rent and bills still but unfortunately, no going back. 

I sometimes feel small or "unknowledgeable" when I'm around with other "adults" who talk about, let's say, politics, finance or tax. I don't know much about the topics, which is sad because I feel like I should by now. Should we have been taught this at school, college or university? Or should I have taken the initiative and Googled everything? 

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! WHAT DO I DO?!

Hmph. I don't know how I should act or what I should know by this age. I look at people and think, "How did you go from laughing at poop to running the country?" But then I see plenty of other people who haven't grown up, so it makes me feel okay. Maybe we never grow up. I'm cool with that, as long as I have common sense (and money, job, love, family, Disney and video games). I will never do some things the "adult" way. AND NO I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO AFTER UNI STILL! Leave meeeeeeee.

To be continued...

Live In The Moment. Leave The Phone.

Everywhere you look, there is a person on their phone.

I am guilty of this. My mother is even more guilty of this. I have to call her name 20 times over a 10 minute period before I get a response. 

People are not connected to reality. Facebook. Instagram. BBC News. Candy Crush. It seems as though everybody is addicted to their phones. If I ever asked my parents to stay away from their phone for a day, they'll get the shakes. It's funny. 

Phones are brilliant for capturing the moment, but it is also about living in the moment and so far, we miss a lot of what's going on. 

I once left my phone at home by accident and it actually felt liberating. I do recommend it, however, you'll need to wear a watch and come up with another way of people contacting you for the day. 

So why not? Turn your phone off and see what happens.