Being A Teenager Was Hard.

When I think of a 'teenager', I think of my sister. She's the typical stereotype: stroppy, anti-social in family gatherings, selfie obsessed, "whatever" - the list can go on.

I was definitely this kind of teen.

Being a teenager - you think your life is over. FOREVER! I HATE YOU! Yeah, that era. 

You are landed with so many expectations - be popular, get good grades, look amazing, have loads of friends, have every social networking platform on game as well as your eyebrows. It's a wonder how they ever sleep at night.

Seriously though, everything needs to be spot on. 

My sister is going through the phase of being "mean" and trying to look older. Jail bait. I really hated that phase because I look back now and realise how stupid I looked.

It feels like bitchy/mean girls run the world from the ages of 12-16. After that, you realise they ain't shit. You are. They don't run your life. You do. Sure they can call you ugly or fat or whatever they think is "cool", they're nasty at the end of the day. 

With trying to look older, who are you trying to impress? When I was younger, I was trying to impress guys. My parents said that I was "mature", but no one has fun being mature. I'm the opposite now. It's hilarious seeing my sister trying to act 18 when in reality, she's only just come out of the womb. 

It also seems like as a teen that looks are E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.

If you are a teenager, then please - stay looking young as long as possible. Time flies and you'll look back realising how much time you wasted trying to be "cool" or putting menial things at the top of your list. 

Another tip I will give is listen to your parents. GOD I KNOW! SUCH A CHORE! But your parents were teens once (duh!) and they will want to give you as much wisdom as possible. They may shout at you but they do it out of love (and also because you're being a right fucking pain in the bum). 

This can be one of the greatest times of your life but can also be the worst. You'll be okay though if you have the right people around. 

Good luck!

Dear Ex-Best Friend...

I will have to try and get my memory working because I cannot remember who my best friends were back then. It's been a long time since having a best friend and a lot of people have left my life so remembering is difficult, but here are some of the reasons that may have happened.

1) We drifted apart
So common when one of us either go to a different college, university, a new circle of friends or we can't be bothered anymore. With me going to university and you guys behind and getting a full-time job, it was inevitable.

2) You are a bitch
There is a reason why I cut you out of my life. I don't need this crap in my life. All negativity and it's very much high school mentality. I'm not getting any younger and I don't want to be dealing with it. 

3) I was a bitch
I'm no saint either. I will happily admit that. Reasons for being a bitch? I guess I was young and naive, and if everybody around you is having a bitch-fest, you'll be persuaded to join in. But I've learnt my lesson since school. If anything now, for the people who know me really well, I'm a funny bitch. BETCH. 

4) The boyfriend or girlfriend
It was probably your first time having a serious partner, and so you spent all of your time with them. I don't blame you. I was in that situation before too. It's a new experience and you'd want to soak it up as much as possible, but that means leaving your friends behind too. I guess this can be part of 'drifting apart'. It's also not great being the third wheel either. 

5) More than friends
Having feelings for your best friend is a tricky one. I think there has been plenty of times where I have had feelings for my male best friend but he didn't feel the same, or he liked me but I didn't. And then of course, you have to distance yourself for things not to get weird, but things do get weird because you're not talking. AAAH! Complicated.

6) You had a new best friend
That moment of feeling abandoned for another friend is a pretty shit feeling. Everyone who had a best friend has experienced the "Who is this bitch taking my bestest friend in the whole world away from me?" But then you realise your best friend doesn't see you as her most closest anymore and it's a really sad moment in time. You get left out and you don't know what to do, but you move on with new friends. I felt down when that happened, only because of all those years spent together was thrown away. 

7) We let each other down
When something has happened or we're at a different stage in life, we weren't there for each other. A sad confession I'd like to make is that when I don't want to be your friend anymore, I don't actually fully tell you - I ignore you or say politey why we shouldn't be friends until you get the point. It is the shittiest way to do it, which is why naturally drifting apart makes things easier. I don't like confrontations and I think ending a friendship can be as hard as ending a romantic relationship. 

However, if it is about someone who has turned nasty, I feel they don't deserve my explanation. They should know within themselves why the friendship has ended, unless they think they're a saint. Then they're delusional. 

I think my list can go on and on. And you know the saying "Boyfriends Come And Go But Friends Are Forever"? Not true. One can easily go as much as the other. 

You know what is definitely forever? Family. 

Dear Self...

I don’t know how to start this. You’ve gone through so much already. 

School. College. Love. And now university. Even though you haven’t travelled as much as you have liked or gotten the needed experience already for work, you’ve done a lot more than you think. 

Growing up was a test. You had to deal with racism, as well as people saying you were ugly. But you weren’t ugly on the inside. Remember that. Looks can only go so far. You were just shy and needed coming out of your shell and eventually, the outside matched the inside. If you are patient, time will be good to you. 

You can do anything you want. You have a loving family supporting you, even when they are being critical or telling you to “get over it", they are only doing this so you can better yourself and be tougher. To prove that you can be better. Growing up in an asian family is hard, especially when the expectations of you is either to be a lawyer or a doctor. But that’s because they don’t want you to become poor. Or be working in a takeaway forever. But you didn’t take this route, you took the route to be a writer. To be a good journalist one day. Your skill is in writing. Not science. Not maths. And definitely not law. I think they know that.

Outside of academia, you’ve gone through periods, boys and tantrums. And you have your family to thank for helping you calm down during those episodes, especially your mum and dad. They are your voice of wisdom and common sense when you can’t handle things or being unreasonable. When you went through your first period, your mum was there. When you went through your first heartbreak, your whole family was there for you. Feeding chocolate and giving you a Bridget Jones film to watch. And when you got accepted into university, everybody was there for you. Friends and family. You’ve got so much support without realising. 

I know you’ve lost many friends over the years due to drifting apart or your decision to cut negative people out of your life, so only a few still exist.

So for the ones that are still around, don’t take their company for granted. Call them up to meet, say hello, converse, eat with them! And if that doesn’t work out with old friends, you can always meet new friends. Not the end of the world if you’re "Billy No Mates".

You’re still so young. Only 21. So don’t panic when something doesn’t go right. You’ve got time. But don’t take your time either, otherwise nothing will be done. Always strive for success. And make your family proud. They didn’t work their whole lives for no reason. They’ve done it for their children’s future. To make sure we are safe. 

I know you will always be worrying about you and your surroundings but being worried is okay. You’re not married or a mother so you’ve got nothing to worry about apart from yourself. You are not ready for that responsibility yet, but the time will come. During the mean time, take care of yourself; see the world; get an amazing job. Fulfil your needs so you can be satisfied within yourself. Don’t let the fear get to you. Everything will fall into place. 

Stop doubting yourself. Life is a learning curve. 

Love Me x

What I've Learnt In University So Far.

I'm nearing to the end of second year and here are some of the things you learn or pick up on the way. 

• Twitter - People use this to vent their emotions about other people or how they're feeling. Cryptic in a way that it doesn't obviously mention people's names but at the same time not cryptic enough, especially if you've annoyed them 5 minutes before and coincidentally an angry tweet pops up. I don't think there's any need for them. People on Twitter can be quite unnecessarily mean so I usually try and stay away from it. 

• University is like a school playground. When you're a kid in Secondary school, you have the usual cliques and the gangs and the same applies here. It is school second time round but this time, you know what to do or who to be friends with at university. 

• But then again, you also don't know who your friends are. Friends go into different career directions or go onto higher education, I guess it's inevitable that people will drift apart. From having friends at school and college to people you never speak to anymore. Luckily I'm still in touch with a few but I only have about a few, maybe even a couple of best friends and that's it. The rest are strangers. 

• Naps are the best thing in the world! You appreciate sleep so much. 

• It seems that the most important lessons are at 9am. Why. I don't know. Which leads on to my next point.

• You feel very guilty when you oversleep and miss a lesson. In school? Yeah, not a problem. In college? They'll probably repeat the lesson again. At university? No, no I can't afford to. Plus, they would've have probably mentioned something really important in the lesson, typically when you're still snoring your head off and you're too ashamed to ask your classmate what happened in the lesson in case they get annoyed.

• I would rather spend money on food than alcohol. Everyone raved about the amount of times they went out during 1st and even 2nd year but I love my food more than anything. 

• It's a tough balance between being social, whilst doing work, maintaining a relationship and wanting space to chill on your own. People will call you unsociable or boring for it but sometimes sacrifices have to be made to do work. 

• One thing about being in a relationship at university: If your boyfriend lives only 20 seconds away or living with you, you kinda end up feeding for him too. It's a fact. You gotta stock up on food. The baby needs feeding. 

• You cry often about work. At the beginning, I thought it was a bad thing to cry about coursework but sometimes you just gotta let it out because it builds up so much. The only people I cry to though is my boyfriend and my mum. They're my best friends. 

• I've mastered this since Primary school but you learn to enjoy yourself. People won't be there for you so you rely on yourself. Being alone isn't as bad as you think. I know some people can't stand it but I think it is a skill that needs to be learnt.

• You become more confident. You can talk to people. I go out with my hair all over the place. It's the smallest things that make a difference to you. You also decide to take on responsibility. I took a leap last year and put myself forward to be an editor of the student magazine because I joined a media society and now we have two issues out. It's a lot of hard work but I'm hoping it'll be all worth it in the end. You end up being responsible for other people and helping them progress and add to their CV is a great feeling.

• You find out people don't know the simple things in life. Like where a stamp goes on an envelope or taking the bins out. I remember someone told me that their housemate had placed his bacon in the cupboard because his mother used to cook for him all the time so he didn't know where it went. If a situation like that emerges, just gently guide them on their way. No harm in helping them. It's just a shame the parents didn't guide them well enough to know these things. 

• You get the odd stressy student who needs calming down. All they need is a cup of tea and some chocolate and tell them that everything is going to be okay. Because everything will be. All this stress will be worth it. 

• I've learnt that within friendships, it's commonly okay to tease and be horrible to your friend. It's humorous and fine. 

• You really need work experience. Waaaaaa. I'm working on it. 

• Failure isn't the end of the world. Everything is a learning curve and you just got to do better next time. Don't beat yourselves up about a low grade or a failed unit, stand strong and move forward. 

See, I look back at this and wonder what lies ahead for me in 3rd year. I'm hoping it won't be as long as this post right here. But you never know, I could fuck everything up by then.