My life so far is going to plan. Better than expected in some areas. I didn't realise my life right now would make me as content as I am, despite the rough journey of getting here.
It's been 4 years since I was a naive 16-year-old, but there are some things I wish I knew at that age and here they are:
1) Don't let love take over your life and screw you - From the age of 15 to 19. I have had two long term relationships. Both men who I thought were lovely, had manipulated me and weren't the grown men I thought they were. My life revolved around my first relationship, my former boyfriend was my world and I was in love. The majority of my time back then was spent with him, instead of studying for my GCSEs and picking out the ideal A-Level choices. Then came along my second relationship, I thought I had learnt from my first by not letting relationships take over but I did it again. Big mistake. By this time, I was studying my A-Levels and I pooped my pants every time I got a rejected offer. Again, love conquered all.
2) Study harder - This is the most cliched saying ever, but it's annoying true and we never learn. During my relationships, I should've studied harder. Harder for my GCSEs and harder for my A-Levels. Perhaps, if I did, I would've gotten a Grade B in Maths and my options would be broader - but I only received a C. I don't think I worked hard enough for that opportunity. However, I had learnt from the millionth mistake and after a year of doing A-Levels at Sixth Form (I stayed for my former boyfriend - BIG mistake), I applied for Exeter College and started fresh. During my two years at college, I studied very hard. One piece of advice I would give to my 16-year-old self - Go straight to Exeter College! Making new friends and teachers was like a breath of fresh air.
3) Be patient - From 16-19, getting into University seemed like it was light years away but time went quickly. Whenever I didn't receive the grade I needed for certain universities due to tariff points, my heart sank a little. Until it was in the pit of my stomach. I worked at my parents business everyday, as well as studying for my exams just to keep myself busy and I was in Newquay holidaying with the girls when I found out I got into my first choice. I was estatic. The feeling is very rewarding afterwards. Like they say, patience is a virtue.
4) Princesses aren't real. Think about what you want to do in life - This was one of the most hardest thing in life. Teachers, midwife, journalist, mummy. I couldn't pick. I do wish I had the motivation to get work experience at Primary Schools. I wanted to be a teacher since a few people have told me I'm quite good with children. Work experience is key. I was so lazy.
5) How to put make-up on - The essentials of being a girl. I never wore make-up and kept natural. When eyeliner touched my face, I had looked like I had been punched in the face. That was the quote my own mother had used. I did an awful job. Thank god for YouTube, and my mummy.
Even though I wish I had known about these things, I wouldn't change what had happened. I've learnt from my mistakes. These events in life so far that I have experienced were meant to happen, in order for me to be how I am today. If they didn't, I don't know whether I'd be as content as I am. I used to be so insecure about my looks, my body, only a few friends, my grades, but none of that worries me no more. I've moved on.
It's been 4 years... Wow. Hasn't that gone quickly?
Wednesday 27 February 2013
Thursday 21 February 2013
"When You're Upset, Just Imagine A T-Rex Making A Bed."
Definition of blog
noun
- a personal website or web
page on which an individual records opinions, links to other sites, etc.
on a regular basis.
verb (blogs, blogging, blogged)
[no object]
- add
new material to or regularly update a blog:it’s
about a week since I last blogged
- [with
object] write
about (an event, situation, topic, etc.) in a blog:
My last piece caused backlash. I
send my apologies but I won't take it down.
People said they wanted a chance to have their say, this was my chance to have mine too. I didn't speak during that meeting. I don't like being put on the spot. I like to absorb what I've seen and think about it. I express myself in writing, people know how quiet and reserved I am. After I posted my blog, I was accused of 'bitching' and it hurt I was told that when I didn't. I didn't mean for it to come across that way.
I've re-read it - it does sound a bit harsh but that's how I felt. My friend told me how she likes my honesty in blogs because she could never be that brave to do it. I wrote down how I saw the situation in my own words. It was my view. Everyone can see this blog which is why I try to be as diplomatic and unbiased as possible.
If I want to be a journalist, I guess I need negative response to toughen up my skin, but I don't welcome it. No-one does. I understand not everyone is going to like my blog. If I offend anyone then I do say sorry, but I won't take it down if emotional guilt is involved.
Family members and friends have said it was a brave thing I did putting up the meeting blog. It was risky but I took the chance. I guess that's what you do in life, take chances. This can also relate to my 'Sliding Doors' blog - What if I didn't post that piece? I think my opinions would've been buried with me and I probably would've regretted not saying my part.
I've never complained about anyone. The amount of times I have heard screaming, drunken walk-ins or how bad junk food is - I don't complain. I don't want to. I let them get on with it. That's where my loyalties lie. In the middle. That's why I didn't have a say. It didn't relate back to me. Even if I did say something, I think it would've been batted down or not affected the situation.
I changed for the better ever since someone called me a two-faced bitch in Year 9 and it hurt me deep. I wouldn't dream of going back to the way I was in early secondary. I was so young and stupid to behave that way. My mum brought me up to be good. She's taught me what is unethically and morally wrong. My mother said my blog was fine and I trust my mother. Mothers are the first to slap you down if they think their child is at fault.
At the end of the day, it was my choice and I accept the consequences. This blog is my responsibility. I want to be a tougher cookie for the future. This is a good learning curve.
Wednesday 20 February 2013
So, We Meet Again.
Dear Residents,
Following on going noise incidents and complaints involving this kitchen all residents all required to attend a group kitchen meeting so this can be resolved.
The following issues will be addressed:
Should you be unable to attend due to study commitments only then please let me know otherwise formal action will be taken.
So guys, remember my blog "Halls From Hell."?
Well, things escalated after I wrote that as we received this email and we all had a meeting with the manager.
This is what it came to. I want to say it was civil between kitchen members but after looking back on it, there were some things said that weren't very nice.
Some people showed their true colours and their intentions. It annoyed me how inconsiderate and selfish they were. I'm a very understanding person, I see both sides but both were as bad as each other.
Witnessing what I did was like when I did Jury Duty back in March 2012. I witnessed a murder case. In front of me, the defendant kept on changing or adding elements to the trial. I kept wondering: Why didn't he say what he just said back then? Why change the storyline now? I thought the same when I heard flatmates agree/deny something or assume a person is at fault.
I don't know who tells the truth anymore. I was disappointed.
We're girls going into our 20s. Perhaps I'm the old sod with the cup of tea but I know what's fun and like I said, I'm very understanding but there's a boundary I think.
I know I said in the previous blog that we're at university and people shouldn't complain but respect is important and people don't learn until it hits them hard.
I don't complain because back at home, I live in a high street, above a takeaway and I come from a loud Chinese family. Noise everywhere! I've probably gone deaf.
The duelling was all about having one-upmanship. I knew better. I kept my lips shut.
The manager said to one of the girls to bite their tongue during situations if they want to say something inappropriate. Another girl asked why the others couldn't just get earplugs and why they couldn't party all night, and she said it in such an uncaring way that it made me annoyed. Yes, we all pay over £4000 to be here, so we should be entitled to fun but the other people should be entitled to sleep. That was one point made during our gathering. We're here at university to learn. The manager told her that what she said was unreasonable and I silenty agreed. It was being inconsiderate. it just upset me how people just change or show what they're truly like. They're not who you thought they were.
My mother taught me to think before I speak and I saw a lack of it during the meeting.
Maybe I've been naive. I see everyone in a good light. Most of these girls have good hearts, I know they don't mean it, but if I sense a bad nut, I'll keep my guard up.
They're young afterall, but I think this meeting did no good. It was all talk, no action. Once action is made, then hopefully they'll learn. Like a light smack on a toddlers bottom to teach it a lesson. These girls can't keep behaving the way they do.
I've already seen a murder case, I don't want to see another bloody meeting.
Following on going noise incidents and complaints involving this kitchen all residents all required to attend a group kitchen meeting so this can be resolved.
The following issues will be addressed:
- Noise
- Inappropriate complaints i.e. times
- Non kitchen members using the kitchen
- Forms of potential bullying behaviour
- Fire exits being left open
Should you be unable to attend due to study commitments only then please let me know otherwise formal action will be taken.
So guys, remember my blog "Halls From Hell."?
Well, things escalated after I wrote that as we received this email and we all had a meeting with the manager.
This is what it came to. I want to say it was civil between kitchen members but after looking back on it, there were some things said that weren't very nice.
Some people showed their true colours and their intentions. It annoyed me how inconsiderate and selfish they were. I'm a very understanding person, I see both sides but both were as bad as each other.
Witnessing what I did was like when I did Jury Duty back in March 2012. I witnessed a murder case. In front of me, the defendant kept on changing or adding elements to the trial. I kept wondering: Why didn't he say what he just said back then? Why change the storyline now? I thought the same when I heard flatmates agree/deny something or assume a person is at fault.
I don't know who tells the truth anymore. I was disappointed.
We're girls going into our 20s. Perhaps I'm the old sod with the cup of tea but I know what's fun and like I said, I'm very understanding but there's a boundary I think.
I know I said in the previous blog that we're at university and people shouldn't complain but respect is important and people don't learn until it hits them hard.
I don't complain because back at home, I live in a high street, above a takeaway and I come from a loud Chinese family. Noise everywhere! I've probably gone deaf.
The duelling was all about having one-upmanship. I knew better. I kept my lips shut.
The manager said to one of the girls to bite their tongue during situations if they want to say something inappropriate. Another girl asked why the others couldn't just get earplugs and why they couldn't party all night, and she said it in such an uncaring way that it made me annoyed. Yes, we all pay over £4000 to be here, so we should be entitled to fun but the other people should be entitled to sleep. That was one point made during our gathering. We're here at university to learn. The manager told her that what she said was unreasonable and I silenty agreed. It was being inconsiderate. it just upset me how people just change or show what they're truly like. They're not who you thought they were.
My mother taught me to think before I speak and I saw a lack of it during the meeting.
Maybe I've been naive. I see everyone in a good light. Most of these girls have good hearts, I know they don't mean it, but if I sense a bad nut, I'll keep my guard up.
They're young afterall, but I think this meeting did no good. It was all talk, no action. Once action is made, then hopefully they'll learn. Like a light smack on a toddlers bottom to teach it a lesson. These girls can't keep behaving the way they do.
I've already seen a murder case, I don't want to see another bloody meeting.
Sliding Doors.
Ever imagine what your life would be like if you picked the other option?
I do. It makes you think about whether you've made the right decision in life.
Love is one factor to consider.
I've got the inspiration to write this blog when I watched the film ' Sliding Doors', where the film shows two parallel universes of Gwyneth Paltrow's character: One where she misses her train by a second and the other where she catches her train on time.
We follow both versions on whether her catching the train makes an impact in her life.
It did, of course. When she caught her train, she met John Hannah's character on the tube, she arrived home to her boyfriend having sex with another woman in bed, broke up with him, changed her hair colour from brown to blonde, met that tube guy again, had sex, got pregnant with him but got hit by a car and died in hospital, losing her baby.
In the other version where she had missed her train, so she tries to hail a taxi, gets robbed and injured. When home, she didn't catch her boyfriend cheating, he had finished having sex with the mistress, they carry on as normal, the other woman comes round now and again, then towards the end, we find out that Gwyneth Paltrow and the mistress get pregnant by the same man and then she finds out he's been cheating. She runs away from her boyfriend and falls down the stairs, ending up in hospital and loses her baby but alive. We also see John Hannah's character in the same hospital visiting his sick mother and walks past Gwyneth Paltrow's character.
This film influenced the American TV show "Frasier" where it showed an episode of the character Frasier deciding whether to wear a suit jacket or a jumper to a date and it shows simple things like that can make a difference.
However, both the film and the comedy show ended with the same outcome. Its just the journey of getting to the other end that makes it difficult. I've learnt from experience that when you think you've made the right decision in life, it can lead to bad consequences. Maybe thats a hint from life that you've done the wrong thing.
Like love. Love is very unpredictable, but if two people are meant to be, then they'll collide. No matter what universe they're in.
It's scary how little things we do can make a huge impact, perhaps costing us opportunities which is quite sad. Love doesn't have an undo button like a game if we screw it up. We have to start again sometimes from scratch with our remaining lives. Sometimes we get a second chance. Sometimes we're not meant to have a second chance and therefore have to live with our mistake never knowing what might've happened.
But some people don't learn from their mistakes because they've never witnessed it from anothers point of view. For example, my mum told me that when a mother makes a mistake as a young woman, if she has a daughter then she must inform her child of these mistakes so that she wouldn't be repeating history. Otherwise it'd become a cycle.
Another example is my 42-year-old father. In his 20s, after my mother and biological father divorced, they got back together and he received a job offer in advertising, near London. He asked my mother whether she would wait for him if he got this job and she said no because of me. She had a child to look after (in Devon) and so, not wanting to risk losing my mother again, he stayed in town and helped run the takeaway with her, and he still does now.
I asked him before I went to university, whether he could go into advertising now if he had the chance and he replied by saying it was too late for him. From that, I asked if he regretted working in the takeaway, he said yes, but he doesn't regret staying with my mother. My dad stayed for love, but it cost him.
That is one decision I know I definitely was sure about. University. I wanted to experience the world. More social circles. To broaden my career choices.
But what if I didn't go? Would I still be working at the takeaway everyday? Would I be at college for another two years? Would I still be with Steven? My life came to a halt until four months ago and I'm very gracious to my family who pushed me to be where I am now.
.
Thankyou.
I do. It makes you think about whether you've made the right decision in life.
Love is one factor to consider.
I've got the inspiration to write this blog when I watched the film ' Sliding Doors', where the film shows two parallel universes of Gwyneth Paltrow's character: One where she misses her train by a second and the other where she catches her train on time.
We follow both versions on whether her catching the train makes an impact in her life.
It did, of course. When she caught her train, she met John Hannah's character on the tube, she arrived home to her boyfriend having sex with another woman in bed, broke up with him, changed her hair colour from brown to blonde, met that tube guy again, had sex, got pregnant with him but got hit by a car and died in hospital, losing her baby.
In the other version where she had missed her train, so she tries to hail a taxi, gets robbed and injured. When home, she didn't catch her boyfriend cheating, he had finished having sex with the mistress, they carry on as normal, the other woman comes round now and again, then towards the end, we find out that Gwyneth Paltrow and the mistress get pregnant by the same man and then she finds out he's been cheating. She runs away from her boyfriend and falls down the stairs, ending up in hospital and loses her baby but alive. We also see John Hannah's character in the same hospital visiting his sick mother and walks past Gwyneth Paltrow's character.
This film influenced the American TV show "Frasier" where it showed an episode of the character Frasier deciding whether to wear a suit jacket or a jumper to a date and it shows simple things like that can make a difference.
However, both the film and the comedy show ended with the same outcome. Its just the journey of getting to the other end that makes it difficult. I've learnt from experience that when you think you've made the right decision in life, it can lead to bad consequences. Maybe thats a hint from life that you've done the wrong thing.
Like love. Love is very unpredictable, but if two people are meant to be, then they'll collide. No matter what universe they're in.
It's scary how little things we do can make a huge impact, perhaps costing us opportunities which is quite sad. Love doesn't have an undo button like a game if we screw it up. We have to start again sometimes from scratch with our remaining lives. Sometimes we get a second chance. Sometimes we're not meant to have a second chance and therefore have to live with our mistake never knowing what might've happened.
But some people don't learn from their mistakes because they've never witnessed it from anothers point of view. For example, my mum told me that when a mother makes a mistake as a young woman, if she has a daughter then she must inform her child of these mistakes so that she wouldn't be repeating history. Otherwise it'd become a cycle.
Another example is my 42-year-old father. In his 20s, after my mother and biological father divorced, they got back together and he received a job offer in advertising, near London. He asked my mother whether she would wait for him if he got this job and she said no because of me. She had a child to look after (in Devon) and so, not wanting to risk losing my mother again, he stayed in town and helped run the takeaway with her, and he still does now.
I asked him before I went to university, whether he could go into advertising now if he had the chance and he replied by saying it was too late for him. From that, I asked if he regretted working in the takeaway, he said yes, but he doesn't regret staying with my mother. My dad stayed for love, but it cost him.
That is one decision I know I definitely was sure about. University. I wanted to experience the world. More social circles. To broaden my career choices.
But what if I didn't go? Would I still be working at the takeaway everyday? Would I be at college for another two years? Would I still be with Steven? My life came to a halt until four months ago and I'm very gracious to my family who pushed me to be where I am now.
.
Thankyou.
Monday 11 February 2013
What Beats Horse Meat?
Recently in the news, Tescos have been found using horse meat in ready meals and it has caused a furore nationally.
Personally, it doesn't bother me. I'm Chinese so i've tried most things (e.g. chicken feet, sea cucumber - a fish that looks like a worm in the ocean, deer, shark, you name it), i'm quite open to trying new things. A Chinese persons motto to food is 'if it has four legs, then it is edible.'
If I have eaten a bit of horse, well, I can't do anything about it now, its long gone now. The French have been eating it for years since the war so it seems reasonable edible.
However, one animal I will not eat is dogs. I don't follow everything my people spit out. Dogs are cute. A friend once asked me when we were both 16 whether I eat dogs, she assumed that because I was Chinese and therefore made a generalisation. I told her I was really offended. I thought she knew me better. My friend back then was a bit of a 'maneater', it was like me asking her if she ate men for breakfast because she had a 'big' appetite for the male species. I can imagine her reaction would be offended. I never forgave her.
People have probably found worse than horses in their food, for example, pubic hair, nails, bugs, that brain found in a KFC meal, a rat baked in that bread which was ALSO by Tesco.
This horse meat situation really affects the younger generation because they love animals and wouldn't imagine eating a horse that they rode last year. It'd be a horror story to them.
On the other hand, it could be worse. It could be human flesh. How would we react? Would we be cannibals if we found that contaminated meal rather tasty without knowing what was inside it? I don't want to be around when that story happens. It'd be a horror story to my stomach.
Personally, it doesn't bother me. I'm Chinese so i've tried most things (e.g. chicken feet, sea cucumber - a fish that looks like a worm in the ocean, deer, shark, you name it), i'm quite open to trying new things. A Chinese persons motto to food is 'if it has four legs, then it is edible.'
If I have eaten a bit of horse, well, I can't do anything about it now, its long gone now. The French have been eating it for years since the war so it seems reasonable edible.
However, one animal I will not eat is dogs. I don't follow everything my people spit out. Dogs are cute. A friend once asked me when we were both 16 whether I eat dogs, she assumed that because I was Chinese and therefore made a generalisation. I told her I was really offended. I thought she knew me better. My friend back then was a bit of a 'maneater', it was like me asking her if she ate men for breakfast because she had a 'big' appetite for the male species. I can imagine her reaction would be offended. I never forgave her.
People have probably found worse than horses in their food, for example, pubic hair, nails, bugs, that brain found in a KFC meal, a rat baked in that bread which was ALSO by Tesco.
This horse meat situation really affects the younger generation because they love animals and wouldn't imagine eating a horse that they rode last year. It'd be a horror story to them.
On the other hand, it could be worse. It could be human flesh. How would we react? Would we be cannibals if we found that contaminated meal rather tasty without knowing what was inside it? I don't want to be around when that story happens. It'd be a horror story to my stomach.
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