Do I Want A Baby Now?

I did a video on this a while ago about why I didn't want a baby right now. I thought it wasn't controversial because I am 22 after all and I thought I had explained myself clearly as to why it would not be convenient. Turns out some people took it the wrong way. Typically, it was the pregnant ones that kicked off or the ones that were already young mothers. 

I'm not too sure why they kicked off to be honest. I was stating why I didn't want one now. Like I said, I'm 22 and nearly finished university - imagine if I decided I want a baby now after completing a degree and not making use of it? I'm in a job mindset, not baby mindset. I want to travel, leave my small town, enjoy a career and myself. That has been my mother's goal and I can see why she encouraged me to go to university and not have a baby yet. My mother had me when she was 22 or 23 (can't remember) and even though I brought light into her life, she admits she was very young and wouldn't want me to repeat history.

Since I'm still a student, I have no moneys. I can't even buy milk sometimes so how can I afford to feed a babby? Money will always be an issue when it comes to children (unless you're super rich). If I became pregnant now? Sorry to say (but not sorry), I would have to abort it. It wouldn't be fair on the child, on my parents who would be helping me or even the father of the child who isn't ready. I can't understand young parents who are expecting a child through accidental pregnancy to be happy. I think I would be shocked. Some accidents can be happy if this is what you want. Don't get me wrong, children are wonderful. But my mother struggled as a single parent with me for a long time. It was lucky my mother had the help she did. But babies are for life, not for just Instagram or Facebook. 

I see young parents on Facebook and Instagram presenting to the world what they had made. I'm happy for them because they finally look happy within themselves, but I can see what's going to happen in 20 years time. The child will turn 18, have a job/go to university/leave home/have a family of their own, and then the parents think it's now their time to shine and party - because they couldn't do it during their 20s and 30s. They think they're free because their child is now an "adult" but they will always be worrying about them 24/7. You're not free once you have a child. 

Another thing I see is that when mothers come to another mothers or pregnant woman's defense, they always say "Having a baby is the best thing that's ever happened to me." I mentioned this to my friend and he got really annoyed and made an interesting point, "How do they know it's the best thing ever when they've never left this town? They haven't travelled, seen the world, or done anything." 

It put me at ease. When I heard about the complaint about the video, it made me feel guilty for mentioning anything. But this was their choice to have a baby. Of course it's the best thing that ever happened - not much has happened in your life before then. I feel bad now for saying that because what if having a baby really saved them, what if this baby is what they needed all along. And to be honest, I don't feel I have done much with my life either apart from going to university. These women have made a human being! 

I don't know.

I guess they chose this path. Everyone has an opinion and obviously they didn't like mine because they are in a situation I am not ready for - doesn't mean I hate it. These mothers can kick off all they like. They chose this path, they can deal with what's coming. There are worse people than me in this world. And it's the same for me too - I don't want a baby right now and some will disagree with that. Seriously, who cares? They'll see me as a hater and have their whole army of people backing them up. Who cares? Ignore me if you do not like it. I wasn't thinking of you when I did the video blog. Plenty of mothers in Southampton and on my friend's News Feed (who had a pregnant friend who kept putting status' about her poo and sickness problems - ew). My world does not revolve around you. What will putting a Facebook status do? Get 600 likes? With people agreeing with you, making you feel validated? It won't stop me from writing things like this. I have to write articles and blogs like this because this will end up being my job one day. I am trained in writing. I have to make money from this. This isn't even controversial. 

Shall I carry on with my points? Went off there. 

I also love my sleep. At this moment, I would not give up my sleep for a baby. If I had one, then yes, taking care of my baby would be priority number one over my bed, but if someone asks me if I would willingly sacrifice my sleep to have a baby now, I would say you're crazy. 

Which leads on to the next point: I am selfish. Not many admit that. I love sleep. I love eating my own food and taking my time. I can be as spontaneous as I like. I like buying things for myself. What single lady who has no responsibilities wouldn't? 

I do admit, it does sound like I'm bashing all the women that are preggers. I'm not. I just don't like the pregnant women who force the idea of getting up the duff on someone who doesn't want one or isn't ready e.g. just finished uni. I wouldn't force someone to go to university because I did. They can go if they want or perhaps decide to do something else. I would have my input and say I enjoyed it thoroughly and the benefits and they can decide from everyone's experience after. 

But then again, that's how I've been brought up. Everyone in my family have said to go to university to earn more money. People can get jobs and earn money but (apparently) with a degree, you can earn more money. We'll see. Need a job first. 

It's funny, when it was December 31st 2014 - I kept seeing memes on Facebook saying, "Like if you made it through 2014 without a baby!". Of course I found it funny because having no bun in the oven is seen as an achievement. I ended up tagging my friend in it. Hehe. Then I saw the comments and it was mothers stating that the women who are happy that they made it without a baby are the ones getting drunk all the time, having one-night stands and do not know the true meaning of happiness because they do not have a baby. 

ERRRRRM.... What? I don't get drunk (even though I should at this age) and I don't have one-night stands (I'm in a long term relationship with a loving boyfriend) so actually ladies, I'm responsible and I am trying to get education together (waaa), thank you. Not all women who don't get pregnant are not like how you described. And I still don't want a baby now - however you make it sound like raindrops and unicorn poop.  

I'm not hating on young mothers, by the way (eek some convincing is needed). My mother was one, and without her, I wouldn't be here but she was ready for a family. It was all she ever wanted: to be married and have kids. If I ever had a baby now, I think I would end up resenting myself for not fulfilling my 20s and 30s with experiences and stories. Basically, I want to get everything out of my system and live life to the fullest and then settle. Because when I settle, I want to have all of my attention on my children and taking care of my husband, because I would be (hopefully) sorted out financially, have a home, a good job and have so many stories to tell people one day. I watch AprilAthena7 on YouTube and a fan queried her about starting a family and April had the perfect answer - it was diplomatic and it made sense. If you want my answer just watch that video.

Also, here is the last reason: I want to avoid the Asian mother feeling disappointed. It would dishonour my family and my cow. 

PS If you see spelling mistakes, it's intended. 

Dear Ex No.1...

I don’t know where to begin. I guess at ‘Hi'. This will be one of the most difficult letters to write. Probably because you are my first love and will always have a spot in my heart.

I don’t know what happened with us. I don’t see our past relationship as a failed one. We were very young and fell in love. It was my first time falling in love and it was quite an adventure. Our two and a half years together was very special. Of course like any couple, we had our ups and downs but I don’t regret our time with each other. 

When I first saw you, I thought you were lovely and tall. And then we started talking to each other and meeting up and I thought your blue eyes were the most beautiful things I had ever seen. The only reason we ever got together was because our friend and I’m very grateful she helped us along the way. 

You made me laugh, feel butterflies, happiness and just pure love. I knew it was serious when we took our relationship to the next level. I don't feel regret.

You made me overcome my fear of dogs when I had to confront your 3 big dogs at your house. I was crapping myself. They were jumping and being excited and my fear was getting jumped on again. But they were lovely. Kinda. Still crapping myself after meeting them. 

Meeting your parents was scary too. First time meeting the boyfriend’s parents but they were very welcoming and lovely. Like you. You were always lovely to me, especially your hand drawn cards you created for my birthdays, Valentine’s and anniversaries. 

But something felt different nearer to the end of our relationship.

I don’t know what it was but it didn’t feel the same. You weren’t the man I fell in love anymore. You were drifting away from me. But I still held on. When it came to breaking up, I realised afterwards that you were the one who broke it off with me. At first, I thought it was mutual, but the realisation hit hard. I experienced my first ever heartbreak. It sucked. And then you got a girlfriend afterwards, the sucking got worse. 

The attempt to move on was difficult. Our relationship came to a halt. You were moving on before I could even grasp that we had even broken up. But by then, you could do what you wanted, you weren’t mine anymore.

It’s been nearly 4 years since we ended. Time’s flown. We’re probably quite different people now compared to our 15-year-old selves. Seeing you recently has made me miss the friendship and the good times that we had. But I also remember the bad, which stops me from thinking any further. 

There were so many things I wished for during and after our relationship and what could've been different, but that's all in the past now. I guess we were never meant to be and I've accepted that. 

You were a good boyfriend and I'm glad you were mine once. I wish you the best of luck in the future. Take care.

All the love from, Isobel x

Piglet: How Do You Spell Love? ------------------ Pooh: You Don't Spell It, You Feel It.

In a relationship? Want to spread the news on how happy you are and how fantastic your partner is? Of course you do. But when does it start bordering on annoying, in which you then begin questioning why they keep doing it?

There are many people on Facebook who gush about their boyfriend/girlfriend or post the occassional "I love you" on their partner's wall for all the world to see, depicting a very lovey-dovey couple that we would imagine. But then I wonder if it is something much deeper like a cover up because most people do that in order to maintain a illusion that their relationship is somewhere far from okay.

And what if they are okay? Well, then I start to question other platform of communication e.g. text, WhatsApp, Facebook Messenger, Skype, a phone call - Are they all broken? Do they not fit your means of standard whereby you have to post how much you love them online? Why does the whole world need to see you write three affectionate words in such a public manner?

Sure you get the exceptions - i.e. my parents - I have to let these guys off to be honest, they are my parents after all. They are one of the soppiest human beings I know - My mum puts up love quotes [one a day for all those lucky people who are friends with her, two if she's generous] dedicated to my father and he reciprocates the feelings through YouTube videos featuring love songs from their decade. It's sweet really with the given nicknames such as "Boo Boo" aka my dad, but my exposure to their fairytale doesn't stop there - they smooch, cuddle and laugh at each other and I can see, that they are happy online and also behind the scenes.

But what about the couples who aren't happy as they seem online? I know a few couples who argue all the time and not at all that happy within their relationship due to the mounting of issues and yet, they still post about how happy they are. Is it denial that's happening? With that many people apparently knowing how content you are, is it just maintaining that facade, in case of letting them down? We will never know. 

People who brag about how amazing their partner is on a daily/weekly basis do get noticed, but only when it stops. There's nothing more strange than a couple, who were soppy as hell a week ago, have now disappeared from your newsfeed. Of course we get worried because we haven't heard from them in what seems like years and so, the next step after getting all hot and bothered is to check out their profile, and a majority of the time, lo' and behold, they've broken up. Ah! An answer!
Right, this is why you don't publicly declare your love all the time, people won't take notice when you're typing away saying "I love you so much, you're my world, you're my everything" when in fact your partner is actually in earshot of you saying it, instead the user's attention would be focused on your lack of presence online.

This reminds me of when Peter and I went on holiday to Gran Canaria last year and there was this young couple who arrived the same time as us and we saw them by the pool and at dinner everyday, and the one thing that they always did was kiss. Never separated. They were act it like teens - and there were bloody children around as well. It was just fascinating watching them kiss non-stop, and then, we saw them one evening and they weren't kissing! Me and Peter were so baffled, we wondered whether they were feeling ill. We noticed that when they weren't kissing, they looked miserable. They didn't look too happy eating food either. And if they're not happy eating food with their loved one beside them, then they are not truly happy. Food and sex makes everybody happy. Yah?

Anyway, it can get annoying. The thing is, people don't need to see how amazing your boyfriend/girlfriend is by spamming it online daily - that's not #1 priority. My boyfriend and I don't send each other things like that online, it's more of a private matter when sending our love - i.e. phone calls/messenger. Unless it's our anniversary so I'll put something up once a year. Which is coming up, so beware. 

Another thing is what about your single friends on Facebook? How do they feel? Consider those who don't have a partner. Sure it might be their choice that they want to eat Ben & Jerry's alone but then again, what if they are trying to find love but failing? It can be hard for some. 

*Sigh* What I'm trying to say is, don't spread your love to prove something - people will see through it. And try not to make statements that you're going to be "2Getha 4Eva" - you're not teenagers anymore. Perhaps I'm too cynical - I do adore a love story but there's a point where we are all going to overdose from it on Facebook.  

Also, I found this though. Credit to Sarcasm_Only on Instagram. 

Therefore, if you break up - people would not suspect a thang! 

Happy August everyone!