What Defines Us Is How Well We Rise After Falling

I follow a YouTube channel called JK News, a news style channel where they express their opinions over articles sent by subscribers and I consider myself a fan. I have watched all of their videos and agree with what they have to say.

In the new video, however, "Bully Asks Girl He Once Tormented On Date But Gets Rejected", I felt really disappointed. In this story, it was about a female university student who was bullied for three years by this boy back in Year 8. Now 22, she got asked out by the boy over Facebook. It said her first instinct was to say "no" but due to what he did to her, she decided to accept the date and stand him up and leave him a picture of her 13-year-old self and a note saying if he remembered her and what he did affected her. Basically scolding him and making him feel bad.

JK News response? One member kept calling her a "loser", "unevolved" and "immature" and that everyone gets picked on. Yes, it's true, everybody gets picked on during their life but this girl was bullied for THREE years. That's some serious picking. Why were they justifying his actions? Yes, he was in school when he did it but bullies never consider how the victims feel. It lead to the girl developing an eating disorder because he kept calling her fat. 

I had to check the comment section underneath and of course, there was a hoard of people expressing their disgust at what that one member said. It was mainly by the people who have been bullied before and it was really insightful in what they had to say. Bullying can affect people in so many ways and it depends on how they handle it. 

I thought JK News would be more open minded than this since they probably got bullied too when they were younger and yet, they're making bullying seem like a side issue and making the girl seem like she was in the wrong. They were even laughing about it. I don't understand. They said that she shouldn't hold a grudge for that long and plan that "revenge" and "to get over it". The part I agree on is the revenge and grudge bit, but I wouldn't call it revenge. That boy, between the ages of 13-16, made her feel like utter shit. He would've been old enough to know what he was doing by 16. 

That note she wrote to him was a way of validating herself. Her self worth was probably quite low and now that he wanted to date her, she is now worthy of his "kinder" side. It was all about looks for him. What a shitbag. Kids can be absolutely horrible if another child is "fat" or "ugly" but what children don't know is that looks fade and some take longer to become a beauty and it seems like she has blossomed into a swan. Also, I don't think she planned to set revenge on this guy for 10 years, it seems like seeing him brought up bad memories and she just wanted closure and an apology. 

However, children that young don't understand what they're doing. They don't think about the consequences. It was also possible that he was in a group of friends when he did bully her, so he would have that pack mentality. Still, the parents should teach them not to bully too. I do agree that people can change over the years and become a better person, but it doesn't stop the victim from feeling bitter from what they had experienced. 

"To get over it", like I said, many would handle it in a different way, but getting over it isn't simple. Many suffer from psychological trauma from it, causing a lot of issues later on in life. 

This story hit me because a similar experience happened to me. It felt quite real. I was racially bullied when I was primary school, along with being called ugly many times. Of course, I felt pretty low and thought there was something wrong with me. I still remember the people who did it today. Seriously, no matter how old you are, you will always remember the people who made part of your life shit. So if i was in that girl's shoes, I would have turned him down flat. Too much effort on planning to stand him up. 

However, I actually applaud the girl for standing up to him. He does not deserve her time. 

Here is the video. It is the first story.

Dear Ex-Best Friend...

I will have to try and get my memory working because I cannot remember who my best friends were back then. It's been a long time since having a best friend and a lot of people have left my life so remembering is difficult, but here are some of the reasons that may have happened.

1) We drifted apart
So common when one of us either go to a different college, university, a new circle of friends or we can't be bothered anymore. With me going to university and you guys behind and getting a full-time job, it was inevitable.

2) You are a bitch
There is a reason why I cut you out of my life. I don't need this crap in my life. All negativity and it's very much high school mentality. I'm not getting any younger and I don't want to be dealing with it. 

3) I was a bitch
I'm no saint either. I will happily admit that. Reasons for being a bitch? I guess I was young and naive, and if everybody around you is having a bitch-fest, you'll be persuaded to join in. But I've learnt my lesson since school. If anything now, for the people who know me really well, I'm a funny bitch. BETCH. 

4) The boyfriend or girlfriend
It was probably your first time having a serious partner, and so you spent all of your time with them. I don't blame you. I was in that situation before too. It's a new experience and you'd want to soak it up as much as possible, but that means leaving your friends behind too. I guess this can be part of 'drifting apart'. It's also not great being the third wheel either. 

5) More than friends
Having feelings for your best friend is a tricky one. I think there has been plenty of times where I have had feelings for my male best friend but he didn't feel the same, or he liked me but I didn't. And then of course, you have to distance yourself for things not to get weird, but things do get weird because you're not talking. AAAH! Complicated.

6) You had a new best friend
That moment of feeling abandoned for another friend is a pretty shit feeling. Everyone who had a best friend has experienced the "Who is this bitch taking my bestest friend in the whole world away from me?" But then you realise your best friend doesn't see you as her most closest anymore and it's a really sad moment in time. You get left out and you don't know what to do, but you move on with new friends. I felt down when that happened, only because of all those years spent together was thrown away. 

7) We let each other down
When something has happened or we're at a different stage in life, we weren't there for each other. A sad confession I'd like to make is that when I don't want to be your friend anymore, I don't actually fully tell you - I ignore you or say politey why we shouldn't be friends until you get the point. It is the shittiest way to do it, which is why naturally drifting apart makes things easier. I don't like confrontations and I think ending a friendship can be as hard as ending a romantic relationship. 

However, if it is about someone who has turned nasty, I feel they don't deserve my explanation. They should know within themselves why the friendship has ended, unless they think they're a saint. Then they're delusional. 

I think my list can go on and on. And you know the saying "Boyfriends Come And Go But Friends Are Forever"? Not true. One can easily go as much as the other. 

You know what is definitely forever? Family. 

Vlogging Time

So I have just started video blogging which is a scary step because I don't feel I belong in front of the camera but I thought I'd give it a try. It's going okay at the moment. Editing is really fun, but it means I have been ignoring this blog for a while now so hopefully I can balance the two. 

I've recently uploaded Heads Up, Do I Want A Baby Now, Heads Up Bloopers, No Mirror Make Up Challenge and Making Friends (this one hasn't gone up yet) so a few already. I have barely any subscribers so starting out very fresh. 

Heads Up and Heads Up Bloopers
Me and Peter just recorded ourselves playing Ellen Degeneres' game and it's quite an enjoyable game. Obviously you need to know your topics well but it's funnier when you don't. 

Do I Want A Baby Now?
For this one, I basically explained why I don't want a baby at the moment, with examples such as my mother having me young and don't want to repeat history, I love my food and sleep too much to have a child and so on, so nothing controversial really from a view of a 21-year-old. I was worried that some of my pregnant friends (if they ever watched it) were going to take offence but I haven't had any hate so far.... I don't know whether that's a good or a bad thing. 

Anyway, if they did watch it, it was nothing to do with them to be honest, no one in particular. THERE'S SO MANY MOTHERS IN SOUTHAMPTON! I am merely observing my surroundings in my everyday life and saying why I don't want a baby. Simples. 

No Mirror Make Up Challenge
This is where I turn into a clown. I've seen beauty bloggers try this and it looked really fun. So I have no mirror in front of me and I need to try and put make up on. It was really hard. I didn't know where my eyes where. Something similar to this like 'Boyfriend Does My Make Up' will come up in the future.

Making Friends
I haven't uploaded this one up yet, mainly because I don't know how I feel about it still. Of course I have friends in my life but no one really that I'm close to or someone I can have for life, that's what I'm trying to say. It's sort of a sad one, but it's the truth I guess.  

More to come!

Dear Crush...

Would be awkward wouldn't it if this wasn't dedicated to my beau.

So darling, this one is for you.

When I first met you, I had only just broken up with my previous boyfriend the night before so falling for you was very unexpected.

I started fancying you because, well, you were my type. Looks wise. I remember when I first started seeing you, a girl I knew said to me, "Couldn't you have gone for someone more attractive?" I was shocked by that comment because in my eyes, you were and are a good looking man to me. You have the "geeky" look that I go for and you are a lovely human being, so that silly bitch is missing out.

Some girls go for rugged, muscley or a Hollister model but for me, it has always been nerds. They're smart and awkwardly cute, and that's a couple of things I love about you, but I know you hate me saying that you look like a geek. Don't know why, you should class it as good thing, if you didn't look like that, I wouldn't be here today in your arms.

Getting-to-know-you wise, I realised you were something special. I felt a strong connection with you and even though it's been two years, I still feel it now. You are a lovely person, I don't know how I ended up with someone so wonderful because I get so grumpy and snappy at you, but you are ever so patient with me. You laugh off my grumpiness, cwtch me until I'm better and you call me beautiful every single day. I've never felt so loved.

But you can be annoying. SO ANNOYING! But I really love you. Like a lot, so I guess I can put up with it.

To be honest, I don't know how to express how much you mean to me. This letter would not cover everything, but I can say that you are my best friend and my lover all in one package, even though I said in the last letter I didn't have any best friends, this is different. However, one thing I don't like is that you know me too well - only because I don't even know myself sometimes! But I feel we have the same sort of values and way of thinking, which is why I can kind of read you.

Yet again, this can't justify how you have affected me. YOU MAKE MEH SO HAPPEEEEE!

All the love from, Baby Bear x

Dear Best Friend...

This is going to be a sad confession, but I don't think I have a best friend. I have a couple of close friends, but best? I don't know. It's been such a long time since I've had one and since friendships come and go, I don't know what qualifies one.

Of course in school I had plenty of best friends which is a normal part of growing. Anyone you got on with was classified as your best friend but during those 5 years, you start to figure out who your friends are. And even after that? Well, I actually still don't know who my friends are. Going to college and university definitely helped narrowed it down but I feel for the better.

So, to the close friends that I do have, thank you for staying in my life.

I don't feel I have many friends today but I don't think it's also healthy to have about 20 people some class as their "best friend", so I'm glad I'm not in that kind of situation.

Sorry this is a short letter, but I don't have much to say about the topic. To be honest, I'm not fussed about having a best friend, I'm happy with family and just friends for now.

Love Isobel.

P.S Peter, you don't count. Nor do you mum.

Dear Ex No.2...

In the last letter I wrote, I did it for my first boyfriend. You were my second boyfriend, but not my second love. 

I don't know how I'm going to feel about writing this one. I feel as though you might have been the rebound. I still loved my first love for at least four months on after him and I broke up, and then you came along and made me feel warm again inside. I was so heartbroken and I needed mending. It was wrong to use you to heal my heart, but at the same time, it worked. However, time being with myself would have worked better.

I tried so hard to fall in love with you but in the end, my heart had always belonged to someone else. You were a good boyfriend - loving, caring and always sweet to my family but you had your own baggage too. You had issues that I couldn't handle as your girlfriend and it made me realise that I wasn't ready to be in another relationship.

Your autism didn't bother me though. Let's get that straight. I treated you like anybody else and you didn't even act like you had the condition. What bothered me was your insecurity and jealousy. It pushed me away. 

Keeping you as just a friend would have been the best option. For both of us. To be honest, we were in it for the sex.

There was also speculation saying I cheated on you with my current partner now. I didn't. We broke up and I met the new one the next day. I don't condone cheating.

You became difficult after we broke up, even though we said we would stay friends, but I should've known that it wasn't going to work. I left some of my belongings at your house before university because you got upset that I was going to take it away, with the prospect of us potentially breaking up so, I left it there. Big mistake. You wouldn't give it back. I asked for it back politely and arranged for my mother to pick it up for me since I was in Southampton and wouldn't be home for three months, but you didn't want my mother near your house at all. You said that I either sent money for packaging or came to collect it myself and then, it's the thing afterwards you said which made my shiver "but we both know which one you're going to choose". I was shocked and it struck a bit of fear in me because you were becoming quite scary.

 

After that, had no choice but to contact your father. Your father is a good man and one of the loveliest people I have met. Luckily, he convinced you to hand over my bag but that meant coming to my house. 

I remember phoning my mother up afterwards to see if you handed over my things and what happened. She said when the doorbell rang, she opened the door to you and felt frightened as soon as she saw you. Your body language was stiff and rigid. Your eyes bloodshot and aimed at my mother. She said it looked like you were going to kill her. I remember her saying that she stood right in the doorway to block you, in case you tried to come in. I didn't mean to put my mother in that position where she was scared. It should've been me dealing with you but she wanted to protect me. 



To be honest looking back, it wasn't all smooth sailing trying to part from you. You wanted to mutually break up at New Years which was your version of "a new start"  but none of it made sense. If I wanted to be happy then, why wait another 3 months? And why at New Years? Breaking up when I said and did would still be classed as a fresh start and you knew Christmas/New Years was a sensitive time then due to the previous boyfriend breaking up with me around that time. 

So do you know what I figured out? It was because it wasn't on your own terms. The last time you were in a relationship, you broke up with the poor girl and had me lined up as back up - and then we dated. I noticed since you didn't have a back up already in case we broke up, you wanted to wait until New Years which would give you three months to find a new girl. As much as you said you loved me, you couldn't stand the idea of being alone. Yes I went into another relationship straight away but that's because I did it for love. You would've done it purely because you were scared. Nothing was going the way you planned and you thought you could control that aspect in your life. Emotionally, you were unstable. You needed to love yourself before you started loving someone else because those fears and insecurities would pile on the other person and the strength to hold you up any longer would break. 



And that's what kinda happened. We broke. Our relationship broke, and so did our friendship. 



You said I was cold but I saw myself as emotionally okay and independent. I promised myself that I would never revolve my world around a boyfriend again because I lost my focus last time and my main priority was and still is education, but it seems that it never happened with you because I guess I never fell in love. I just loved you a dear amount. 



After everything that happened, I am sorry I caused you a lot of pain for dating so soon. I remember that was one of your biggest fears, that one day someone would make no effort to woo me and I would just be head over heels like that, whereas you had to make the effort to get into my heart. I tried not to fall for someone so quickly because of the pain I knew it would cause you, but the thing is, I fell in love. I couldn't stop how I felt and I realised that you have to be with people for the right reasons. 

Of course I still cared about you after our relationship ended because I first gained you as a friend but it was never going to be the same afterwards. We both should've handled the situation better but we're exs by the end of the day. 

I hope you achieve what you want in life and wish you all the best. Take care.

Love Isobel.

Dear Ex No.1...

I don’t know where to begin. I guess at ‘Hi'. This will be one of the most difficult letters to write. Probably because you are my first love and will always have a spot in my heart.

I don’t know what happened with us. I don’t see our past relationship as a failed one. We were very young and fell in love. It was my first time falling in love and it was quite an adventure. Our two and a half years together was very special. Of course like any couple, we had our ups and downs but I don’t regret our time with each other. 

When I first saw you, I thought you were lovely and tall. And then we started talking to each other and meeting up and I thought your blue eyes were the most beautiful things I had ever seen. The only reason we ever got together was because our friend and I’m very grateful she helped us along the way. 

You made me laugh, feel butterflies, happiness and just pure love. I knew it was serious when we took our relationship to the next level. I don't feel regret.

You made me overcome my fear of dogs when I had to confront your 3 big dogs at your house. I was crapping myself. They were jumping and being excited and my fear was getting jumped on again. But they were lovely. Kinda. Still crapping myself after meeting them. 

Meeting your parents was scary too. First time meeting the boyfriend’s parents but they were very welcoming and lovely. Like you. You were always lovely to me, especially your hand drawn cards you created for my birthdays, Valentine’s and anniversaries. 

But something felt different nearer to the end of our relationship.

I don’t know what it was but it didn’t feel the same. You weren’t the man I fell in love anymore. You were drifting away from me. But I still held on. When it came to breaking up, I realised afterwards that you were the one who broke it off with me. At first, I thought it was mutual, but the realisation hit hard. I experienced my first ever heartbreak. It sucked. And then you got a girlfriend afterwards, the sucking got worse. 

The attempt to move on was difficult. Our relationship came to a halt. You were moving on before I could even grasp that we had even broken up. But by then, you could do what you wanted, you weren’t mine anymore.

It’s been nearly 4 years since we ended. Time’s flown. We’re probably quite different people now compared to our 15-year-old selves. Seeing you recently has made me miss the friendship and the good times that we had. But I also remember the bad, which stops me from thinking any further. 

There were so many things I wished for during and after our relationship and what could've been different, but that's all in the past now. I guess we were never meant to be and I've accepted that. 

You were a good boyfriend and I'm glad you were mine once. I wish you the best of luck in the future. Take care.

All the love from, Isobel x

Dear Self...

I don’t know how to start this. You’ve gone through so much already. 

School. College. Love. And now university. Even though you haven’t travelled as much as you have liked or gotten the needed experience already for work, you’ve done a lot more than you think. 

Growing up was a test. You had to deal with racism, as well as people saying you were ugly. But you weren’t ugly on the inside. Remember that. Looks can only go so far. You were just shy and needed coming out of your shell and eventually, the outside matched the inside. If you are patient, time will be good to you. 

You can do anything you want. You have a loving family supporting you, even when they are being critical or telling you to “get over it", they are only doing this so you can better yourself and be tougher. To prove that you can be better. Growing up in an asian family is hard, especially when the expectations of you is either to be a lawyer or a doctor. But that’s because they don’t want you to become poor. Or be working in a takeaway forever. But you didn’t take this route, you took the route to be a writer. To be a good journalist one day. Your skill is in writing. Not science. Not maths. And definitely not law. I think they know that.

Outside of academia, you’ve gone through periods, boys and tantrums. And you have your family to thank for helping you calm down during those episodes, especially your mum and dad. They are your voice of wisdom and common sense when you can’t handle things or being unreasonable. When you went through your first period, your mum was there. When you went through your first heartbreak, your whole family was there for you. Feeding chocolate and giving you a Bridget Jones film to watch. And when you got accepted into university, everybody was there for you. Friends and family. You’ve got so much support without realising. 

I know you’ve lost many friends over the years due to drifting apart or your decision to cut negative people out of your life, so only a few still exist.

So for the ones that are still around, don’t take their company for granted. Call them up to meet, say hello, converse, eat with them! And if that doesn’t work out with old friends, you can always meet new friends. Not the end of the world if you’re "Billy No Mates".

You’re still so young. Only 21. So don’t panic when something doesn’t go right. You’ve got time. But don’t take your time either, otherwise nothing will be done. Always strive for success. And make your family proud. They didn’t work their whole lives for no reason. They’ve done it for their children’s future. To make sure we are safe. 

I know you will always be worrying about you and your surroundings but being worried is okay. You’re not married or a mother so you’ve got nothing to worry about apart from yourself. You are not ready for that responsibility yet, but the time will come. During the mean time, take care of yourself; see the world; get an amazing job. Fulfil your needs so you can be satisfied within yourself. Don’t let the fear get to you. Everything will fall into place. 

Stop doubting yourself. Life is a learning curve. 

Love Me x

Things That Happen On Trains.

I travel on trains frequently and when a situation occurs, my mind goes into overload and think things that you wouldn't say in public. Funny things, obviously.

WARNING: May contain swearing, judging, hunger, impatience, lots of exclamation marks and capitalisation.

Enjoy.

#1 WHEN YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND THE MAN OVER THE TANNOY
Man: Welcome aboard the South West train service to London Waterloo. There has been a slight delay due to a gidnfbhjvdnsasdkjfnadjfbnvajsdfbnvjdafnb.

Mind: Eh? What did he say? WHAT'S DA DELAY?

Man: ...Thank you for your patience.

Mind: OI GET BACK HERE! I DIDN'T HEAR WHAT YOU SAID!

Mind: GURL, this better not make me miss breakfast hour at McDonalds. 

#2 WHEN A SMELLY PERSON SITS NEXT TO YOU
Man: Can I sit here please?

Mind: NOPE.

Mouth: Of course.

Mind: Dammit, why are we British too polite?!

Mind: Oh god, he stinks.

Mind: Is my perfume on me? (Rummages through bag, item not found)... NOOOOO!

Mind: Oh my god, am I gonna die? Is this how I die? Suffocation of bad odour?

Mind: The windows aren't open. I'm gonna kill somebody.

Mind: Hold. Your. Breath.

Mind: Why don't they provide oxygen masks on trains like they do on planes? THIS IS AN EMERGENCY SITUATION!

Mind: Is he moving?

Mind: OMG it's his stop!

Mind: But he's left his smell behind.

Mind: NOOOOOO!

#3 WHEN SOMEONE SITS NEXT TO YOU AND FALLS ASLEEP TRAPPING YOU IN
Mind: Aww aren't they cute sleeping?

Mind: Wait, they're sleeping?

Mind: No, no, no don't fall asleep!

Mind: Are they asleep?

Mind: Knew I should've sat on the outside.

Mind: Shall I tap them? Is it rude to wake them up?

Mind: OMGMYSTOPISNEXTOMGMYSTOPISNEXTOMGMYSTOPISNEXT

Mind: Well, that's final then. I'm off to Scotland. 

#4 CARRYING LOTS OF BAGS AFTER SHOPPING AND TRYING TO FIND A SEAT
Mind: Wow, it's busy today.

Mind: Oh god there's so many people.

Mind: Right, easy does it Isobel.

Victim #1: Ow!

Mouth: SORRY!

Mind: Oh god I just hit an old granny! I hope that didn't hurt too much.

(LIFTS BAGS HIGHER)

Victim #2: Oh Jesus! (Moves out of the way)

Mind: Eeek eek sorry, sorry, sorry! Why did I decide to go shopping today?!

(A FOOD TROLLEY COMES ALONG)

Mind: What the fuck, well bitch I ain't moving.

(A FEW SECONDS LATER)

Mind: Ok, I'll move. 

#5 NO SEATS/ROOM ON TRAIN SO RESORTED TO STANDING OUTSIDE THE TOILET
Mind: Jeez, I hope no one needs the toilet, they can hold it in right?

Mind: Nope, someone's going in, someone must hate me right now.

(STANDS OUT OF THE WAY, PERSON GOES IN)

(10 MINUTES PASS)

Mind: They've been in there for a while. They better not be doing a shit.

(HEARS THE TOILET FLUSH)

Mind: Oh god hold your breath.

(PERSON COMES OUT LOOKING EMBARRASSED AND WADDLES AWAY)

Mind: They didn't close the door!

Mind: Oh god, I held my breath too early I NEED TO BREATHE

(I LET GO AND STARTING BREATHING)

Mind: OH MY FUCKING GOD IT STINKS! And I can't move on this sardine train!

(SHUTS THE TOILET DOOR, A FEW SECONDS LATER ANOTHER PERSON WALKS IN)

Mind: Yup, someone is really hating on me right now.

#6 WHEN PASSENGERS STARE AT YOU
Mind: Eh? Is that person looking at me?

Mind: Oh dear lord they're looking.

Mind: Do I have something on my face? (Looks at phone quickly) Nope nothing.

Mind: Maybe it's something next to me? (Looks out the window) Nope, just trees.

Mind: Oh dear they're still looking.

Mind: So rude to stare...they can't be British

Mind: Do I stare back? Is this some sort of war going on that I'm not aware of?

Mind: This is a serious case of being a weirdo.

Mind: Fuck it, let's glare back. 

Mind: Nope, they haven't budged.

Mind: Maaaaaan, I must be fine looking today (Looks at phone again) Nope that's not it.

Mind: Ok they're still staring. Right that's it. I'm going to say something.

(TRAIN STOPS AND PERSON GETS OFF AT DESTINATION)

Mind: Ok, maybe not.

#7 OVERHEARING A GIRL FLIRTING WITH A BOY
Mind: Mate, this is cringey. 

Mind: What is she wearing?

Mind: She's only 16? Don't think she should be wearing a skirt that short.

Mind: Bloke seems alright, reciprocating back to her.

Mind: Oh my god, was that her laugh? Was that her flirty laugh?

Mind: Oh my god, was I like this at 16?

Mind: Jeez, I hope not.

Mind: Oh hang on wait...yeah I think I was.

Mind: Wow, that's embarrassing looking back.

Mind: You what mate? You're into weird shit? Should you be telling a guy this? Should I be listening to this anymore?

Mind: Fuck it, I've got another 10 minutes on this train.

#8 DISLIKE OF USING TRAIN TOILETS
Mind: Oh dear, I really need the toilet...

Mind: Dammit body, why do you want to do a number two at this very moment?! WHY NOT AT HOME?

Mind: Breathe, breathe. It's alright, only an hour on the train.

Mind: But can I really hold it in that long?

Mind: This. Is. Uncomfortable.

Mind: Shall I go to the toilets on the train?

Mind: Hmm, I could go...

Mind: Oh god, what if the train leaves without me?

Mind: Nope. Not going.

#9 WHEN OVERHEARING A TEENS CONVERSATION
Mind: Oh? What are they talking about? 

Mind: Fifty Shades? Whipping? Canes?

Mind: Oh bless, they think they know what they're talking about.

Mind: Jeez, why are they so loud? I'm sure the old lady near them doesn't want to hear about butt plugs.

Mind: Or does she? HAHAHAHA.

Mind: Blimey, why are there so many of them? 

Mind: Why is that girl trying to sound older by talking about sex out loud?

Mind: She's annoying.

Mind: Stop talking, please. You've probably never touched a willy in your life. 

Mind: Oh dear god, the whole carriage is going to know about what you get up to within these 20 minutes.

Mind: Do you know what? Why don't you ask the ticket man whether you can speak over the tannoy, it wouldn't make a difference at the volume you're speaking at. 

Mind: Man, I sound grumpy. Am I on my period this week?

Mind: Nope. I'm just hungry. Get me off this train. 

#10 SEEING A COUPLE SHOWING PDA
(COUPLE SITS IN TWO SEATER NEAR ME)

Mind: Aww they seem cute.

Mind: Lalalalalalalalalalala....oh looking they're kissing.

(LOOKS OUT THE WINDOW)

Mind: Oh dear, this seems awkward.

(LOOKS BACK)

Mind: Oh wow, they're really going for it and they've only been on the train for a minute.

Mind: Wonder where they are going?

Mind: Shit man, it's like they haven't seen each other in a while.

Mind: Oh my god, why am I looking? QUICK LOOK AT PHONE!

Mind: Do they know I'm here?  

Mind: Oh my...

Mind: I hope I'm not part of some voyeurism shit.

Mind: ....Are they still kissing?

Mind: Well. Yup. That's what my eyes see. He's groping her boob. Nope. Boobs. Plural. 

Mind: Maybe he was trying to grab her face and it accidentally slipped. I DON'T KNOW IT COULD HAPPEN! I WASN'T WATCHING.

Mind: Eeeek, they're making noises. 

(LOOKS OUT THE WINDOW AGAIN)

Mind: Yup, this is what I'm gonna have to do for the rest of the journey.

Mind: Hmm, I wonder what I shall have for lunch.

(GOES THROUGH TUNNEL)

Mind: Oh god the windows have gone black. OMG I can see them in the reflection.

Mind: I CAN'T ESCAPE THEM!

Mind: When this is over, I'm going blog about this shit. 

Piglet: How Do You Spell Love? ------------------ Pooh: You Don't Spell It, You Feel It.

In a relationship? Want to spread the news on how happy you are and how fantastic your partner is? Of course you do. But when does it start bordering on annoying, in which you then begin questioning why they keep doing it?

There are many people on Facebook who gush about their boyfriend/girlfriend or post the occassional "I love you" on their partner's wall for all the world to see, depicting a very lovey-dovey couple that we would imagine. But then I wonder if it is something much deeper like a cover up because most people do that in order to maintain a illusion that their relationship is somewhere far from okay.

And what if they are okay? Well, then I start to question other platform of communication e.g. text, WhatsApp, Facebook Messenger, Skype, a phone call - Are they all broken? Do they not fit your means of standard whereby you have to post how much you love them online? Why does the whole world need to see you write three affectionate words in such a public manner?

Sure you get the exceptions - i.e. my parents - I have to let these guys off to be honest, they are my parents after all. They are one of the soppiest human beings I know - My mum puts up love quotes [one a day for all those lucky people who are friends with her, two if she's generous] dedicated to my father and he reciprocates the feelings through YouTube videos featuring love songs from their decade. It's sweet really with the given nicknames such as "Boo Boo" aka my dad, but my exposure to their fairytale doesn't stop there - they smooch, cuddle and laugh at each other and I can see, that they are happy online and also behind the scenes.

But what about the couples who aren't happy as they seem online? I know a few couples who argue all the time and not at all that happy within their relationship due to the mounting of issues and yet, they still post about how happy they are. Is it denial that's happening? With that many people apparently knowing how content you are, is it just maintaining that facade, in case of letting them down? We will never know. 

People who brag about how amazing their partner is on a daily/weekly basis do get noticed, but only when it stops. There's nothing more strange than a couple, who were soppy as hell a week ago, have now disappeared from your newsfeed. Of course we get worried because we haven't heard from them in what seems like years and so, the next step after getting all hot and bothered is to check out their profile, and a majority of the time, lo' and behold, they've broken up. Ah! An answer!
Right, this is why you don't publicly declare your love all the time, people won't take notice when you're typing away saying "I love you so much, you're my world, you're my everything" when in fact your partner is actually in earshot of you saying it, instead the user's attention would be focused on your lack of presence online.

This reminds me of when Peter and I went on holiday to Gran Canaria last year and there was this young couple who arrived the same time as us and we saw them by the pool and at dinner everyday, and the one thing that they always did was kiss. Never separated. They were act it like teens - and there were bloody children around as well. It was just fascinating watching them kiss non-stop, and then, we saw them one evening and they weren't kissing! Me and Peter were so baffled, we wondered whether they were feeling ill. We noticed that when they weren't kissing, they looked miserable. They didn't look too happy eating food either. And if they're not happy eating food with their loved one beside them, then they are not truly happy. Food and sex makes everybody happy. Yah?

Anyway, it can get annoying. The thing is, people don't need to see how amazing your boyfriend/girlfriend is by spamming it online daily - that's not #1 priority. My boyfriend and I don't send each other things like that online, it's more of a private matter when sending our love - i.e. phone calls/messenger. Unless it's our anniversary so I'll put something up once a year. Which is coming up, so beware. 

Another thing is what about your single friends on Facebook? How do they feel? Consider those who don't have a partner. Sure it might be their choice that they want to eat Ben & Jerry's alone but then again, what if they are trying to find love but failing? It can be hard for some. 

*Sigh* What I'm trying to say is, don't spread your love to prove something - people will see through it. And try not to make statements that you're going to be "2Getha 4Eva" - you're not teenagers anymore. Perhaps I'm too cynical - I do adore a love story but there's a point where we are all going to overdose from it on Facebook.  

Also, I found this though. Credit to Sarcasm_Only on Instagram. 

Therefore, if you break up - people would not suspect a thang! 

Happy August everyone!

Is Facebook Our New Best Friend?

We treat Facebook as the only source of communication and a form of escapism. It's our little sidekick tucked into the comforts of our pocket or our handbag - well, until we whip it out because apparently we have something the whole world needs to hear. Facebook asks their users on the status tab 'What's on your mind?' but is this sort of encouragement ever a good idea? 

The Problems
Users will treat this as one way of being social, but are we really being that social in a way that we would rather talk to our friends through a messenger, than to their face? Has Facebook somehow made us anti-social at the same time? I think so. 

The "social" networking site relies on people saying what's on their mind, sharing their business and one of the results is 'likes'. The importance of how many 'likes' you get is pretty high. One easy click is enough to make the user think that whatever they say, confirms their importance in your life (perhaps) - therefore whatever they say is gold. The more likes you get, the more popular you seem. 

However, users checking every 15 minutes to see how many 'likes' they have can take over one's life. But it's not just the 'likes' that keeps their attention away from reality - it's also their nosiness and Facebook "stalking". If their face wasn't always so glued to their phone, their attention would be on someone else (e.g. girlfriend, boyfriend, mother, father, teacher, daughter, son, dog) and that's how it should be, but instead they feel ignored and lost. No point trying to talk to them thinking they are listening because 10 minutes later when their face is no longer a glowing blue, you get the delayed 'Huh?'.

Another issue is the sharing. I know it's there for friends and family to give an insight into your life if you don't see each other very often, but what about the people you never speak to or see at all? All they're doing now is being nosey buggers. Why are they on your friends list in the first place? But if people do see their friends or family, what are they going to talk about? Nothing. The conversation would usually start off as "Oh, saw that status of yours on Facebook" or "Nice holiday photos". 

You see, when this site wasn't available to us, people would meet up with their friends that they hadn't seen in a while and produce actual photographs of whatever they've been up to, for instance, a holiday. They would spend hours going through the photos in the flesh and the meeting would be an actual catch up. But now, everything is online. Everyone can see. No need to ask. They're like the acquaintance who knows everything. Even what time you take a shit. 

Deleting/unfollowing people has been quite liberating and I've done it for these reasons:
1) I don't talk to them.
2) They don't talk to me.
3) Random people.
4) Reunion - If I ever had one in 10 years time, can you imagine how silent the room would be because everyone knows everything about you? 
5) They talk absolute rubbish.

Point #5 is a big one. People moan a lot on Facebook. They treat it as their diary. What they say is really pointless too (e.g. "I hate Mondays" - Why? 'Cos everyone else does?) and it's unnecessary information cluttering my newsfeed. I sound like a grumpy moo and I don't mind status', that's the point of Facebook. But some reveal too much, repeat themselves or go on and on about some shit. I did some research and here are some of the most commonly seen status':

• Selfies
• I'm always ill
• I'm always depressed
• Copying cheesy quotes
• The 'Like for Hot or Not'
• I'm always drunk snaps
• Holiday photos - These aren't bad
• Cars
• 'I Hate Mondays'
• Soppy relationship posts about/to another
• I'm always skint
• Baby photos, followed by an engagement
• Food photos - Some look ok, some make me drool bad
• God
• "Granddad, you've been gone for 8 years, 2 months, 5 days and 3 hours. We miss you." - I may be steering towards insensitive here but this isn't Facebook material. Should be mourned in private
• Just pure moaning. Imagine if Moaning Myrtle had Facebook. She'd have no friends.

I'm not totally innocent though, I do the odd food photo or selfie but that's like once in a blue moon - I think, I could be lying. But the others? Who needs this crap? Some crap is good though, the baby photos are adorable and I love seeing where people have travelled around the world, but the rest is kinda blah. People use Facebook as a ground to stand on to see what we have in common with these people. And most of the time, it's just funny memes that connect people to one another which is really cool. Other times, it's just people not happy with their lives and it seems like friends don't have the heart to delete them on Facebook because they want to hear the gossip - the "What's up hun? Message me" crap goes on automatic. You what mate? If you were that close in the first place, he or she would've been the first people you would've contacted, instead of resorting to a site full of strangers. They don't need to know, will your news affect them? Probably not, unless it's close family but then you would keep the issue private. These people should get paid for the amount of status' they put up or how much they reveal daily.

The Benefits
However, Facebook is not all doom and gloom, it has its positives too. The sharing part is also great if you don't see family/friends who are either abroad or immobile (e.g flu or old), especially the elderly who probably find getting to places and seeing people a struggle.

It's a good platform to start up friendships that you thought would never happen, for instance, classmates you never spoke to at school is now classed as your best friend, 20 years on.

It's also good for exposing your work that needs that little 'oomph' in the world. Many use Facebook to create an image for themselves through promotional pages or sharing links to an external site, for example, a blog. We need to start somewhere and the internet is an easy platform to begin with. I do need the internet and Facebook for the field of work that I want to go into but I don't want to be glued like when I was younger. I had my teenage years of experiencing technology - I will admit, MSN and Bebo were my life, I was obsessed and looking back, I realise I was very engrossed in my phone and didn't make any conversations with my family. That realisation scared me because I have wasted so many years just being attached to my phone and being the internet.

Overall?
Facebook should be about sharing your good news, funny shit and joy, but then again, who's going to feed off that? Society likes to get their energy and kick off the depressed and unsuccessful. Sad eh? It needs to change.

Sharing your achievements in your life so far can also be rewarding when people take notice - like it was worth it. But you don't need to rely on people to congratulate you - if you feel good within yourself, you don't need that seal of approval from people you don't know. You would know it within yourself. You just share the news because you feel so happy. Whether you get likes or not. It's just a middle finger up to self doubt, like confirmation.

All I just want to say, after all this mumbling, is that Facebook isn't your life. Yes, you include it into your daily routine like brushing your teeth but I think people need to be desensitised about Facebook because right now, it's treated as one big show. And we're its puppets. 

My Teenage Years Vs My Little Sisters

There is 8 years difference between me and sister. Only 8 years but you wouldn't be able to tell - she's the same height as me. She's 13 at the moment (turning 14 in August) and since she's now classed as a teen, I've realised that she won't be having the same experiences that I had gone through. Here's a few:

• MSN - This messenger was our life! The one thing that stood out was the emoticons that replaced every single word. Such an effort to read.

• Internet - Today, we have WiFi. Back then, we had this cable shit where we had to share this singular wire that would only provide internet for one computer at a time. Tough times. 

• Flip phones - Actually, forget the flip phones, I remember the BRICKS. Thick ass phones that resembled a shoe. And then flip phones came into fashion and I loved them. You drop your flip phone? Only the outside is scratched. You drop your iPhone? Everything is broke. Loooong gone. 

• MP3 and CD players - I loved my little MP3 - None of that error shit I get with my iPhone when I want to put music on. A bugger carrying portable CD players though. And carrying the actual CD too. That's why mother's bags are so big - they be carrying all those Cee-Deeees. 

• Limewire - This was the software where you would download free music illegally. I could download anything from it. Whereas now with iTunes if I wanted a song, it's harder now due to availability. Limewire made things accessible.

• 90s - This ranges from music (like Britney, Backstreet Boys, Celine Dion ballads, Aqua) to fashion (like Jelly shoes). Hairstyles count too.

• Bebo - Started in 2005, this became THE social media site to be on. Like Facebook, but quirkier. The skins were amazing. Made all of mine on Paint. So hard. 

• Racism - Witnessing my sister going to Primary and now Secondary school, I think the racism has toned down and much better than when I was at school. I loathed Primary school. I didn't like going - I had to face daily racism from stupid people - ranged from people not sitting next to me to boys mimicking karate moves in front of me. All because of my race. It was sad. I never told my mother. They made me feel ashamed that I was Chinese. I know now that I should have told my mother - I was only under 11 when these things happened. I shouldn't have fought it alone. So when my sister went to Primary, I was very wary and felt over-protective of her because of what I went through. I still am. Only last year she had a couple of boys racially abuse her and of course, we stepped in. 

• Innocence - I've heard various stories that girls this young have had intercourse, doing drugs and smoking - You what mate? At 13, I played with Tamagotchis and collected Pokemon cards. They want to grow up too fast. 

• Chalkboards - Messy as fuck. Makes you look like you've been raiding the crack cupboard when the chalk powder goes all over the place.

There's probably more that I have missed out but these are the things that stood out for me. It's just weird how times change. And my little baby is growing up so fast. Waaa. 

What I've Learnt In University So Far.

I'm nearing to the end of second year and here are some of the things you learn or pick up on the way. 

• Twitter - People use this to vent their emotions about other people or how they're feeling. Cryptic in a way that it doesn't obviously mention people's names but at the same time not cryptic enough, especially if you've annoyed them 5 minutes before and coincidentally an angry tweet pops up. I don't think there's any need for them. People on Twitter can be quite unnecessarily mean so I usually try and stay away from it. 

• University is like a school playground. When you're a kid in Secondary school, you have the usual cliques and the gangs and the same applies here. It is school second time round but this time, you know what to do or who to be friends with at university. 

• But then again, you also don't know who your friends are. Friends go into different career directions or go onto higher education, I guess it's inevitable that people will drift apart. From having friends at school and college to people you never speak to anymore. Luckily I'm still in touch with a few but I only have about a few, maybe even a couple of best friends and that's it. The rest are strangers. 

• Naps are the best thing in the world! You appreciate sleep so much. 

• It seems that the most important lessons are at 9am. Why. I don't know. Which leads on to my next point.

• You feel very guilty when you oversleep and miss a lesson. In school? Yeah, not a problem. In college? They'll probably repeat the lesson again. At university? No, no I can't afford to. Plus, they would've have probably mentioned something really important in the lesson, typically when you're still snoring your head off and you're too ashamed to ask your classmate what happened in the lesson in case they get annoyed.

• I would rather spend money on food than alcohol. Everyone raved about the amount of times they went out during 1st and even 2nd year but I love my food more than anything. 

• It's a tough balance between being social, whilst doing work, maintaining a relationship and wanting space to chill on your own. People will call you unsociable or boring for it but sometimes sacrifices have to be made to do work. 

• One thing about being in a relationship at university: If your boyfriend lives only 20 seconds away or living with you, you kinda end up feeding for him too. It's a fact. You gotta stock up on food. The baby needs feeding. 

• You cry often about work. At the beginning, I thought it was a bad thing to cry about coursework but sometimes you just gotta let it out because it builds up so much. The only people I cry to though is my boyfriend and my mum. They're my best friends. 

• I've mastered this since Primary school but you learn to enjoy yourself. People won't be there for you so you rely on yourself. Being alone isn't as bad as you think. I know some people can't stand it but I think it is a skill that needs to be learnt.

• You become more confident. You can talk to people. I go out with my hair all over the place. It's the smallest things that make a difference to you. You also decide to take on responsibility. I took a leap last year and put myself forward to be an editor of the student magazine because I joined a media society and now we have two issues out. It's a lot of hard work but I'm hoping it'll be all worth it in the end. You end up being responsible for other people and helping them progress and add to their CV is a great feeling.

• You find out people don't know the simple things in life. Like where a stamp goes on an envelope or taking the bins out. I remember someone told me that their housemate had placed his bacon in the cupboard because his mother used to cook for him all the time so he didn't know where it went. If a situation like that emerges, just gently guide them on their way. No harm in helping them. It's just a shame the parents didn't guide them well enough to know these things. 

• You get the odd stressy student who needs calming down. All they need is a cup of tea and some chocolate and tell them that everything is going to be okay. Because everything will be. All this stress will be worth it. 

• I've learnt that within friendships, it's commonly okay to tease and be horrible to your friend. It's humorous and fine. 

• You really need work experience. Waaaaaa. I'm working on it. 

• Failure isn't the end of the world. Everything is a learning curve and you just got to do better next time. Don't beat yourselves up about a low grade or a failed unit, stand strong and move forward. 

See, I look back at this and wonder what lies ahead for me in 3rd year. I'm hoping it won't be as long as this post right here. But you never know, I could fuck everything up by then.