Growing Up In An Asian Family.

Growing up with Asians is quite something. It's a love/hate thing going on. They're family after all but if you want to survive, here are some heads up.

If you're not Asian, this will be an insight.

• Make sure you don't go deaf. Asians may be small, but never underestimate the size of their lungs.

• When you think they're shouting, they're actually speaking on normal volume.

• You will definitely get the "doctor/lawyer" talk. 

• Obey your mother. You do not want to release the angry Asian mother.

• If you don't, you will get disciplined aka The Slipper

• Family will slag you off. 

• Family will insult you in front of your face. Good thing is, it makes you build a thicker skin. Why you so fat? Why you so skinny? Why you so stupid? Why you so ugly?

• Don't have a pencil sharpener? Grandma will use a knife cut away at the ends.

• You will eat rice with EVERYTHING.

• Your family will arrange for you to meet a "potential" partner.

• If you don't have kids or aren't married, you still receive red packets (money).

• Beware when explaining to your family that you want to date someone out of your race e.g. white/black

• You will never get a birthday party until you graduate university. 

• Everyone will get the bowl cut experience.

• Forced to listen to Chinese opera music.

• Forced to watch Cantonese TV drama.

• Forced to watch every cooking show. 

• But you'll love their game shows.

• Made to work in your parent's takeaway as soon as you pop out of the womb.

• You will know every single dish off the takeaway menu in Chinese.

• Learn to use the chopsticks, otherwise you dishonour your cow.

• If you're a girl, you're not a allowed a boyfriend until you get into university.

• Don't want to the typical Asian look? Avoid: fanny packs, white trainers, the peace sign  pose, glasses, carrying a bag of fruit - just never leave the house.

• The home phone will never stop ringing.

• You will have to give your grandparents or any elder in the house back massages. When I say massages, I mean they like punches to the back. Helps them somehow...

• Constant noise of family clearing their throat. Not pleasant.

• DURIAN!!! THAT IS ALL!!!

• Their love is cold, hard love.

• Never walk around the house with shoes on. You will get slapped.

Have any experiences that I haven't mentioned? Comment below!

Stop Judging My Food.

I grew up with a Chinese background and like any other Asian, we have eaten some weird stuff. Some taste good. Others..NOPE! But I'm a BBC (British Born Chinese), so growing up as a Chinese person in a Western culture - it makes people question what you eat. 

I have been at university for three years now. Finished. And during my time, I have encountered many people looking displeased over my meal. It wouldn't be anything strange either - sometimes a bowl of ramen noodles. 

But so many have judged and said unnecessary comments before I had even started eating my food. BITCH DON'T DISTURB MY ME TIME. All I wanted to do was eat in peace and enjoy my foods. Why was it so hard to ask? Why did people have to open their mouths and think they were being useful by pointing out something moot?

People will judge food on its look and smell, but will never try it. How do they know it's not goddamn tasty? 

"Ermaagherd, like, ew. I knoooow it's nasty. It looks like a bag of worms."

Well then. More for me. 

It's their loss. If they're like this over food, imagine someone else's culture. Are they not going to accept that too? Heck, food is culture. 

They can't keep being close-minded, otherwise they won't experience anything new. OR ANYTHING AT ALL. 

They can't go to a new country and start insulting their food and culture. They'll get more than they bargained in their "chicken burger".  

Some need to have respect for other people and think before they speak. 

Stop ruining my meal. It's my food, not yours. 

Dealing With Negativity.

When I was younger, if someone insulted me or was being very negative towards me - I didn't know how to deal with it. 

No one tells you how to handle bad things that come your way. I think I used to bottle it up and not talk to anyone about it.

The way I handle it now in through blogging. It can be so much to process when you get annoyed or angry or someone is being just plain shitty. I like writing things down. It gives me a clearer picture of everything because it's right there in front of me. 

When it's in your head, it's all over the place. One thing you think about would clash with another and then for some reason remember what they said 7 years ago which wouldn't have anything to do with it. Basically, you become emotional. 

I do let out a cry now and again. Actually, ever since being placed on the Pill - I have become such an emotional wreck. I can cry over someone getting me the wrong McMuffin meal. It's that simple. 

I guess this is my very public diary. Many would say to ignore it completely. I do, do that but I must let it out first, otherwise it'll be built up inside me all the time. It's a nice time to reflect as well. 

PS You ever upset me, you're going on here.

Being A Teenager Was Hard.

When I think of a 'teenager', I think of my sister. She's the typical stereotype: stroppy, anti-social in family gatherings, selfie obsessed, "whatever" - the list can go on.

I was definitely this kind of teen.

Being a teenager - you think your life is over. FOREVER! I HATE YOU! Yeah, that era. 

You are landed with so many expectations - be popular, get good grades, look amazing, have loads of friends, have every social networking platform on game as well as your eyebrows. It's a wonder how they ever sleep at night.

Seriously though, everything needs to be spot on. 

My sister is going through the phase of being "mean" and trying to look older. Jail bait. I really hated that phase because I look back now and realise how stupid I looked.

It feels like bitchy/mean girls run the world from the ages of 12-16. After that, you realise they ain't shit. You are. They don't run your life. You do. Sure they can call you ugly or fat or whatever they think is "cool", they're nasty at the end of the day. 

With trying to look older, who are you trying to impress? When I was younger, I was trying to impress guys. My parents said that I was "mature", but no one has fun being mature. I'm the opposite now. It's hilarious seeing my sister trying to act 18 when in reality, she's only just come out of the womb. 

It also seems like as a teen that looks are E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.

If you are a teenager, then please - stay looking young as long as possible. Time flies and you'll look back realising how much time you wasted trying to be "cool" or putting menial things at the top of your list. 

Another tip I will give is listen to your parents. GOD I KNOW! SUCH A CHORE! But your parents were teens once (duh!) and they will want to give you as much wisdom as possible. They may shout at you but they do it out of love (and also because you're being a right fucking pain in the bum). 

This can be one of the greatest times of your life but can also be the worst. You'll be okay though if you have the right people around. 

Good luck!

Plans For After University?

I DON'T KNOW!

I don't really believe how quickly it has come around. When I was a first year, I thought, 'Mate, we've got ages yet." WRONG!

I'm going to be graduating this year and I get asked this every single time by a different person.

So, what are your plans for after your degree?

Gulp. *run away*

In all honesty, I don't know. Internships? Jobs? Work abroad? So many choices. My approach is usually see what happens or what comes my way but I know it will not work that way. 

I've been applying but it's still scary. 

My worry is that my degree won't be useful or I won't be in an area that I studied for. It does happen so I'm prepared for it. 

I do wish I was more organised and had something planned out. We're all so concentrated with essays and making the most out of university that we forget about the life after. Or we're in denial. Could be all of it.

Can I just take a nap instead? Plez. 

University Friends vs Friends Back At Home

It's a difficult situation to be in because one half of your friends are working full-time and the other half is trying to get a degree. And some don't even want to mix with each other because they're in different areas of their lives.

I'm the degree part but doesn't mean I'm not friends with people who work. I don't want to isolate people because at the end of the day, we all have the same goal - have a job and earn money.

The difficulty I mentioned is balance. 

Balancing the time to see each other when we're home. Balancing out topics during conversations - everyone won't be sharing the same experience's and may get jealous or bored. This is one problem one of my friend's had, and I just felt angry. Well, not angry. Annoyed mainly because the situation that occurred was rude. 

I stopped being friends with one girl (Girl1) for various reasons but me and this girl are mutual friends with another girl that I'm good friends with, and regularly meet for coffee when I'm back from Southampton. (Sorry for the very long sentence)

Anyway, my friend started her degree at a college for the first two years and then completed her last year at a university. I was happy for her what ever she did but quite happy that she went to university because I think she has always wanted the "university experience". 

She went to university and would come back for holidays. When I met up with her, she said that she had met up with Girl1 and Girl2. Each time they had met up, they never asked about her about how university was. They didn't go you see, so I don't know whether they felt no common ground if they asked or that they felt other things. No idea. It's out of politeness to ask because that was her life at the time and I'm sure they were a little bit curious. 

When I met up with her, I would ask her so many questions about how university was going, who were flatmates were, what the course was like and everything. But maybe because I know about the subject more than the other girls because I went. 

I guess it seemed like the best of both worlds but it wasn't.

Apparently they would usually talk about themselves, how much money they were making and how many boys they had kissed. I can see that. When I was still friends with one of them back then, she kept saying how much money she was making, how many discounts she was given and the amount of clothes she bought, only for her to give it to charity straight after. I got bored of the conversations. Only because it was bragging and I thought with all of that money, she'd start saving it for a house or something for the future, but she just kept spending it. It's not my place to tell something how to live or advise how they should spend their money. They're old enough to know.  

One thing that bugged me was that whenever my friend would again meet up with these girls, they would (I guess) talk about work and then turn to my friend and say, "Oh, you 'university people' wouldn't understand." THE FUCK?

Huh? Am I not getting something here? Do you think we are a different kinds of species or something? Do you think we are thick? Why you trying to alienate us?

We 'university people' will be part of your group one day, it's just delayed because well, of a degree and debt. 

We are not above you if you are thinking that. We also don't think you're below us either because you have not experienced the university life. Heck, I don't even know how to do tax or even got the hang of bill money so that's going to come as a surprise for me.

Back to the point, I could tell my friend was annoyed at the fact that they kept separating full-time workers to people who went on to higher education. It's not nice. My friend is only one person and these two girls kept saying shit. I would feel pretty miffed and isolated. Two girls against one. I felt annoyed for her because of the way they were treating her as something different. Is that what friendship is? How can friendship be like this over education? 

My friend is now working full-time so hopefully their stupid talk has stopped.

Anyway, with my university friends [people I've met here and friends from home who have gone to university], I guess it was inevitable that we would get on. We're all going through the same experience and so we could natter about everything that we encountered so far. 

I feel for the people who never went. If I didn't go and had plenty of friends who went and came back with all these new stories and experiences, I would feel left out and feel that we have nothing in common. 

But good friendship won't let that get in the way. Everyone will be going through experiences at different parts of their lives. Whether you're traveling, working abroad, having a family, doing a PhD or taking care of 30 cats - as long as you are open in sharing experiences and listening. 

If you don't have the ability to listen to your friends or ask how they are then mate, you're rude.

PS I still like some of my friends back at home. I just feel sad when they leave out people who went to university and vice versa. It's not fair and not nice. 

Tips When Out In Public.

There are some things we do at home, that we tend to avoid out in public but sometimes it cannot be helped. Or we get caught in situations in public that needs rescuing subtly. 
Here are tips if it ever happens.

1) Toilet
Let's face it, we don't like any bathrooms that isn't ours. When a poop needs to come out and you do not have time to run home, go to the cubicle in the deepest end of the toilets (because who walks that far to poop?) or a cubicle near a hand dryer. For those who worry about being "heard", the hand dryer would mask the sound of the plopping. A bonus would be both! Also, would be a good idea to have some perfume on you too. If you don't have any, don't worry - the girls probably saw you walk in and told everyone to evacuate the building. 

2) Pulling A Push Door And Vice Versa
Just walk in like it didn't happen. If anything, they probably never noticed you coming through that door. You're that special. 

3) Opinions
Everyone has one and sometimes they're not useful. It's best to keep the opinions to yourself when out in public if case you end up offending someone. If your friend is being opinionated, get some duct tape and tape that bitch down to the ground and then walk away. They must look like they've been mummified, in order for their punishment to be acceptable. 

4) Farting
It's the 'Who Done It?" game. If you can walk and "talk", let it out slowly and walk away from the fart. 

If you're a lift which is the worst/best place to do it. To do this, let it out slowly and if it smells (trust me it will), give it a second and then cover your hand over your nose - it'll seem like you're blaming it on whoever is in the lift. 

Pull some facial expressions at the same time if you want. They won't suspect it's you. Unless you have a child right next to your bum - then fart on him until they pass out. 

When the lift journey is over, your acting skills would be Oscar worthy. 

5) Dropping Cutlery In A Restaurant
Clumsy moments will happen and when it does, it's dropping a knife or fork and it doesn't happen quietly. When it occurs, blame it on the kid on the next table. 

6) Feeling So Full You Want To Burst
Why does being fancy-pancy restrict us from being who we are? Unbutton that bitch and let that belly flow. 

7) Food In Your Teeth
Do it Asian style, get a toothpick and rummage for the tasty treats lurking in your mouth in front of everybody. Yayyyy. 

Dear Self...

I don’t know how to start this. You’ve gone through so much already. 

School. College. Love. And now university. Even though you haven’t travelled as much as you have liked or gotten the needed experience already for work, you’ve done a lot more than you think. 

Growing up was a test. You had to deal with racism, as well as people saying you were ugly. But you weren’t ugly on the inside. Remember that. Looks can only go so far. You were just shy and needed coming out of your shell and eventually, the outside matched the inside. If you are patient, time will be good to you. 

You can do anything you want. You have a loving family supporting you, even when they are being critical or telling you to “get over it", they are only doing this so you can better yourself and be tougher. To prove that you can be better. Growing up in an asian family is hard, especially when the expectations of you is either to be a lawyer or a doctor. But that’s because they don’t want you to become poor. Or be working in a takeaway forever. But you didn’t take this route, you took the route to be a writer. To be a good journalist one day. Your skill is in writing. Not science. Not maths. And definitely not law. I think they know that.

Outside of academia, you’ve gone through periods, boys and tantrums. And you have your family to thank for helping you calm down during those episodes, especially your mum and dad. They are your voice of wisdom and common sense when you can’t handle things or being unreasonable. When you went through your first period, your mum was there. When you went through your first heartbreak, your whole family was there for you. Feeding chocolate and giving you a Bridget Jones film to watch. And when you got accepted into university, everybody was there for you. Friends and family. You’ve got so much support without realising. 

I know you’ve lost many friends over the years due to drifting apart or your decision to cut negative people out of your life, so only a few still exist.

So for the ones that are still around, don’t take their company for granted. Call them up to meet, say hello, converse, eat with them! And if that doesn’t work out with old friends, you can always meet new friends. Not the end of the world if you’re "Billy No Mates".

You’re still so young. Only 21. So don’t panic when something doesn’t go right. You’ve got time. But don’t take your time either, otherwise nothing will be done. Always strive for success. And make your family proud. They didn’t work their whole lives for no reason. They’ve done it for their children’s future. To make sure we are safe. 

I know you will always be worrying about you and your surroundings but being worried is okay. You’re not married or a mother so you’ve got nothing to worry about apart from yourself. You are not ready for that responsibility yet, but the time will come. During the mean time, take care of yourself; see the world; get an amazing job. Fulfil your needs so you can be satisfied within yourself. Don’t let the fear get to you. Everything will fall into place. 

Stop doubting yourself. Life is a learning curve. 

Love Me x